Dear Sweet, New Momma,
When I see you, my heart smiles. The love you have for this precious young one you are with is almost all my heart can take. It seems to exude from your nooks and crannies and you could almost burst with pride for each new thing this little person does. Maybe you just came from the hospital with this little being snuggled to your chest, or perhaps you recently finalized with an older child who has never truly known "the forever" of family... either way, you are mommies. Real ones. No one can take that from you. Just like my sweet Mommy, you will see the smiles and the milestones, you will be at every school play and get all the teen angst (wish I could call and beg forgiveness for this part!). Your lil' folks will wipe noses on your pants, throw up in your hands and bring you to tears over the slightest things... forever. You ARE the mommy.
I know you have read things, heard things and been asked things that make you wonder if you are enough as someone who came to motherhood through adoption. You are. Look at all you went through -- the hoops, the paperwork, the wait, the tears, maybe thousands of miles and endless hours on a plane before you even looked into your child's face. You are strong, you are good and full of love. I know some of you have children who are struggling, children who need extra care and children who feel a true pain or loss and you question your fortitude and ability to do right by this person that you want to love and protect and help heal. The true perfection of your love comes in the lack of condition you put on it and the resolve that comes with it.
Oh, sweet mommies with children who came to you having seen and been through things a child never should, I see how hard you try. Daily issues of things like food hoarding or a child struggling with feelings beyond what they can express. Your patience is beyond measure, your love exceeding the trials, to bring them new firsts and happy memories. God bless you. As a child who came from care, I am so thankful for those who reach out with all your heart and a family, the thing that we never become too old to want or need. Maybe they don't even call you mom yet, but you are in all the ways it counts.
I see mommies with children of races other than your own. I think you are just beautiful! You are not a "mixed" or a "transracial" family to me; you are a family and your hearts match perfectly. Stand tall, walk proudly. Anyone that looks at your family with anything but a sweet and adoring smile or asks anything more than where you bought that darling outfit is about 50 years behind the rest of us and should be ignored -- because you are the mommy, that's why!
I know some of you wonder how you fit in when it comes to your child's two families. Whether a birthparent is in your child's life now or one day will be, there is no one in this world quite like the mommy who wipes away tears, buys Band-Aids for bike wipe-outs and makes our favorite dinner on our birthdays. The mom who listens as we boo-hoo over lost first loves and the wrongs of who is chosen for varsity teams. THAT, my friend, that is YOU! Whatever it is YOU do, it makes you the one.
I know some of you have read things that make you feel inadequate in a way far beyond other moms who simply sulk over Pinterest fails and too tight jeans. Don't. Don't sink into dark places that you don't have to. Just like any other parent, no matter what kind of issue your child may have in life, you will do whatever you need to to help them. Period. That is our job as parents. You are not an adoptive parent or adoptive mother, you are a mother, and I don't want to hear anything before it. As an adoptee, I have to tell you that there never was, nor will there ever be, anyone who will love me more, care more if I took my vitamins or want me to do my best more than the sweet mama who raised me did. MY MOM. So, bask in your moments. Mama -- your days of being whatever your given name are, are over -- you are now "insert your child's name here's MOM" and there is no better feeling than that. Embrace it, love it, don't fret it away (it goes too fast as it is). Do not steal your own joy by worrying and questioning what is already truth: You are the mommy, from here to eternity with all the dirty laundry and giggles and heart breaks that come with it and there is no one better suited for the job than you.
Mom and Me
Disclaimer: I am but one person with my own experience. Adoptees are human beings, so of course our feelings and experiences vary from black to white to every shade of gray. I cannot and do not speak for everyone, but will always stand up for everyone to have a chance to speak