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Magda Pecsenye
Magda Pecsenye lives with her two young sons in Michigan. She helps parents work through it at and writes about co-parenting after divorce with her ex-husband at When The Flames Go Up.

Entries by Magda Pecsenye

Four True Things About Marriage, Divorce and Families

(2) Comments | Posted July 16, 2014 | 2:13 PM

In my work with Flash Consulting (I solve business or personal or work-life problems in around 24 hours) I've done a lot of cases of couples needing to renegotiate how they divided work and emotional caretaking within their relationships, or how they decide what things to prioritize in...

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A Letter to Gwyneth From a Divorced Mom

(1) Comments | Posted March 28, 2014 | 3:25 PM

Dear Gwyneth,

I'm writing to congratulate you on going through all of the hard work and emotional pain of deciding to get a divorce. It's awful, that in-between phase when you know something's wrong and you want to fix it but that deep secret part of you knows it can't...

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6 Things About the Men You'll Date After Your Divorce

(10) Comments | Posted January 5, 2014 | 3:19 PM

If you're a straight woman getting divorced, you might be afraid of what's going to happen. Will you ever have a date again? And if so, there can't be anyone good to date, right? Wrong. One of the secrets you don't find out until you're back out there again is...

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What Divorced Moms Need For Christmas (and the Rest of the Year)

(1) Comments | Posted December 19, 2013 | 9:37 AM

If you're looking for gift ideas for divorced moms, this post is going to be a disappointment, because nothing in it is something you can buy. And some of these things are things a lot of moms need. But the combination of all five -- and during the holidays especially...

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It's OK to Feel Bad About Being Divorced at Thanksgiving or About Thanksgiving While Getting Divorced

(14) Comments | Posted November 24, 2013 | 4:55 PM

You do not have to pretend to be OK.

Even if you're the one who initiated the divorce, or you're feeling better about life and yourself now that the decision has been made.

Even if you're getting your feet back under you again.

Even if you thought last year was...

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I Moved In With My Ex-Husband When He Was Sick

(45) Comments | Posted October 7, 2013 | 1:32 PM

When last I wrote here I was going on about how to avoid feeling bad during the season when everyone wants to be paired up, if you're coming through a divorce. I thought it was a good piece about how to survive not being paired up when everyone...

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5 Ways to Survive Cuffing Season

(4) Comments | Posted September 5, 2013 | 2:09 PM

Now that Labor Day is past, it's officially cuffing season, the time when any-age people's fancy turns lightly to thoughts of who to snuggle on the couch and watch football with. The days grow shorter and the weather gets chillier and even those of us who are happy to be...

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Getting Past It

(2) Comments | Posted July 25, 2013 | 3:09 PM

I got an email after my post about my kids being on vacation with their dad (they're home again now) asking me how I could let my kids go with him and not feel resentful. How I could "get past it."

It wasn't easy.

First, let me say that my...

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In Praise of Separate Vacations

(0) Comments | Posted July 23, 2013 | 11:47 AM

It has been 21 days since I've seen my children.

When we were mediating our divorce settlement, my ex-husband and I were very concerned with keeping our families connected to our children. We wrote into our settlement that we were each allowed to take the kids for extended summer vacations...

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Writing Through Your Divorce

(0) Comments | Posted July 2, 2013 | 3:36 PM

"I sat on that plane to New York in a state of total misery, yet part of me was secretly relieved to be done with swatches and couches and fights with contractors, and that part of me was thinking: Okay, Rachel Samstat, finally something is happening to you."

I read...

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An Interview With Deesha Philyaw of Co-Parenting 101

(2) Comments | Posted June 11, 2013 | 12:29 PM

Today I'm interviewing Deesha Philyaw, co-author (with her ex-husband Mike Thomas) of the book Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive In Two Households After Divorce. Deesha and Mike run a website called Co-Parenting 101 dedicated to helping not-together parents work with each other to care for...

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A Letter to My Sons About Stopping Rape

(102) Comments | Posted March 18, 2013 | 4:46 PM

Dear Boys,

Some really horrible things happened to someone who could be one of your friends, and it was done by some people who could be your friends. You're 11 and almost-8 now, so the incident that made me write this letter isn't something you've heard about, but...

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Your Feet Run Straight To Your Heart

(3) Comments | Posted March 13, 2013 | 12:57 PM

Now that we've all survived the heartbreaking holidays for the year, it's time to exhale and start thinking about how we can take of ourselves. You may be feeling unloved or confused or in a bunch of pieces. Here's the truth, though:

Your body still loves you. And the more...

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How Not To Want To Curl Up In a Ball and Die On Valentine's Day When You're Divorcing

(0) Comments | Posted February 13, 2013 | 11:12 AM

We all know Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday that means nothing to anyone who isn't in one of those new "You like peanut butter?? I like peanut butter, too!!" relationships. But that doesn't mean all the hype won't make you feel crappy on the 14th when you're in the...

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Like A Phoenix

(9) Comments | Posted February 8, 2013 | 5:35 PM

Here's some hope for 2013 for those of you who are getting divorced because your former partner left:

Just because it wasn't your choice to end the marriage doesn't mean you don't have any choice now.

You can choose to grieve for what you thought you were going to have,...

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The Two Actual, Not Perceived, Options

(20) Comments | Posted January 7, 2013 | 11:26 AM

Here's a little hope for 2013, for people who have to leave their marriages (people who have been left, you get your hope in a few days):

There's a point at which the decision seems unbearable. Staying in a marriage to give the kids a good family, or breaking up...

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On Knowing You Have To Leave

(63) Comments | Posted December 26, 2012 | 5:33 PM

The worst alone I felt wasn't during the holidays after deciding to get divorced. It was during the holidays the last year we were still "together," but I knew things were horribly wrong and we shouldn't have been together in the first place. The first divorce holiday season was sad...

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Divorce, 2012 Holiday Edition

(1) Comments | Posted December 21, 2012 | 6:00 PM

Once upon a time, I told my then-husband I wanted a divorce a few days after Thanksgiving. That first December was hard. This is what I've learned since then about the first post-split holiday season, and I offer it to you.

1. Let yourself be sad. This time of...

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Strange Family Ties

(0) Comments | Posted December 22, 2010 | 4:43 PM

The other night I was having two text conversations simultaneously. One with my mother about Christmas Eve, and one with my uncle (my dad's brother) about Christmas Day. I grew up celebrating equally on both, as my mom's side of the family does everything on Christmas Eve, but my dad's...

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Hard Candy Holidays?

(3) Comments | Posted December 14, 2010 | 9:41 AM

This year I put together a musical Advent calendar for my friends on Facebook and Twitter: a song each day from the first day of Advent to the last day of Christmas.

Choosing the songs was fun, like putting together a mix tape for a good friend....

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