02/08/2013 06:37 pm ET | Updated Apr 10, 2013

Like A Phoenix

Here's some hope for 2013 for those of you who are getting divorced because your former partner left:

Just because it wasn't your choice to end the marriage doesn't mean you don't have any choice now.

You can choose to grieve for what you thought you were going to have, for as long as it takes, and then find closure.

You can choose to let go of someone who didn't see your true value.

You can choose to bring the good with you, and leave the bad back in that marriage you thought was forever that turned out not to be.

You can choose to find a good therapist and explore how you can move forward. You can choose to read Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love You Want to figure out how to give yourself what you need. (It's as excellent a guide for individuals as it is for couples.)

You can choose to rise from the ashes and create a new life for yourself.

You can choose to model self-love and confidence and hope for your children.

You can choose to bet on yourself.

Right now, write down on a piece of paper -- a Post-It, the back of an envelope, a clean fresh sheet -- your most hopeful, optimistic, crazy unrealistic fantasy of what your life looks like two years from today.

You can have that. You can have whatever life you create. This is your chance.

How are you going to start?

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer" -Zora Neale Hurston.
All this pain is leading to something better, so keep your ears to the ground and your heart open. You can do this. If you want more on finding your path as a parent, come on over to, and to see what it's like on the other side of the divorce process, read When The Flames Go Up, the co-parenting after divorce blog I write with my ex-husband. For awhile it gets worse. Then it gets better.

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