No matter what they say, men do not want women in sports. I suppose there could be one exception: women's basketball, and then only if they didn't wear bras. Otherwise, never mind the dirty looks from wives and daughters, female colleagues, or even the equal rights legal stuff that says...

It's easy to hear what politicians say, but not so easy to know exactly what they are saying. We only know the two are not the same. Here are 10 examples of differences between what they say and what they mean:

• FLIP-FLOP
• I didn't think you'd understand the word "reversal."
• ESTEEMED...

My respect for members of Congress has sunk even lower than my respect for the Supreme Court. The 13% of people polled who actually approve of the job Congress is doing must be comprised of congressional members' relatives. Not that I've become cynical...

Andy Rooney's last 60 Minutes broadcast will be this Sunday, October 2. Want to know what he's really like? First, you have to know about Carol Burnett and John Foster Dulles.

When Carol Burnett was very young, she sang a song called,...

Owney was a muttly terrier who rose from the ranks of the homeless to celebrity status with his image on the new forever U.S. postage stamp. His life was that of a courageous 19th-Century pioneer pup,...

Club 27 is a most exclusive and heavenly private club of great musicians who died at the age of 27. As of July 24th, Amy Winehouse is the latest member.

Although the club was formed only after the 1970 death of Jim Hendrix,...

I just got back from a cross-country drive with my two dogs and boy did we have a few adventures along the way. We were headed from Southern California to Asheville, North Carolina, where we spent a month in a lovely rented cottage with a fenced yard. We checked out...

Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm weddinged out. There hasn't been this much media coverage of an event since Lindsay Lohan's last arrest. Nothing wrong with the Royal Wedding's bride or groom, and nothing wrong with the opulent setting of Westminster Abbey, though I'm resisting...

All is not lost in networkland. In an effort to liven up the otherwise snooze-worthy Oscars for next year's telecast and bring back the millions who dozed off right after Kirk Douglas' earlobes presented Best Supporting Actress to Melissa Leo, Charlie Sheen has been hired to host in 2012.

In a phone call from her undisclosed location to his undisclosed location, Sarah Palin both congratulated and thanked the former President of Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, for taking her advice. WikiLeaks leaked that Mrs. Palin had shared with then-President Mubarak her Plan A on how to gain maximum publicity when quitting...

It gets tiresome listing all the things you want to change about yourself but know in your heart you're bound to fail. Again. Like you do every year. My resolutions were getting too elastic anyway. I kept resolving to not get hysterical every time I got lost while driving somewhere...

The AP reports the U.S. Department of Immigration apprehended Santa Claus attempting to illegally enter the United States. He was caught maneuvering his sleigh over a fence secretly erected by the Border Patrol.



When Santa lived up north, his transportation consisted of eight reindeer: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,...

No more bullfights in Spain, reports the media. Is the majestic fighting bull now on the endangered species list, or has the Spanish government realized that Ferdinand the Bull was right to be smelling pretty flowers instead of goring the guy waving a red cape at him? Fight fans will...

In a frenzied attempt to exploit the Arizona-Mexico border fence situation hoping it helps him get reelected to the senate, Arizona's John McCain threw himself on the mercy of former running mate, Sarah Palin. He asked her to quit work on the fence extension between her Wasilla house and that...

The Jackson Estate has made a deal with Sony Music Enertainment for Michael Jackson to be paid $200 million guaranteed over seven years for 10 projects. Sony had previously conferenced with Toyota to pave the way for Jackson to keep on singing long...

10. Marilyn Monroe may have famously sung Happy Birthday to JFK in 1962, but 1953's Best Actress Oscar winning Audrey Hepburn's version was the last one the President ever heard when she sang it for his last birthday in 1963.

9. Theater owners...

Some of us are already planning summer vacations to exotic, foreign places, but the smart money will go with small towns in the U.S. They not only afford more fun, but help our economy. Always eager to be of service to my country, I...

I disagree with color experts like Susan Wright, clothing and textile specialist, who claims "To select becoming colors for your wardrobe, you must consider three very important factors -- your skin, your eyes and your hair." If that's true, then how come everything that...

The best place to party is San Francisco where, in the words of political satirist Will Durst, Halloween is redundant. But if you can't make it there, have an awesome time anywhere on October 31st. Just keep it current, cool and creepy.

Long...

Nobody sits down to compose a letter these days. Instead, they talk, text, or Tweet, so we've prepared a time-saver for those hipsters, geeks, and Twitteristas who haven't the time to reduce the classics to Twitter's required 140 characters, counting spaces. We've prefaced them...