Charlie Sheen to Host 2012 Oscars

All is not lost in networkland. In an effort to liven up the otherwise snooze-worthy Oscars for next year's telecast and bring back the millions who dozed off right after Kirk Douglas' earlobes presented Best Supporting Actress to Melissa Leo, Charlie Sheen has been hired to host in 2012.

Celebrities attending the annual event will be encouraged to wear their own jewelry, buy their outfits off the rack, and say how they really feel about attending. It is felt that women viewers might favor hearing celebs respond to the hackneyed question, "Who are you wearing?" with "WalMart." Actresses, now referred to as "female actors," will be asked to butt out and be photographed only from the front. Celebrities will continue to walk the carpet, which will be green in an effort to attract Westminster Dog Show viewers.

Because of the conventional mid-show sag where awards are given out that nobody outside the industry has any interest in, the second half of next year's show will be co-hosted by Sheen and Jerry Springer, the theory being that bad taste is better than no taste at all.

 

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Comments

[Mike Westlake]

03:41 PM on 03/07/2011

I'm afraid he's going to be busy. I have it on good authority that Sheen is seriously considering a Vice Presidential run on Newt Gingrich's "Let's flush america down the toilet" ticket. Sheen is quoted as saying the almost-announced candidate "is his kind of guy. those GOP guys know how to party!". He went on to list Ensign, Sanford, Boehner and a bunch of others. Maybe Mike "The Huckster" Huckabee would consider hosting? He'll do anything for a couple of thousand dollars.
Mike Westlake
www.TheWestlakeReport.com

[writeon1]

02:32 PM on 03/07/2011

While it is sad to watch this guy implode, I feel bad thinking that his antics are far more interesting than the recent Oscars. Another, I almost fell asleep at the Oscars blog is at: http://newsy1.wordpress.com

[Pablo Andreu]

07:48 PM on 03/05/2011

Wait, didn't he already host this year's Oscars? And he won the Superbowl, right?

[beyondliberal]

06:51 PM on 03/03/2011

Sheen should live so long.
He looks pretty bad right now.

[grange]

10:31 AM on 03/08/2011

keith richards.....still alive...tiger blood

[MassTeacher]

11:38 PM on 03/02/2011

... ... and Gary Busey will be doing the red-carpet interviews!

[Dave Astor]

12:39 PM on 03/02/2011

Enjoyed your post, Maggie! If Charlie Sheen hosts the 2012 Oscars, perhaps he can award a 25th-anniversary citation to the 1987 film "Nuts." Takes one to know one....

[wtcronin13]

07:29 PM on 03/01/2011

Good stuff, it would be great if it came to pass

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

08:00 PM on 03/01/2011

Thanks wtcronin13. Who'd be better? Sheen? Or Springer?

[Rick Horowitz]

06:04 PM on 03/01/2011

How about Maggie for Oscar host? Funny *and* non-delusional!

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

01:31 AM on 03/02/2011

What makes you think I'm non-delusional?

[Nancy Nevins]

05:26 PM on 03/01/2011

Silly! funny

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

08:03 PM on 03/01/2011

Thanks, Nancy. I miss hearing you with Sweetwater Band. I can see from your photo that you're one and the same Nancy Nevins.

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

08:16 PM on 03/01/2011

You must be the singer Nancy Nevins from Sweetwater Band. I recognize your photo.
Thanks!

[Dave Lieber]

05:18 PM on 03/01/2011

Love the comedy writers who are on the edge. Don't fall off! Like Charlie.

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

08:04 PM on 03/01/2011

Even if I did fall off the edge, I wouldn't fall hard like Charlie. With all the Peeps I've been eating lately, it's more likely I'd bounce.

[Maggie Van Ostrand]

08:15 PM on 03/01/2011

If I do fall off, I won't fall hard like Charlie. I'll fall soft from eating all these Peeps.