In a frenzied attempt to exploit the Arizona-Mexico border fence situation hoping it helps him get reelected to the senate, Arizona's John McCain threw himself on the mercy of former running mate, Sarah Palin. He asked her to quit work on the fence extension between her Wasilla house and that of new neighbor, author Joe McGinniss, and send the lumber directly to Phoenix. As always, Palin one-upped him, jumping into her Airstream and driving the lumber down herself. Representatives of global media have been notified by Palin's people and will be caravaning behind her vehicle to see her safely through enemy lines, with Helen Thomas riding shotgun.
Fox News interviewed Palin, who reiterated the urgency of border fencing, citing, as "a real important reason," that oil from the Gulf of Mexico gusher would soon ooze across the Arizona border hidden in the pockets of illegals using "those coyotes they talk about." Palin thinks all coyotes should be shot same as wolves, and went on to excoriate President Obama, the U.S. Coast Guard, and James Carville, for scooping up oil globules on the coasts of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. She sneered, "Everybody knows those fat oil blobs aren't even there. Doesn't big government realize that the Gulf of Mexico is in Mexico? It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Duh!"
Palin gave a shout out to all Alaskans, soccer moms and tea baggers to join her at the Arizona border. If oil gets through the fence despite their heroic efforts to stave off an impending disaster, she instructed all recruits to mix it with vinegar, which she plans to sell as Palin's Own Salad Dressing" on eBay.
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Or "lumber." Or "shotgun." Or "extension."
Dear God, there goes my lunch.