Are the evil internets trying to hook your children on aural drugs? Either USA Today and ABC News don't read the opinion columns they post on their websites, or the mainstream media is so far gone that it's beyond help.
From the column in question, by a radio host named Kim Komando: "websites are targeting your children with so-called digital drugs. These are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects." Called binaural beats, according to the article, "It is incorrect to call binaural beats music. They're really ambient sounds designed to affect your brain waves."
And that differs from music, exactly how? Has the woman ever heard the term "psychedelic music"? Or "meditation tape"? Or relaxation? Onwards we go, beyond parody:
Some sites provide binaural beats that have innocuous effects. For example, some claim to help you develop extrasensory powers like telepathy and psychokinesis...[ed note: and these would be innocuous, how, if they were physically possible?] However, most sites are more sinister. They sell audio files ("doses") that supposedly mimic the effects of alcohol and marijuana.
But it doesn't end there. You'll find doses that purportedly mimic the effects of LSD, crack, heroin and other hard drugs. There are also doses of a sexual nature. I even found ones that supposedly simulate heaven and hell.
She goes on to worry that:
The sites claim binaural beats cause the same effects as illegal drugs. These drugs impair coordination and can cause hallucinations. They've caused countless fatal accidents, like traffic collisions. If binaural beats work as promised, they are not safe. They could also create a placebo effect. The expectation elicits the response. Again, this is unsafe.
So, if someone claims something works -- even if it doesn't -- it's dangerous? We'd better ban everything advertised everywhere, pronto because if buying the right product doesn't make the opposite sex fall at your feet with desire, it might create the expectation that it does and therefore wreak havoc. And they say people on drugs are out of it!
The piece ends with the classic, "So, talk to your children. Make sure they understand the dangers of this culture. It could be a small jump from digital drugs to the real thing."
Right. And while you're at it, make sure they never play sports, read books, have friends, spin around on chairs, eat sugar, watch TV, play videogames or even look at you or hug you -- because every single experience that can cause pleasure alters consciousness, otherwise, you wouldn't be conscious of it!!!!
The lack of critical thought evident throughout the article is so mind-blowing that it's hard to imagine an editor could have read it before posting. Either that or it was posted simply as link-bait-- to draw negative commenters from all over the web, and thereby, pageviews. At this, it seems to have been quite successful.
Is this the future of media -- drawing pageviews by publishing articles so far past stupid that people can't help but respond? Pass the binaural beats please, we're going to need them!