Oprah's School and Tough Love

As people who regularly read this blog probably know, I recently co-wrote a book (The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook) with Dr. Bruce Perry -- a leading child trauma expert whom you may have heard on CNN, CBS or NPR over the last few days.

Because of his expertise, Oprah asked my co-author to lead the mental health response to the abuse crisis at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa -- to help her make the school into as she put it at a press conference yesterday, "a model for the world."

As readers may also know, coincidentally, I have also written a book about institutional abuse of children in settings like boot camps, wilderness programs, "emotional growth boarding schools" and residential treatment centers for "troubled teens." (Help At Any Cost: How the Troubled Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids)

I was not expecting these two interests to collide -- but although Oprah did not intend for this to happen, her school unfortunately developed into what could be seen as a tough "program" and as a result, some girls were abused.

As she put it at the press conference, "I feel that the girls were placed in an atmosphere where they were taught to be fearful and they were taught to literally be silenced. And so when you remove the systems and put in a different kind of leadership, all of that will change."

Oprah got to the heart of the matter: institutions in which children are fearful and silenced are institutions that will sooner or later, inevitably, become abusive.

Apparently, for months the girls had been complaining that the school was more like a prison than boarding school -- and for months they had been ignored. Although one dorm matron has been charged with sexual and physical abuse, the problem wasn't -- as residential facilities often claim -- "one bad apple."

It was the tough love system. Any institution that isolates vulnerable children from the outside world, any school that severely limits contact with their parents, that silences complaints by calling those who speak up "liars", "whiners" and "manipulators" will become abusive. Without fail. And any such institution will attract predators -- because they know that where kids are unable to speak up, they can prey at will.

As Dr. Perry put it on NPR:

"Unfortunately, there isn't a place on the planet that has really done all that it could do to ensure that the internal systems and the adults in charge of children are as healthy as can be. I know that there are little pockets of excellence here and there, but one of the goals that we have for this school is to try to create training, staff selection, staff support and education for the girls, models of accountability, models of security that will all work to decrease the probability that any predatory person can be hired or can act out on the girls in the school."

Policies that limit access between children and parents, policies that allow untrained workers to have total control over kids with no government oversight, policies that lock kids down and keep them incommunicado, policies that encourage staff to be treat kids harshly "for their own good" -- every single one of these practices increases the odds that children will be abused.

Add in the idea that the kids are all liars and any complaints should be dismissed as "manipulation" and you have a predator's dream: a program in which victims cannot speak out or escape and monsters can actually get paid to carry out the abuse they enjoy with impunity.

Frighteningly, every single one of these policies is standard practice in the largely unregulated "troubled teen" industry. And every day, predators get fresh prey.

As Oprah said, from all bad experiences, "There's always much to be gained and I think there's a lot to be learned."

I hope that America and the world can learn right here, right now that any program that follows such policies is not acceptable -- whether it's a boarding school for talented African girls or an "academy," "wilderness program," "boot camp," "therapeutic boarding school," or "emotional growth school" for troubled American teens.

Comments

[godlessclif]

Newt Gingrinch got on the cover of time for suggesting ghetto kids would be better off in orphanges rather that will poor parents that set a bad example.

This is the blame the victim idea. It does not surprise me that a rich witch like Oprah would beleive the same thing and implement it, probably with the advice of that dork Dr. Phil Good.

It took five million years of evolution to produce mothers. Evolution is always right, bullfeather theories of morality are always wrong.

We have a child welfare system based of some pop psychology that says breaking up families is good. If people have a fight, take the kids. If our childrens isn't learning take the kids, and put them where. Wicked stepmother foster homes? Gulags like Oprah's school.

Close the damn schools. Give the families money.

[larry278]

Ms Winfrey saw that she had made errors & children had been harmed by her errors. She is making a good faith effort to correct her errors & have proffesionals deal with the issues the young ladies at her school in SA have. One hopes that Ms Winfrey & the young ladies have good luck from now on. No, I don't watch Ms Winfrey's show. It's too schmultzy for me. Never the less-I admire Ms Winfrey for putting her money & time into improving the world. She is the epitome of responsibility. She's not perfect but she is seeking perfection of her character & for our world.
Ms Winfrey-this old white man says to you-you go girl.

[repearwo]

Simple answer. There is only Love, never Tough Love. People are of two natures, that of behavior and that of person. Behaviors in children and adults can and must be taught and controled, but never by any means that denies the person the respect and love they deserve.

The most effective teaching tool is example. Punishment is a tool only to the degree that it points out that in life actions have consequence. When a child refuses to stay out of a street a swat on the rear tells them that there are unpleasnt consequences to going into the street. When the child grows up they understand that measured punishnent.

We need to divorce Tough from Love.

[ibivi]

I'm sure that this has caused its benefactor quite a bit of anguish. But to set up a situation where the school has total control over its students is also a questionable decision. You need more than money to do good. It comes with responsibilities and she should have done her due diligence to ensure that the girls were in a safe environment and protected by some overseeing body to prevent exactly what
happened.

[NABNYC]

Thank God for Oprah Winfrey. She's one of the first rich celebrities in recent years to take a public stand - such as in favor of reading, which has radically increased reading at least among some people. And thank God for Oprah Winfrey for spending her money to try to provide these girls with a place where they can have a future. Left in their own poor communities, they more likely would have no future except childbirth, poverty, sorrow, lack of healthcare, early death. She's trying to make a difference in Africa, and trying to make a difference in these girls' lives. There will undoubtedly be rough spots along the way. But again, thank God for Oprah Winfrey.

Sexual abuse occurs everywhere. If these girls were back in their communities, they undoubtedly would have a few who would be abused. This school cannot guarantee nothing bad will ever happen. But they will hopefully find a way to forge ahead, provide an education, give these girls a chance to have a life.

[Maia Szalavitz - Huffpost Blogger]

Actually there is NO EVIDENCE that tough love schools work well--people just think so because they don't realize that most troubled kids mature out of bad behavior so it *looks* like the school worked, but actually, the kid just grew up.

And if you look at the particular tactics one by one used by these schools, they are either known to do harm (confrontation, yelling, physical attacks, isolation) or aren't tough.

That doesn't mean you don't set boundaries-- but a parent "kicking a kid's butt" is a very different thing from a low-paid staffer doing it without supervision and with no reason whatsoever to "love" the kid.

Since even parents who *do* love their kids can lose it and be overly tough, why on earth would we think minimum wage workers having to deal with frustrating kids who can't complain or escape would not abuse them if told that toughness is what *helps* and niceness is what *hurts*? It's just a dumb idea plain and simple.

Regarding Oprah, what happened really was genuinely not her fault because her staff there told her one thing and did another. And as soon as she found out what was going on, she cleaned house and apologized-- very different from what has happened in abuse scandals at these tough love places or virtually anywhere else.

At the tough schools, the policy is "these kids are all whiners who just want to make money off us by lying." Think how easy it would have been for Oprah to just say that. She didn't. She did the right thing and I give her credit for it.

[purplepeopleeater]

The children were kept from their mothers.
If they had been allowed to contact their moms, the children would have let them know of the horrible abuse forced on them.
Oprah said she was the mom and those were her girls.

.....................

[ElkoJohn]

.
yes, some tough love schools work well & all schools need to be supervised & held accountable.
.
Oprah's school proves she has more bullshit than billions.
.

[MPeter]

It is amazing that you have the nerve to blame Oprah when she did everything right; far better than even US government leaders have handled crises. Oprah is stellar and she did a stellar job of the mess. All power to her.

[homesteader]

At a guess, "soft love" is not what these troubled kids have gotten.

More likely, an unpredictable melange of anger, folding under challenge, and something that reads like hatred and resentment ("you're the millstone around my neck").

Not easy or safe-feeling to live in that kind of situation.

[DietrichMoody]

It's sad not only for Oprah but in what it says about her and the people around her.

Here is a woman who has BILLIONS of $$, and there is probably more oversight around who does her make up and hair than into who was and is caring for these children.

She wasn't running a school district!, just ONE school in ONE town. That's it.

Is this really going to be a lesson?? or will it turn into a folly of putting out the fires in this bad PR scenario.

I want to know, who did she call first, her PR manager or the head of the school and the children affected???

[Ben Dixon]

Has it occured to you that parents send kids to "tough love" programs becuase "soft love" hasn't worked? Granted there should be oversight of these programs and all of the workers there should be fully trained, but that dosn't mean you have to coodle the kids. Some times a good ass whoopin is what a kid needs to be put back in line.