A factor that distinguishes the doers from the non-doers is their level of etiquette. The way that a coaching client decides to conduct themselves, be that on a business or personal note, can determine the outcome of an assignment. This simple yet often neglected quality is the one thing that can convey our values and our ability to communicate effectively. With good manners, you can win people over and enhance relationships. Without them, there's a kind of emptiness left in the air. It's as if any real communication has evaporated.
To some, having good manners is akin to a "foreign language" in that they are not used to expressing gratitude, giving thanks and being polite. It's as if care and thoughtfulness toward others is not their norm. For some, it seems that time doesn't allow them to ensure their manners are where they need to be. And although I can understand this to a degree, I cannot condone it. With good manners, we are able to build better rapport and convey an important aspect of our personalities -- our personalities. In addition, we are able to shine brighter in the world.
One reason good manners are less prolific than they could be has to do with sacrifice. When we offer someone a seat on public transportation, we are making a sacrifice: We give up our right to be seated. When we open the door for a stranger, they get to go before us. When we return a phone call or an email in "good time," even when there's nothing in it for us, we sacrifice our time so that the other person will benefit. Often, it's as if these characteristics are no longer considered to be of any value.
In this "all about me" world each of us live in, I'm suggesting we endeavour using a different approach, perhaps we could consider something closer to "all about us." After all, in essence, we are all in this together. Aren't we? If we continue to live in a world that eschews etiquette and focuses on selfishness, bad manners and a lack of thought for others, future generations will consider "good manners" to be outmoded. I think you'll agree that this would be most unfortunate for us all.
While I was working with a media company, I was introduced to a young man who was their IT expert. I offered my hand and was met with a "What are you doing?" stare. I later found out that this young chap had no awareness that when meeting someone for the first time, it is customary to shake hands. I remember feeling mildly shocked. It also prompted me to think about what it said about society. I might add that this young man was perfectly amiable. However, he did himself and the business a disservice by not being aware of good old-fashioned etiquette.
So, I'd like to suggest we all pull together and make a big effort to convey good manners, even though at times they may seem to be less needed. The reason I say this is because good manners will always be in style; in fact, they are one of the cornerstones of any self-development. And by doing so, we show those who are less able to express good manners how to use them. It is they, as well as us, who will be the greatest beneficiaries.
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Right now, I'm studying to become a rapper.
And while there is the occasional rapper who seems to get by on something resembling good manners (RIP MCA), most seem to go a lot farther with a bad attitude and a huge dollop of rudeness.
Tupac, Eminem, Snoop, 50 Cent, Nicki Minaj, and on and on.
And it seems important, as well, if you want to cash in on the Reality Tee-Vee money that's there for the taking. Nice gals finish last, as the saying goes.
Maybe this whole politeness thing depends on what sort of career you're in.
I highly recommend you consider taking the road that eschews bad manners and favors better manners.
I wish you the best of luck in your studying to be a well mannered rapper.
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Let's see...
Donald Trump, Vince McMahon, Bill O'Reilly, Steve Jobs, Madonna, Nicki Minaj, David Letterman, Sarah Palin...
No, I'd you're wrong here.
You are right, in addition to being one of the cornerstones of self-development, it sure is the cornerstone of an individuals personal brand.
Yes, I totally agree that 'good manners, courtesy and respect are the cornerstones of a civilized society.' Well said. Let us hope that many more individuals concur with your points - in these challenging times.
I totally agree that courtesy 'improves social competence...' In addition, behaving with good manners, provides us with an immediate upgrade in the self esteem department.
In business, good customer service is becoming a priority. Poor customer service can make or break a business. I work part time as a receptionist, and my phone skills and helpfulness are stressed and evaluated a lot. I never know when I have a "secret caller" paid by my company to test me. Our clients are survey and being made to feel welcomed is one of the questions.
"Care and thoughtfulness toward others" is that intangible that matters a lot. I'm not sure that part can be taught; but maybe when people see it modeled, they can pick it up.
Thanks for the reminder!
You are so right, 'good manners can be learned...' Perhaps we can all endeavor to teach those who don't have good manners, the essential elements that convey etiquette. And of course you're right, seeing it modeled is a great way to make it both real and aspirational.
I'm glad you agree.
You are so right when you say, 'people with good manners stay in my mind longer' - I think this is true for most of us. And yes, etiquette does need to be in place at schools.
Well said.
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Yes, you are spot on about people being distracted by their phones, etc. It takes a lot of self discipline to consistently display good manners. However, when we do it's us that reaps the benefits.
It's great that you've been saying it for years. I recommend you continue saying it.