The Common Bond Between Draft Dodger, Ted Nugent, and Sarah Palin

07/05/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The May 10th 2010 edition of Time Magazine arrived in the mail with the cover story "The 100 Most Influential People in the World". I have to admit that given the publicity surrounding Sarah Palin, and the fact that people have been willing to pay her $100,000 for speeches, which of course they have heard before, I wasn't too surprised to find Sarah Palin's name on the list. I expected that the article would focus on the sheer number of people who have been taken in by Palin. Last time I checked she had over one million "fans" on Facebook. However to my amazement, the article was very complimentary of the person Sarah Palin purports to be. The author seemed to lack any understanding or appreciation for the hypocrisy of Palin. The article stated that Palin "...dedicates herself to make America better...represents the good, while exposing the bad and ugly" and has a "...herculean work ethic." I found each of these observations to be contrary of all that I knew about Palin, unless of course her resignation from the position of Governor of Alaska was her effort to "make America better". The only "herculean work ethic" I have heard about relates to the effort it must take to manage the wealth she has amassed. Certainly Levi Johnston didn't describe a "herculean" work ethic in his description of Sarah often coming home early and retiring to her bedroom to watch television for the rest of the evening.

As my disbelief was mounting, I reached the end of the short article, and realized that the author did not even purport to be objective about the "real" Sarah Palin. Rational thought was not something upon which this author puts a premium. The last sentence explained that "I'd be proud to share a moose-barbecue campfire with the Palin family anytime, so long as I can shoot the moose." The author of this article was Ted Nugent. Until that moment the only thing I knew about Ted was that he was older than me, and had been a rock-n-roll legend. Let me share what I have learned.

1. Mr. Nugent is personal friends with Glenn Beck. Of course Palin and Beck are buddies, as indicated by her authorship of the story of Glenn Beck in the same Time Magazine article.

2. Mr. Nugent has repeatedly served as a member of the Board of Directors of the National Rifle Association.

3. Mr. Nugent has had a very colorful personal life. He lacks a college education, so he, Todd Palin, Glen Beck, and Rush Limbaugh have a common bond. By his own account Nugent has urinated on a nun. He stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces. In 1978, when Ted was 30, he was involved romantically with a 17 year old girl. (At that time he was about 13 years older than this teenager. That is about the same age disparity between him and Sarah Palin.) He has been married to two other females (both were older than the 17 years old when they married). Despite being married to Shemane Nugent, Ted fathered a child out of wedlock with a woman with whom he had a "brief relationship" in New Hampshire.

4. Famous quotes by Mr. Nugent include:

On Apartheid:

Apartheid isn't that cut and dry. All men are not created equal. The
preponderance of South Africa is a different breed of man. I mean that with
no disrespect. I say that with great respect. I love them because I'm one of
them. They are still people of the earth, but they are different. They still
put bones in their noses, they still walk around naked, they wipe their
butts with their hands. -- Detroit Free Press Magazine

On Hillary Clinton:

"Toxic cunt. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro."

--Westworld Newspaper

On Women:

"I met a couple guys in line yesterday who go, 'Write something to my girlfriend, she won't let me go hunting.' I wrote her something and I said, 'Drop dead, bitch.' What good is she, trade her in, and get a Dalmatian. Who needs the wench?"

--WRIF FM Radio, Detroit, Michigan

He also called Senator Dianne Feinstein a "worthless whore."

On Homosexuality:

A "despicable act" performed by "guys that have sex with each other's anal

--Hannity and Colmes

On Animal Rights:
In a 1992 radio interview, Nugent referred to Heidi Prescott of the Fund for Animals as a "worthless whore" and a "shallow slut," asking "who needs to club a seal, when you can club Heidi?" Following this remark Mr. Nugent was sued and ordered by a court to pay $75,000.

On George Bush:
Mr. Nugent moved from his home in Michigan to Crawford Texas where he could hunt and be closer to George Bush. I know George and Laura bought a home in Dallas. I thought they just liked the Mavericks and the Cowboys, but now I understand that there may be security issues in Crawford.

On Barack Obama:
During a concert in 2007, while Barack Obama was campaigning for president, Nugent said to the audience "Obama, he's a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun." In the same interview, he said regarding Hillary Clinton," I was in NY and I said hey Hillary--you might want to ride one of these into the sunset you worthless bitch." In an interview with Royal Flush Magazine, Nugent was asked about his views of U.S. President Barack Obama, and he responded: "I think that Barack Hussein Obama should be put in jail. It is clear that Barack Hussein Obama is a communist. Mao Tse Tung lives and his name is Barack Hussein Obama. This country should be ashamed. I wanna throw up."

On Healthcare:
He also claims he is an expert on the healthcare bill, because "I kill pigs". He elaborated, saying that "communist, Mao, Che agenda of the communist, Mao, Che fans in the White House. They're pigs, Neil! We gotta kill the pig."

On Gun Control:
If these comments are not sufficient to convince you that Ted Nugent is unstable, watch this video, where he explains "I get to carry a gun nation-wide. I want warriors to have the tools necessary to stop evil."

I now have more insight into the person chosen to write such kind words about Sarah. I wonder if she considers him to be "MEAN SPIRITED". Two things perplexed me. First it was hard to reconcile Mr. Nugent's attitude regarding avoiding military service with Sarah Palin's praise of the military. The second disconnect for me was that Mr. Nugent has been an outspoken critic of alcohol, but of course Sarah gave the keynote address to the Wholesale Liquor Distributors convention in Las Vegas. Then I realized that I should stop trying to make logical sense of the choice of Ted Nugent as the author. The problem probably was not that she didn't know what God would say about her; but that Time Magazine probably wouldn't allow "God" to be the author. The real insight was that of Time Magazine's assistant managing editor Radhika Jones who curated the list and edited the issue. I bet Ms. Jones was worried about "God" being listed as the author. It seems as though she was able to identify the perfect person to lend his intuitive insight into Sarah Palin.

The most telling observation is who did NOT write the article about Palin for Time Magazine. It would seem to me that logical candidates for this honor might have included John McCain, Michael Steele, anyone from Fox News, anyone from the McCain Campaign staff, Sean Parnell (the person who took over for Palin when she resigned as Governor of Alaska), a hockey mom from Alaska, Lynn Vincent (the ghost writer of Going Rogue, who is now a right to life advocate, even though she herself admits to having an abortion), Pastor Muthee (the one who hunted witches in Alaska, and was Sarah's pastor), or a representative of "special needs kids" for whom she could have devoted herself, but has not. If Ted Nugent was the best person to grace us with his wisdom and insight into Sarah Palin, then the end of Sarah's celebrity status is close at hand. One valuable lesson for all of us is when reading anything about Sarah Palin, always consider the source.