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Back off, Michelle McGee

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Amateur philanderers like Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, and Jesse James have reduced themselves, their wives, and their lovers to widespread ridicule. These men might take lessons from my father, who has been obliging eager women since he was old enough to walk, by being unapologetic and open about their fondness for the fairer sex. You can't blame a man for cheating when he's never been anything but forthcoming about his manhood. Of course one might think this sort of womanizing is injurious to a family, and perhaps at times it can be, especially if promises of fidelity have been made, but honesty from the outset sure beats the pathetic humiliation of rehab, or worse, having to cough up a public apology for engaging in a perfectly normal human activity. The way I see it, the problem is not that these boys are bad. The problem is that the girls they cheat with are d-u-m-b dumb.

Perhaps I should thank all the young women who have helped my father feel young--as well as Monica, Rachel, and Michelle for supporting the needs of manly men--but one has to draw the line somewhere. First and foremost, I might point out that self-respecting woman do not sleep with married men. Though, if a normally upstanding women finds herself in such a compromising situation, she does not talk about it. She certainly does not go to the press with such information. A bimbo like this undermines herself as well as other women. Where is her sense of empathy? I doubt any women who says she doesn't mind if her man bonks another babe.

Additionally, a woman who doesn't realize she needs women friends to be socially successful, not enemies, is dense. She is also unlikely to be a very happy or stable individual without a solid group of female companions. Women who bed any man they can get their hands on are eventually shunned by both men and women. Sex with married men may be temporarily satisfying, but in the long run amounts to little. What these girls need is a good smack on the arse for being too proud, and another one on the hand for their offenses to female solidarity.

Obviously, men like my father are grateful such idiots exist, otherwise they would be stuck in a world with women they have to reckon with on a deeper level all the time. True intimacy is part of any functioning individual's life, but lets be realistic, it's not always easy. Sometimes people just need to let loose--why should they have to apologize for it? Blaming a man for wanting a casual connection once in a while is unfair. A little fling is a way to blow off steam, and so much less complicated than family life. The reality however, is that virile men don't have that much self-control. If a so-called hot chick wants an affair, she usually won't come up against much resistance. Men are programmed to spread their seed. They are also easily susceptible to flattery. Furthermore, unlike most women, they can compartmentalize sex. So I wonder, what is all the recent fuss about? Why are the men going to rehab when clearly, the women who bed married men should be the ones talking to shrinks?

What's even more upsetting than the fact that women like Lewinsky and McGee are near and far, is that this sort of crap is in the papers. That anyone promotes this stuff is as pathetic as a man who makes a false promise to be faithful. Americans are so damn righteous, except when they forget their morality. That all is right after an apology like Tiger's is proof that people are as dumb as they seem. Stupider still was Tiger for agreeing to the press conference in the first place. Was he under pressure from his sponsors, or was he brainwashed by his counsellors into admitting guilt? Either way, it's unfortunate he was unable to stand up for himself and his family. Really, the only one who deserved an apology or an explanation was his wife.

Affairs of adultery and marriage, it would seem, should remain private. Everyone would be better off if they did, especially innocent children. Imagine what it must be like for a kid, whose dad was busted with his pants down, when everybody in school knows about it. The poor kid is already suffering because there are problems at home. To have that pain compounded with the widespread knowledge of the impropriety is just cruel. Besides, children should be protected from emotions they are too young to process. Nobody wins except those selling "news", and I doubt many men are reformed by being outed. In the end, the only thing stopping men who cheat from cheating are the women who refuse him. So I implore you girls who have the hots for someone who's already hitched, be the best bombshell you can be, and find a man of your own.

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