Writing a book about today's smart, strong women has given me a chance to work around the world with females dedicated to achieving goals. Each experience has deepened my resolve to open people's eyes to two facts:
A study preformed by researchers at Northwestern University recently found that, first of all, "Women are viewed as less qualified or natural in most leadership roles ... and secondly, when women adopt culturally masculine behaviors often required by these roles, they may be viewed as inappropriate or presumptuous."
Therefore, when people talk about natural feminine traits as being receptive and nurturing, a growing number of women think either there is something wrong with them or they must be lone warriors to succeed. What's worse, their husbands, managers and teachers wish they would be quiet and more "ladylike," though most people except Florida Republican Allen West would ask us to be more "diplomatic" and "collaborative" when suggesting we change who we are.
So if you don't fit the accepted definition of "woman" and you don't bring those wonderful "feminine traits" to the table, who are you?
If you dare to be ambitious, pursue multiple passions with vigor, struggle with impatience, commit to excellence even if some people have to get out of the way for you and you strive to make a difference using your talents, are you a cultural misfit? If you are nauseous when seeing workshops on the Divine Feminine in your inbox, are you dysfunctional?
I would like for us to stop assigning certain personality traits and approaches to the "feminine" or the "masculine" which creates an "us vs. them" mentality that helps no one.
Shannon Kelly, author of the blog Undecided, wrote in her post Us Vs. Them, "We like our people simple. Our women especially. Easily defined. Simply categorized. And when it comes to women, the less threatening, the better."
The rise of females having the gumption to publicly express their ambition and opinions is not about women abandoning feminine values. We are all experiencing an evolution of consciousness where women are free to choose a life based on passions instead of expectations. It is exhilarating! But because there is resistance to this evolution, it is also confusing and often disheartening for women in both their personal relationships and in the workplace.
Whether you are a manager, teacher, or friend, can you ask every woman you meet what motivates them and what they want to create? Here is a hint... it might be different from what drives you and what you assume it should be.
It is time we look each other in the eyes with a sense of curiosity, to seek to know the person standing in front of us. Who is the person beyond the labels? What strengths, gifts, talents, and perspective does she, or he, bring to the moment?
There is nothing wrong with women who take on too much work for the love of it, who get bored if they can't look forward to new and exciting challenges or who give up an easy life or turn a down secure, well-paid job to find work that feels more significant.
The good news is that there will be more and more of these women. Whatever you call them, every year many women get stronger and more confident in spite of those who judge them.
Let's quit defining what a man or woman should be and get on with the business of being the best humans we can be.
If we can allow each other to be who we are, it will be so much easier for smart, strong, goal-driven women to proudly accept who they are. It is a time of transformation. As women walk through the fog of confusion trying to follow their hearts while "doing what is right," shouldn't we help them choose for themselves? Shouldn't we stand for freedom for all instead of confinement?
Being feminine is not the same as being a woman.
Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. explores the challenges and needs of smart, strong, goal-driven women in her book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. She is a professional coach and leadership trainer who works within a variety of industries around the world.
Follow Marcia Reynolds on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarciaReynolds
Everyone should read this, about Arnold and Maria's alimony battle...
"When femininity is a choice rather than a cage, it can be delightfully liberating. The same is true of masculinity. The goal is not to move from your cage to the opposite cage; it's to blow the doors off the cages and find a place on the spectrum that suits you."
That's the kind I like.
As far as women not being good role models or leaders goes WOW who the hell has been bringing us up all these before this bs.
There is nothing wrong with being Mrs Cleaver.
Its the selfish b--tch that makes it seem there is.
Thank you.
The men flirted with me, called me "honey" and opened doors but never viewed me as just a woman but as a dangerous political adversary. Managing my senator's 2nd campaign with the man who ran his first, my co-manager ceded the position to me realizing I was more politically astute than he. At the Capitol, legislators and lobbyists wanting something done came to me not my senator. They picked up fast he didn't make a move without my approval. They'd bend over backwards to get on my good side since I was on the board of several civic organizations and influential there also.
I laugh at articles like this about empowering women and smashing stereotypes. A competent woman secure in herself doesn't worry about silly stuff. Men aren't stupid and respect a woman who has game. They did even back when male chauvinism ran rampant. The NOW women would go on the attack to get ERA passed in our state. I got more votes for it from men who said they'd never support it by smiling sweetly than they ever did.
You can laugh at articles like this because you live in your word and it is incomprehensible for you that every woman is different and not all like high heels and make up...You are a disgrace and a very judgmental person calling your own kind "homely, domineering."
As far as the high heels and makeup; in the 70's, it was standard office attire even for feminists. Most of the time, I didn't even bother to do my hair, wearing it straight or pulled back. At the campaign office and meeting after hours with men I worked with, you'ld find me in comfortable flats, a grungy top and jeans. Stating the truth by describing certain women as homely or domineering does not make one judgmental. Most people aren't blind and would correctly say that Janene Garafalo is homely compared to Charlize Theron and that Rosie O'Donnell is domineering compared to Condoleeza Rice. All women are different. Not all feel the need to get uptight when confronted with stereotypes or if some male doesn't view them as an asexual being. The more secure a woman is in her own being, the less likely she'll feel the need to be traumatized by something as simple as a male co-worker offering to pick up a heavy box.
It's not going to go back to normal anytime soon.
We, the majority of men love our feminine mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. Now; The social role of women will improve through education, we see more and more women accomplishing their goals every day.
and what is wrong w/this statement? it seems ok to me.
Why should a woman's opinions matter any less than a man's? Why should women be viewed as less capable in a leadership role simply based on gender?
More important, perhaps, is why should a woman have to adopt culturally masculine behaviors to achieve the same accomplishments.