Yoga and Homemaking: The New Future of Women?

Yes, I've seen an increase in the women who take yoga classes in the past year. No, I don't think this means that women are moving their journey inward to find peace of mind.

A friend of mine gave me a copy of the article in the Jan. 9 issue of The New York Times Magazine, "Fear (Again) of Flying" by Judith Warner. It highlights women who are rejecting the notion that "personal liberation is to be found in taking an active role in the public world." Instead, the post-boomer, post-feminist woman is looking for her "own quiet center" in homemaking and yoga.

Yes, there are points made in the article that the yoga denizens are mostly highly educated, generally affluent women, and that some of the female midlife rebels have also been struggling to find good work during the recession. The overall message hinted that this is the wave of the future for women. I don't agree.

I am sure that there are women who throw in the towel due to their continual frustration with the lack of equal pay, equal chances for upward development and mentoring, and equal consideration for the most interesting challenges at work. Yet I wonder how many of these women are just taking a break to renew their passion? It won't be long before they yearn again for the experience of living life.

In my research with women and my experiences in 16 years of coaching them, I have found that women of all ages are demanding more from their work and their lives, not less. In fact, the search for meaning takes them on many adventures, few of them inward. Possibly they should stop and take the time to contemplate more. The smart, strong women I encounter have little patience for this.

The women I know are fueled by their desire for "motion and meaning" in their work. They love having frequent, new challenges to conquer -- ones that make them feel significant or give them a sound sense of purpose. They learn from their gains and losses. They are restless to find that "something more" that will help them define their existence.

When they slip into disappointment, face the intimations of failure, or refuse to get up because they are sick from exhaustion, a friend calls to remind them of their value, an e-mail shows up thanking them for the impact they made, and the sunset reminds them there is beauty in the moment of this life they are fully living.

My friend, Eileen McDargh, an amazing speaker wrote a brilliant New Year's post. She says she has discovered, "how very dependent we are upon an external world to help us see meaning and discover the deeper purpose behind the seemingly meaningless. It is impossible to truly be a 'woman or man of independent means.'"

Yes, McDargh is a boomer. In my travels around the world to promote my book "Wander Woman," I have found women of all ages across the continents who are enjoying their emerging freedoms to live an active, meaningful life.

McDargh went on to say:

I do not wish to go quietly into the next decade. I'll admit to needing bifocals and estrogen but I have no intention of aging. I'll trade exercise for cheesecake and Chardonnay. I'll forgo naps for too-late parties and choose time with my sweet spouse over a bursting bank account. I'll arrange to throw my old self away, to molt the dry skin of complacency so I can discover what is new to be learned and experienced.

There is nothing wrong with those of us who take on too much work for the love of it. We get bored if our plate isn't full of new and exciting challenges. We don't sacrifice our family but we don't sacrifice our full experience of life either. We aren't crazy if we turn down a high-paying job for one that feels more significant. We are seeking the meaning of life by living it.

We are women finding our way down this confusing, bumpy road of life. We have no intention of giving up the steering wheel. Watch out as the younger generations of women ardently take up more of the road.

Do I take yoga classes? Yes, when my body is travel weary and needs a good stretch. Then I am back at my work that is the experience and expression of who I am.

Don't paint us in any corner. We aren't going back.

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., author of "Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction" and "Outsmart Your Brain," speaks globally on leadership topics and coaches smart, strong women as they navigate their amazing lives.

 

 

 

Follow Marcia Reynolds on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarciaReynolds

Comments

[coalfury]

11:41 PM on 01/22/2011

Bravo, Marcia. I second it all. Couple of points: the demographic all of the articles explore is fairly affluent and leisured. Yes, those are also the people who take yoga classes, for the most part. And those are the folks who can afford to choose work or not, choose aging or not, choose 'fulfillment' as recreation.

The danger remains making white middle class women the litmus test for 'women'. Feminism is not about burning bras any more now, or choosing work and yoga, than it has been for the last fifty years. In the real word, 'meaningful' isn't measured by either work or hobbies.

I write on yoga. I believe yoga saved my life. I am hoping to become something of a teacher. But I don't want to teach in suburbia. I think 'meaningful' lessons take place more in schools, in prisons, in hospitals, and in shelters for abused women. It isn't about finding joy, not at first. It's about learning how to survive.

[Marcia Reynolds]

08:06 AM on 01/23/2011

Thank you for adding in the dimension of service. I too find fulfillment in the service I provide for others who are learning how to survive. That gives me a humbled sense of pleasure that no glass of chardoney can compete with.

[Lex Anton]

05:19 PM on 01/22/2011

Don't really care for the Boomer's outlook on the 21st century for women. I think 20 something females at the moment aren't doing certain things or thinking certain ways because of their gender. I truly think gender is becoming more and more of a non-issue. We demand equality for all in all areas, and we'll definitely fight for that. We are already independent women, nothing can really stop us. And to be honest, the whole tone of this article I find passe and boring.

[Disketta]

11:30 AM on 01/22/2011

Not really interested in boomer neurosis, sorry.

[gayleg]

09:44 PM on 01/21/2011

I choose exercise AND Chardonnay!

[Kathi Kizirnis]

08:55 PM on 01/21/2011

This made very little sense to me. No wonder so many are confused and frustrated, when we perpetuate ideals of ego, scarcity and duality. Shame on the author for deepening the rift between ladder-climbers and homemakers, working moms v. SAHMs, and implying that those who seek balance via yoga or any other spiritual — yes, spiritual — pursuit are deluded, repressed or somehow inferior.
Life as a woman is hard enough without this nonsense, and is also short. So, ladies, do what makes you happy, and do it well!

[Jeanne Ball]

08:45 PM on 01/21/2011

Practicing yoga and meditation doesn't mean a woman is not interested in pursuing an active or meaningful life. If anything, taking time to nourish yourself by gaining inner peace and relief from stress will only strengthen what ever career options one chooses. I teach meditation to women of all professions, each looking to harness more of her creative potential and balance the demands of
outer life with inner calm and clarity. I admire the creativity and skill of those who choose motherhood, as much as I admire professional businesswomen. When a women is grounded in her inmost nature, she is more intuitive and can better hear her inner voice to choose wisely how she spends her time and energy.

[Marcia Reynolds]

10:10 PM on 01/21/2011

I totally agree with you. The issue I had with the article is that they implied women were "retreating" to yoga and homemaking, which although some women may be doing this many aren't retreating to anything. Do we take daily retreats to renew with yoga, walking, meditating, watching funny movies, etc....YES. We are finding ways to blend our life with pleasures, not retreating from life. Or as you say, we are getting better at how we choose to spend our time based on what we want out of life. We are complex, not one dimensional, and I don't care for any article that implies we are giving up in any way.

[Diana Bianchini]

12:07 AM on 01/23/2011

I agree with you Jeanne. Practicing yoga and homemaking (perhaps we can assign a new vocab word if this is bugging people) has nothing to do with "throwing in the towel" in fact it sounds like an intentional plan to take care of yourself and actively choose how you would like to live. I take issue with women that feel "homemakers" are somehow less than professional women out in the business world. In fact, I wish more women might choose to be a bit more present in their homes and with their families. Unfortunately no one can be two places at once. Also...yoga could truly help us all be more focused on what type of woman we want to be.

[Sydney Light]

06:17 PM on 01/21/2011

I have taught yoga and studied yoga for more than fifteen years, and believe me, there are lots of high powered, adventure-oriented women who LOVE yoga and who meditate. This article managed to say absolutely nothing about the truth of women, yoga, and the ever changing world around us. No journey is merely external. To even intimate that is to not see what humans are made of. Women who practice yoga span every conceivable "type". Many of them are highly courageous and unique individuals looking to tap into a deeper understanding than just what they look like or how they are perceived. I make it a point not to be negative, but this article is a disservice to women whether homebodies or out-there professionals.

[Marcia Reynolds]

10:12 PM on 01/21/2011

The article isn't meant to put down yoga. It's meant to put down the suggestion that women are retreating from life. I practice yoga myself, along with other rich experiences in my days.

[texaholic]

02:31 PM on 01/21/2011

How amazingly timely this post is in my life. I have recently delved into the most interesting adventure I've ever had....MYSELF. Such a true awakening, that I won't even try to explain. But, Ive been journaling my experience at Kripalu becoming teacher certified. My goal is to publish my memoir I'm writing. I'd love to stay in touch and would be honored if you read my blog:

whitadvisor.blogspot.com

Namaste

[KathleenQYD]

01:43 PM on 01/21/2011

Wow! This article feels like a bit of a 'reaction' versus a 'response'. I think there is room for both. In my experience of working with individuals, they (and me, too) are seeking to integrate both sides of their Self. We are made up of a unique set of elements that include our individual polarities. We are always seeking to bring these two together. However, the focus of this integration is different for each and every person. For one, it may be homemaking and yoga, for another work and artistic pursuit, etc... It isn't the activity itself that is calling to be seen. Rather, the experience that lies beneath the area in focus is the key to our individual fulfillment.
www.QuintessentialYouDesign.com

[spitfiredd]

02:52 PM on 01/21/2011

What "both" sides of the self are you referring to?

[KathleenQYD]

03:24 PM on 01/21/2011

Thanks for asking --- when I say both sides, I am fundamentally referring to Essence and Expression. We humans are a combination of the two. Our Essence is our internal experience while Expression is the external outcome of that experience. It is not a singular thing. Our Essence is ever emerging our Expression, in all circumstances and under all conditions. Hope that helps. If you are interested to read a little more, check out www.QuintessentialYouDesign.com

[macdarling]

01:10 PM on 01/21/2011

Thanks, Marcia, for picking up the drum sound and passing it down the valley and to the next mountain. We have become a people of KRONOS-- organizational minutes that we mark off with our goals and productive output. What renews and energizes us is KAIROS- sacred moments. Whether taking yoga or playing with a puppy, holding hands or shuffling through new snow, we become NEW in the moments.

[CarolHorton]

12:24 PM on 01/21/2011

I think women are still feeling very confused around these issues - in fact I found this article itself quite confusing. We live meaningful lives by working (which seems to only mean outside the home in a paid job) but don't view work as an end in itself? We don't use yoga to go inward because we are so committed to working "out in the world" but we also realize that true meaning is found by living life fully, which can't be defined by work? It goes around in circles . . .

Personally, I think that anyone, male or female, is very lucky to have something that they can get paid to do that is meaningful to them. But we have to recognize that most people don't.

Also, no matter how satisfying your career if you are fortunate enough to have one, there is always still a need to go inward in order to find deep meaning.

And, traditional women's work - taking care of home and children - still seems awfully devalued. Doing this well is so important and it is real work. The moms I admire share this same value whether they are staying at home, raking in millions, working a low-paying job they are committed do, or slogging away to pay the rent or mortgage at a plain old J-O-B, unglamorous job.

[pondaweaver]

11:42 AM on 01/21/2011

See, now this kind of attitude is just what drove me out of my career and ultimately made me who I am now...a homemaker. And while many of you strong, smart women look at my life with chagrin and suggest I have "thrown in the towel," I would argue that my life has more purpose and direction than it ever has. The problem with the boomer-feminist mentality is that you still believe that a woman has to act like a man in order to consider yourself successful in life. It makes it extremely difficult for the younger generation of mothers to find a work/life balance. I have been discriminated against the most for my familial status by boomer women in the workplace than anyone else. Way too many of my mentors consider work/life balance as not staying late as much as they used to... not understanding the current cost of child care and don't understand that work/life balance for a young mother means that their hours are not very flexible... So yeah, I'll hang my master's degree on my nursery wall and pretend I majored in homemaking; because right now, that is what fulfills me and I won't be shamed into feeling like I'm less of a woman because of it or not "living and active, meaningful life."

[phnxrth]

03:31 PM on 01/21/2011

I relate to your comments more than to the article, pondaweaver.

[pondaweaver]

04:43 PM on 01/21/2011

Much appreciated...

I just think the author is out of touch with the actual "successful" working woman. I was wonderfully successful and fulfilled in my job in the public service sector...but that doesn't pay the bills. We aren't all CEOs, CFOs, or the like who can afford nannies and after school programs, etc. The day I realized that 3/4s of my monthly salary was going towards someone ELSE raising my child 10-12 hours a day, my husband and I had to re-evaluate our priorities. (And of course, he makes almost 3x what I was.) Who knows, maybe it's the NYC culture I live in and the corporate mindset. I just can't buy into it.

What's funny too, is that I have picked up yoga since leaving the workforce....comes on FitTV every day at 6pm for half an hour. Sucks to have commercial breaks, but it's free for me! LOL

[KathleenQYD]

05:03 PM on 01/21/2011

Good for your pondaweaver! Several years ago, I chose the same thing for a different reason. Successful in a corporate career, I watched my Dad 'wait' to retire and then within three years of doing so, become a semi-quadraplegic through an accident. As my parents got older and life changed, I found myself more and more wanting to be available for more than corporate work. My desire to fulfill all parts of me began to take over and in allowing that desire, a new kind of life became available. It is not a life without ups and downs, ins and outs, gifts and challenges but it is uniquely my life and I love it! Included in this life of mine, I ended up creating something completely new for my work and at the same time, supporting others in seeing all of who and what they are designed to be. Within us lives the blueprint that is perfect for our individual life.... and it is different and perfect for every single one of us. That said, we have to be willing to explore and in that exploration, ultimately discover and follow our own experience.
www.QuintessentialYouDesign.com

[New Yorker]

11:05 AM on 01/21/2011

Pretty hard to live on Yoga and Homemaking, Money for food, a roof, a car, insurance, taxes, medical care, etc. always gets in the way.

[gayleg]

09:49 PM on 01/21/2011

Hello! And yes, yes indeed!

[acrossthewalls]

10:24 AM on 01/21/2011

"It highlights women who are rejecting the notion that "personal liberation is to be found in taking an active role in the public world." Instead, the post-boomer, post-feminist woman is looking for her "own quiet center" in homemaking and yoga." - I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

My work is meaningful to me, and I couldn't imagine just ... not working (wtf would you do all day?). That said, I believe firmly in the 'work to live, don't live to work' mentality. I also find great joy, great peace, and a refreshingly honest, private sense of accomplishment in my yoga practice.

Growth should happen inward and outward, not one or the other.

[Brooke Reinhart Watson]

09:49 AM on 01/21/2011

I disagree. I think many intelligent women are raised to think that working is the only way to find meaning in life--only to discover that is untrue.

[MamaontheGo]

02:45 PM on 01/21/2011

Amen preach it sister. I have a master's degree and had a career before I married and had kids at 37. Homemaking, working from home as my husband's business partner, and the creative projects that we launch as a family are better than any job/career I have ever had. I didn't retire from my career because I "gave up". I chose to enter a new phase of my life with pleasures and fulfillments of its own. This article just is amazingly patronizing and offensive.