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Never Trust a Naked Massa in a Tickle Fight

Posted: 03/11/10 12:57 PM ET

Republican-on-Democrat malice hardly merits a headline after "You lie" was shouted at the president during a joint address to Congress.

Democrat-on-Democrat malice is still newsworthy and any Democrat ready to unload on President Barack Obama is an instant hero in some quarters, as former New York Representative Eric Massa found out this week.

The Republicans' embrace of Massa is a prime example of Obama Derangement Syndrome, which expresses itself in hating anything that the president likes, even if you once loved it, like a bipartisan commission on the deficit or Medicare cuts. Obama could make Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell vice president and not one Republican vote would change.

But Massa became something more as the backbencher used gullible Republicans to go out in a blaze of infamy. Republicans wanted a Democrat to go rogue, and he went rogue big time. Forgotten was Massa's resignation because of a sexual-harassment case before the House ethics committee and lymphoma, which he may or may not have. It was Massa as the conscientious public servant who was "smeared" and "kicked out of Congress" for daring to "buck this all powerful White House" because he was going to vote "no" on Obama's health-care package.

Leave aside that he wasn't kicked anywhere but quit and that many potential "no" votes are blithely eating bean soup in the House dining room today with no worries about being smeared. Massa's tale was irresistible -- a turncoat willing to single out the son of the "devil's spawn" otherwise known as Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who already was the center of stories about White House palace intrigue.

Naked Man Talk

Emanuel's evil ways became apparent to Massa in the shower in the House gym, as gripping a scene inside the Beltway as the classic at the Bates Motel in the movie "Psycho":

"I'm sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird," Massa told a local radio station over the weekend, "and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest....Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?"

Don't know how awkward or that men sat to shower. Was it more or less awkward than the incident that got the ethics ball rolling in the first place? Massa, who is unusually friendly with the male staffers he rooms with, was accused by one of tousling his hair at a wedding reception, claiming how he'd rather be "fracking" him (a term not widely used except among Battlestar Galatica fans) than one of the bridesmaids. Fracking means what you think it means.

Thanks for the Memories

The Son of Satan said he has no memory of berating Massa in the nude and Massa has no witnesses. But Republicans were so entranced by the thought of a White House adding the Massa Massacre to ugly deals like the Cornhusker Kickback and the Louisiana Purchase in its demented quest to pass health care, they went for it.

The Republican National Committee immediately sent out a release critical of Speaker Nancy Pelosi for treating the serious charges as a "rumor." That left some Republicans hoping the incident might yield revenge against her for the resignation of Speaker Dennis Hastert, who quit in 2007 over his handling of complaints that former Florida Republican Congressman Mark Foley had harassed male teenage House pages.

And the right-minded bullhorns, if not the leaders, of the party came out in full force. Rush Limbaugh, vowed to make a "national story" out of Massa's claims that Democrats orchestrated his downfall. The Drudge Report ran a banner headline all day: "Rahm 'would sell his own mother for a vote.'" Glenn Beck said he would devote his whole show to Massa on Tuesday.

Taking a Flyer

That's when the new romance died. Massa was so incoherent on Beck he could have been a double agent planted by Democrats to show just how big a flyer Republicans will take to make Obama look bad. Massa preferred to talk about tickle fights (by his account, a staple of Navy life), wrestling with young guys and other gropings which may or may not have happened.

He left Beck unsatisfied in his quest to have a Democrat agree with him that Obama is taking the country to hell in a handbasket. Massa was televised proof that he, not Obama or Satan's progeny or anyone else, took his seat away from him. Not since South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's non-trip down the Appalachian Trail has a public official embarrassed himself more.

The Massa affair might be a teachable moment for Democrats tempted to pick off one of the Republicans hammering Liz Cheney, the ambitious spawn of former Vice President Dick Cheney and co- chairman of a group called Keep America Safe. In her crusade to portray Obama as endangering America, she put together an ad impugning the values and patriotism of the "the al-Qaeda 7," lawyers working at the "Department of Jihad" (Justice) who had once represented terrorism suspects in court.

Starr Aligns

Numerous former high-ranking officials of the Bush-Cheney administration, legal scholars who have supported draconian detention policies, and Bill Clinton special prosecutor Kenneth W. Starr, among others, pounced on the latest in a "shameful series of attacks" by Cheney. "The American tradition of zealous representation of unpopular clients is at least as old as John Adams' representation of the British soldiers charged in the Boston Massacre," Starr and other lawyers wrote in an open letter.

How heartening for Democrats to find Republican soulmates who love the Constitution more than debasing Obama at any cost. But unlike Republicans with Massa, they should resist the impulse to expand their mattress to include bedfellows like Starr. They'll find out, as Beck did, that it's fracking dangerous to sleep with the enemy.

This post originally appeared on Bloomberg.com.

Margaret Carlson, author of "Anyone Can Grow Up: How George Bush and I Made It to the White House" and former White House correspondent for Time magazine, is a Bloomberg News columnist. The opinions expressed are her own.

 
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Querent
I just had to say that.
10:15 PM on 03/14/2010
"Never Trust a Naked Massa in a Tickle Fight."

Probably the most nauseating headline since "George W Bush wins Presidency."
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
Eykis
12:05 PM on 03/12/2010
Margaret, EXCELLENT, as always. Right on.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
apauline
my perception, my reality
10:50 AM on 03/12/2010
Margaret Carlson....you go girl!
06:29 AM on 03/12/2010
>>How heartening for Democrats to find Republican soulmates who love the Constitution more than debasing Obama at any cost. But unlike Republicans with Massa, they should resist the impulse to expand their mattress to include bedfellows like Starr. They'll find out, as Beck did, that it's fracking dangerous to sleep with the enemy.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
momstudent
01:30 AM on 03/12/2010
You are spot on again Margaret...as usual...This has been horrible to witness another/similar "Sanford" moment/days now...I cannot bear anymore with Health Care, two wars, jobs. All are far more important to our country than Macca or Emanuel...No one single person is more important the people...
01:21 AM on 03/12/2010
"Rahm Emanuel is the son of the devil's spawn. He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive..."

I was rotflmao when I first heard those words LMAO! I don't have anything against Rahmbo but damn kiddies...that's funny right there, I don't care who you are...
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HUFFPOST PUNDIT
TexasMike
Liberals=Liberty/Republicans=Regression
12:55 AM on 03/12/2010
Obama Derangement Syndrome. Interesting concept. It reminds me of similar behavior during the seemingly endless sectarian violence in Northern Ireland years ago. I remember a story of one side or the other actually shooting a family's pet dog. In my opinion, I feel we will see an increase in violence against federal workers and places where they work, as unconscionable rabble rousers like Glen Beck, Laura Ingram and Rush Limbaugh whip up the mindless hatred of anything "liberal" and/ associated "federal". We all know that just about all republicans hate both liberals and government and usually with amazing dexterity manage to blame past republican government miscues and abuses on democrats and not on the actual party in the majority. So it goes with the current democratic party majorities being demonized constantly by the right wing punditry....who shrug their shoulders and claim "Who ME?" when some sideshow freak goes on a federal killing spree.
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
springsm
11:51 PM on 03/11/2010
Massa has alot of troubles, but he seems to have come unglued. I wonder if we should stop with the mean talk. He is a bum, but he has serious issues. I wish he would have just gone home and sought professional health. I did enjoy Glenn Beck's astonishment at trying to keep up with the unraveling Massa. My gosh the naval scrapbook stuff. I still think that this meanspirited humor should stop.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
doneflyin
my micro-bio isn't
08:50 AM on 03/12/2010
Here's one I agree with. The pile on needs to stop. It's gone to the extreme with guys like Maher telling this guy to kill himself. That's ugly.
12:17 PM on 03/12/2010
This 'man' could be responsible for millions of people losing access to healthcare, which could lead to their death. The last thing I could care about are his "feelings" he brought this on himself.
11:47 PM on 03/11/2010
massa gives lip-service to hc reform but voted against the last hc reform bill that passed the senate, despite his opposition. (wiki)
11:28 PM on 03/11/2010
massa is a former repugnicant. he changed parties in order to become democratic. so really he's a DINO (democratic in name only) massa didn't really change his views, he just changed his political party.
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MajorKong
If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally
10:41 PM on 03/11/2010
I'm waiting for Obama to come out strongly against sticking a fork in your eye.

Then I'll be treated to the sight of conservatives jamming forks into their eyes while yelling "You can't stop me!"
11:50 PM on 03/11/2010
major: funny. let's hope this happens.
09:02 PM on 03/11/2010
It's tempting to say that all rightist ideologies are a form of derangement, but more accurately, they are in practice nothing more than a means of promoting greed, malice, and deceit, as the frantic efforts of those trying to attack Ms. Carlson here are proving.
08:21 PM on 03/11/2010
She says "Republicans" over and over but the truth is she means Glen Beck. She cannot name the republicans because there are no others. Beck and Larry King (and he is no republican) were the only two interviews that Massa did and after he proved to be a democrat flake, the story was done. And, then Beck even apologized to his audience for wasting their time.

Folks, this looks to me like Carlson is still suffering from republican derangement syndrone. And, Glen Beck scheduled a bad interview for which he apologized.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CynAnne
Laureates in Fact and Reality
03:16 AM on 03/12/2010
Beckles should be apologizing, Beau, for that lame attempt to whip his viewers into a frenzy. To keep his hate-hounds baying properly, he needs to stick to his strong suits...like insanely convoluted conspiracy theories. For example, here he is, cracking the "Rockefeller Center Secret Commie Society Circle"! Behold the mystery, as explained by Beckles (and with a little help from Keith): http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#32682775 and http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#32698624 ...Oh, the hilarity...errr, I mean, humanity! ;)
07:53 PM on 03/11/2010
This is conserviate against liberal.

Conservatism was founded to destroy democracy, republicanism and the Enlightenment of the people.

So, Rich powerful Conservative leaders have to propagandize the poor conservative foot solider dupes to accept serfdom.

for Conservatives,

Public lying

is proof of conservatism.

The danger today is plutocracy, a monarchy of money: Conservatism.

We need to return to the Liberal values of the founding fathers, both democrat, and republican.

The US founders loved " The Enlightenment" of the people. that's part of the general welfare. You need to feed cloth and shelter people before you can educate them, and hopefully Enlighten them.

Never vote conservative.

Throw the Conservatives out in the primaries then for for the liberals in the main election!

"America, the first modern liberal state was founded, without a monarch or a hereditary aristocracy.[8"

"Liberalism first became a powerful force in the Age of Enlightenment, rejecting many foundational assumptions that dominated most earlier theories of government, such as the Divine Right of Kings, hereditary status, and established religion. The French Revolution, which implemented some of these new ideas, was a seminal event in the history of liberalism. John Locke is often credited with laying the philosophical foundations of liberalism.[3][4][5] "

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberalism

Conservatism was founded and continues to be for Destroying the Republic and the Democracy and selling it to the plutocracy.

Conservatism was founded to undo the Enlightenment and the French revolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism
10:49 PM on 03/11/2010
We call the trolls on it, so I guess we need to do it to our own.

Copy / pasting posts, esp 2 minutes apart on different threads, is not the kind of behavior I would expect from you.

Just sayin'.
02:05 AM on 03/13/2010
I always add a little new part.
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HUFFPOST PUNDIT
den1953
The best politicians are for free!
07:50 PM on 03/11/2010
The Republicans want to trade one Massa for two Mark Foley's and a Vitter and Ensign and they'll throw in a Glen Beck for good measure!