Sigmund Freud stated, "The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?" Flannery O'Connor, meanwhile, said, "A good man is hard to find."
Well, Sigmund, you are not alone. Sit down, put your feet up and light up a cigar. Drum-roll. It's time for some enlightenment. You mean there's a list? Of course there's a list. We just haven't shared it with you before now gentlemen. And it's time to change that. We know exactly what Flannery meant since we already coined the thought.
First, we play some background music: a song by The Strokes, entitled "You Only Live Once." In this, we're told that sometimes even with"29 different attributes" to a man, perhaps there's "only 7 that [we women actually] like." The premise here is we women know precisely what traits we like in men, even if men are the last ones to figure this out. Hint: there are actually ten things we love, not just seven.
What do powerful, complex, flexible women truly want from men?
1. Have Integrity. Be manly in all that you do. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And by this I do not mean be arrogant or cocky. A man of integrity strikes me as someone who is confident. And well if you're kind into the bargain well that's just even more sexy. The definition of integrity itself is "the adherence to moral and ethical principles; the state of being whole and solid." Lies are never hot. Nor is the omission of the truth via silence. Acting with integrity is pretty simple: Be a good man. And we'll love you for it. If you can use this goodness to make the world a better place, then we want you all the more.
2. Be Present. By this I also mean have some self-awareness; be mindful, strive to make a deeper connection with us. It's my experience that women who act unnecessarily clingy only do so when they are lacking in attention. That means perhaps you're not being present with us and we sense it. We are confident women. We don't need you, we want you because we love you and choose you. But if you're not present, it causes problems. When you're in the moment with us everything else fades away. Oh and note to self. A man with presence strikes me as a man who is confident, also.
3. Be Complimentary & Considerate. Yes, we confident women have our own self-esteem but we like to hear you say nice, honest things since you're our man. Tell us what you love about us, specifically. We believe it about ourselves but when someone we love says it, wow, that's hot. As for considerate, to me that might equal making an effort and trying to be a good listener. We don't want to be priority all the time but we do want to be referred to sometimes and considered. And did I mention a man who is considerate and sincerely complimentary strikes me as a very confident man? [Did someone turn the heat up in here?]
4. Take Initiative. [Temperature still rising in here.] You know honestly, we know we can do this (and we can live alone as Amazon warrior women with one breast intact) yet sometimes don't want to control it all. Initiative is a serious turn-on in a man. Often, the devil is in the details. We don't care what you take initiative in, whether it be declaring that you will make the dinner reservations, you will take out the garbage, you will pick the concert, just every once in a while we just want to know you've got it covered. Grrr. That's hot.
5. Be Passionate. It's rare to find. Be passionate in something that you do since passion spells everything. We don't care if it's politics, football, music, cooking, dogs, billiards or stamp collecting for that matter. That's irrelevant. When we see you with a commitment, devotion, excitement expressed about something with no restraint then we add two plus two together. If you're passionate in one area, we know you'll be passionate in the bedroom. It's not what society says you should love. It's not what your friends or family say you should care about. It's what you, at the deepest and most honest part of yourself, love. We hear it in your voice, the self-assurance, how articulately you speak about this topic and it drives us crazy, in a good way.
6. Express Humor & Positivity. We love humor, even if it's just being able to be witty in response every once in a while. We don't want a clown all the time, but every so often someone who can laugh is a big deal. I once dated a man and no matter how angry or upset I was I couldn't stay angry with him for long since he had a great sense of humor. I also dated a man who was serious all the time. Guess which one I preferred? It takes a confident person to be able to use humor in the right way. OH and not forgetting optimism too, that's always good. Together they are dynamic. Dealing with pessimism all the time becomes exhausting.
7. Know Yourself & Be Yourself. Or at least strive too. Now, that, gentlemen is sexy. You don't have to know everything about yourself (you can still be searching in some areas) but some self-awareness is hot. If you don't know yourself, it will be hard for us to figure out the real you. Real men I think know what they believe and what they value in advance. Someone with a kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others. You also are in touch with your feelings and you're not afraid to spend time learning, growing and developing. We don't care if you're not exactly where you want to be but we love to see you make this effort. And, note to self, people who know themselves often express vulnerability. And there is absolutely nothing sexier than a vulnerable man.
8. Don't Take Us For Granted. Yep, I said it. We women notice these things though we often don't say anything until it's too late. There's another particular line in the same Strokes song I referenced earlier that states, "Men don't notice what they've got/ And women think of that a lot." Make an effort in something when it comes to us. Anything. Remember our birthday, remember what dessert we like or our favorite show. Things from the heart especially count. And small things count greatly. We are caring by nature and not taking someone for granted is hot.
9. Show R-E-S-P-E-C-T. "Find out what it means to me," as Aretha Franklin sang. Yes, please, be respectful of us since we will love you for it in return. We do respect ourselves already and so it shouldn't hard for you to respect us in this way, too. Respect us for who we are and who we are to you and we will return that favor. We all want to be loved and valued and appreciated. If you love and appreciate us then we will love and appreciate you. Men respect the women they love. And sadly men do not love women they cannot respect. Treat us like a lady, always. And we will treat you like a man in return.
10. Go With The Flow, At Times. Planning is all well and good but sometimes planning is not so good. I adore men who can switch from a long week at the office (or elsewhere) to a long weekend of camping with me. Simply put, I love men who can be comfortable in any situation. Turn off your phone when the time is appropriate. You men are so used to making things happen, from doing your jobs, to running a household, to handling other stressors (and boy do we appreciate you for that), but sometimes you just really need to be able to let all that go and breathe (and we can help with that). Change the pace, slow down, don't try to control every single situation and just go with the flow. And maybe that means following us into the bedroom. Don't worry, we got you covered. SMILE.
In conclusion, if a man has or demonstrates any of the above, it would be hard to ignore him. Just sayin'. Remember gentlemen, sexiness begins long before the bedroom but having some of these traits can guarantee a certain sizzle appeal and a fast-pass. Women like us will always be attracted to men like you. And that Freud is the answer you were looking for. That's all us women want, as much as we can get. And just like the song states, We Only Live Once," so it's best to know what we really want. And men like this, strong, soft, intelligent, sensual, kind, down-to-earth we want you, voraciously and eternally. Men like you are hard to find. We will be waiting for you, as the song goes. "[We'll] get along with you."