Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Sex means different things to different people, and what it means to you might be having a big effect on your relationship.

I've been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one...

Marty tells me in a phone session, "Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"

Fiona tells me in a Skype session, "Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."

It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you...

In 1961, author Robert A. Heinlein coined the term "grok" in his bestselling book, Stranger in a Strange Land.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines grok as "to understand intuitively or by empathy; to establish rapport with" and "to empathize or communicate sympathetically (with)."

It is gratifying for all of...

In many relationships, one person complains about not having enough time with his or her partner, while the other complains about needing space. Find out how to resolve this conflict.

"He's not here for me," complained Hailey. "We don't spend enough time together."

"She's too needy. I need space,"...

Nicholas consulted with me because of problems he was having in his marriage. He was very distressed that his wife, Kayla, never wanted to have sex with him.

In the course of our work, it became apparent that Nicholas was very judgmental of himself. Throughout a day he was...

Ronald, the CEO of a large furniture manufacturing business, spent his days focused on making sure that everyone in his company was doing their job. From the time he got to work to the time he left, he never tuned into himself. He completely abandoned his feelings and needs while...

"The modern tradition of equating death with an ensuing nothingness can be abandoned. For there is no reason to believe that human death severs the quality of the oneness in the universe." -- Larry Dossey, M.D.

Kenny, a client of mine, told me that his mother had a stroke and...

What's playing on your inner TV? Your inner TV is the screen in your mind upon which you create various scenarios. Perhaps the channel is "Reliving the Past." Maybe it's "Controlling the Future." Is your channel on "Obsessive Thinking," where you are ruminating over and over about a...

Take a lesson from Elvis Presley: Learn to define your own worth, instead of having to ask others, "Who am I?"

I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His...

We are often told that gratitude is a powerful way to open the heart and manifest what we want. And it does open the heart and support manifestation -- when our gratitude is coming from a sincere desire to be loving to ourselves and with others.

But have you ever...

Angelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing. In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval. Serena was a taker -- handing responsibility to Angelo for her happiness and often becoming angry with...

"Sandra wants to end our marriage," Ted told me in our phone session. "She says that I am not meeting her needs."

I often hear this in my counseling practice.

How did we get the idea that marriage is about the other person meeting our needs, or about our meeting...

When I got pregnant with my first child, I read everything I could find on parenting. I wanted to find the 'right way' to parent, which I knew was not how my parents had parented me. I was sure there was a right way -- if only I...

How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining...

Which is more important to you in your relationships -- to be kind or to control?

There is a powerful choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness -- with yourself and others.

This may sound simple,...

What do people mean when they say, "Have faith"?

To me, this means we believe we are always being guided in the highest good of our soul, even when bad things happen. It means knowing that when difficulties occur, we have not been abandoned by God. It means, even...

Why do we blame ourselves and others? What is the payoff?

Blaming Ourselves

I had a session with Frank, who was very upset with himself for playing tennis so badly in his recent match. In fact, he was furious with himself. "I'm a much better player that that!...

Most parents REALLY want to be good parents. But since it is rare for parents to take parenting classes before becoming parents, we inadvertently do lots of things to mess up our kids. This tongue-in-cheek article may help you to see what you are doing!

1. Ignore the crying

The...

Sheila was stuck. Even though she was trying to hard to change some things in her behavior -- especially her anger and her clutter -- she found herself doing these things over and over. Then she would get upset with herself, telling herself she was stupid and incompetent.

How...

"... beauty on your earth is a shadow of the beauty of our heaven, and it's a bitter thing to have a blindness for beauty on earth, for it makes a longer teaching to see the beauties of heaven." -- Spoken by an Irish spirit in the book "The...