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Want to Feel Safe in Your Relationships? Take Risks!

04/11/2016 02:58 pm ET
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The ways that our ego wounded self goes about trying to create safety in relationships generally have the opposite result. Discover what really creates an inner sense of safety.

One of the main purposes of our wounded self is to create a sense of safety. The wounded self goes about creating safety in ways that we learned as we were growing up. Your wounded self may believe that you will be safe if:

  • You shut down as a way to avoid the pain of rejection.
  • You get angry as a way to control others and the outcome of things.
  • You get angry or irritated as a way of avoiding your feelings of helplessness and loneliness in the face of others' unloving behavior.
  • You give yourself up as a way to avoid criticism and rejection.
  • You resist to avoid being controlled.
  • You shut down, resist, or get angry to avoid being taken advantage of.
  • You judge yourself as a way to have control over getting yourself to do things "right."
  • You shame yourself as a way to continue to believe that you are the cause - and therefore are in control - of others' behavior.
  • You stay in your mind as a way of not being controlled by God or others.
  • You make others responsible for your feelings and needs.

And so on...

Yet every one of these protective behaviors is an abandonment of self, and therefore makes you feel unsafe. What your wounded self learned to do to try to make you feel safe as a child actually undermines your sense of safety as an adult.

So what creates real inner safety in your relationships?

Paradoxically, inner safety is created through risk-taking, such as:

  • Taking the risk of rejection by speaking your truth, stating your limits, and taking action based on your truth.
  • Taking the risk of being controlled by God by opening to the love and wisdom of your Higher Power.
  • Taking the risk of rejection by being true to yourself rather than giving yourself up.
  • Taking the risk of others thinking they are controlling you by doing what is in your own highest good, rather than resisting others or God.
  • Taking the risk of losing yourself (your ego self!) by letting go of being guided by your limited mind and opening to the guidance of Spirit.
  • Taking the risk of letting go of trying to control the outcome of things and staying present in this moment with how things are.
  • Taking the risk of defining your own self-worth instead of handing that job to others.
  • Taking the risk of staying present in your own body and feeling your feelings rather than staying in your mind to avoid the painful feelings of your self-abandonment, or the painful feelings of life.

You will never feel safe if you are trying to figure things out from your limited mind. You will never feel safe when you try to have control over things you have no control over - others and outcomes. You will never feel safe when you abandon yourself and try to get others to take care of your feelings and needs.

You will start to feel really safe only when you are willing to risk letting go of control and resistance, and open to the love and wisdom of the higher guidance that is always here for you. When you open to knowing that you are never alone on this planet - that your spiritual guidance is always here and always supporting the highest good of your soul's journey, you will start to feel safe.

True safety comes when you know that you are not your body - that you are an eternal being that is here on a soul's journey. Safety comes when you know that you were not dropped here alone to fend for yourself, but that you are being guided toward your peace and joy every moment of your life. True safety comes when you surrender your individual mind to your higher Guidance and allow your soul to have dominion over your body/mind.

Start learning to love yourself with our free Inner Bonding eCourse at http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day at-Home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For partnered individuals & couples, & people who want to be partnered."

Connect with Dr. Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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