THE BLOG
04/25/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Hoping to Get Back Together After the Breakup? There's a Better Answer Than "Yes"

"Just get over it!" "Get past it!" These commonly-given and common-sense responses to our breakup experience just don't help for some of us. There are many reasons why we are not open to moving on after a heart break (usually in this case we are the Break-ee as opposed to the Break-er; otherwise we wouldn't be so upset).

In general, most people do need a certain period for dealing with their tough emotions after a loss like this. What amount of time that is optimal for you is a good thing for you and your therapist to decide, not everybody else. Some people feel fine in a relatively rapid amount of time. I remember when my long term marriage broke up (decades ago). I had done so much grieving about the loss of the marriage before the actual breakup that, when it was finally over, there was a relief. I felt so fine, so fast, that the marriage counselor claimed I was stuffing my feelings - I simply couldn't feel that good he insisted. He didn't account for all the time inside the marriage when I was sad and heartbroken about it.

But, for others -- like some of my clients, readers, and friends -- the leftover feelings can last for years. Uh...perhaps that might be a bit too long.

One reason this occurs is that one person or even both people involved still feels a continuing emotional or energetic (or both) connection. These cases are typified by a continuing affection, or continuing anger. People in this situation say they might think of their ex often, or even dream about them at times.

Will We Ever Get Back Together?

I have sometimes found, when doing readings, there is still energy between the two people, or as I tell them, they are not done yet with each other. In these cases, many want to know then if there is any chance they will get back together. It makes sense, to me when doing an energy reading, that a person would feel this way. He or she can sense that the existing connection and want to know what will come of that. Left alone, this feeling can go on for years in some situations.

If this is your question, let me give you the very best metaphysical answer possible: "Act as if you will Never Get Back Together." In some cases, I can certainly read a future possibility of coming together again. However, it is in your best interest to always, after a breakup, act as if there is no chance. As you see, this is somewhat similar to the common sense advice illuminated above.

There are two reasons that I would put forward why this is your best post-breakup mantra. First, cutting off any hopes of a future with the ex helps you begin to fashion and build up your own life, now without that person. This contributes to you becoming a more happy and fulfilled you, in a faster, clearer way, than if you continue to hold out for the possibility. That leads to a second reason. If you are one of the statistically rarer couples that does get together again, you return to it a more fulfilled, happier you, which always benefits a close connection.

So, the best answer for the question: "Will we ever get back together?" is "Act as if you never will."

Contact Margaret Ruth at mr@margaretruth.com, www.margaretruth.com or visit her Facebook Page with your ideas.