05/04/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

How Can I Stop Thinking (and Dreaming!) About the Ex? Find Your Inner Sumo Wrestler

This is a question from a reader:
I just read your article "Hoping You Will Get Back Together after the Breakup?" I love your theory; I think all the advice you have to give is wonderful. So as someone who has recently gotten her heart crushed, I find the part I struggle with the most is the continuing thinking of the ex and wondering what he's doing, how he's feeling...etc., etc. Even though I have no desire to get back together with him, but after a two year relationship find that it's hard to just not ever think about him. (and he comes in to way too many of my dreams!)

So what I am wondering is if you know a good way to disconnect the energy between two people's chakras? What is the best way to disconnect any remaining feelings (especially the negative) And just expel the emotions that are still trying to hang on??

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

There might be several reasons why people find themselves thinking about exes.

* Still trying to get over the loss -- a proper type of grieving for many

* Wishful/Imaginative -- thinking of ways to get together, revenge, what you would say to him if you ran into him?

* Sheer Intellectual, Emotional and Physical Habit: This takes retraining to replace with a New Habit (like thinking of redecorating your living room, or new photography ideas, or...)

And sometimes dreaming about that person is a reflection of what is going on with you. Some dreams are a translation of the inner you -- your mulling over the situation and him continues in the dream. But, sometimes, as you mention here, the dreams reflect a continued energetic connection.

Thinking and dreaming that result from still feeling the connection between the two, -- or as I wrote about when there is still "energy" between you -- those can be hard to stop without doing the disconnecting on All levels. This is what I think you are asking about. We can rarely make ourselves stop thinking and dreaming while the energetic, or psychic, connection is alive.

Several methods to do this were once suggested to me by a Energy expert and Reiki Practitioner. I paraphrase her below.

Method One -- Visualization

Start by picturing the connection between you as a chord between your third chakra and his, and then do/visualize the following:

a) gently removing it from your third chakra and placing the chord into your heart chakra (the fourth). You then keep the loving feelings and lose the connection. She explained that people liked this gentle method of canceling the connection. If that doesn't work then --

b) taking a nice pair of scissors and cutting the connection cord and take the remnants and put in a nice lovely box -- decorate the holder box however (Gold? Ribbons? Pokemon Stickers?) If that doesn't work then --

c) And I added this one once I got the hang of this energy thing: Take your Inner Sumo Wrestlers and Inner Dock Workers Local Members and grab that connection sucker and yank it off, rip it to sheds and pile into handy waste bags to put into the Universe's Garbage Hauling Truck as it drives away into the ether.

That last (c) can be very effective.

Method Two: Emotional Freedom Technique

This is a technique perfected by many energy workers and body workers that helps people literally jab at the knots in their energy fields till they are gone. I know a few people who have found that this is an effective way to get rid of leftover connections that really do need to go away. Ask your friends that are active in the massage and Reiki fields of study whether they know how to do it or can recommend someone. Or you can go to, the website for this technique for more information.

And let me know how these work for you.

What are your struggles? Let me know and please comment here with your thoughts. You can also visit Psychic Margaret Ruth at or on Facebook too.

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