5 Life Lessons From The Dying

Serving as a volunteer caregiver for Zen Hospice, is one of my life's greatest blessings. Far from being a hardship, the experience has been a series of lessons in better living.

Here is what the dying have taught me so far:

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Emulate the dying who don't have time to waste in false talk. Death approaching brings a sense of urgency that can serve the rest of us just as well. Why not speak your mind and your heart? Why pretend? Why be polite when you don't mean to? Why lie to yourself, or others? The gift of realness will serve not just yourself, but others around you also. It makes for deeper, more truly loving relationships. The kind that make life worth living.

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Emulate the dying who don't have time to waste in false talk. Death approaching brings a sense of urgency that can serve the rest of us just as well. Why not speak your mind and your heart? Why pretend? Why be polite when you don't mean to? Why lie to yourself, or others? The gift of realness will serve not just yourself, but others around you also. It makes for deeper, more truly loving relationships. The kind that make life worth living.

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Comments

[Colleen Loehr]

01:42 PM on 08/10/2010

Awesome article! I will share with others. Thank you!

[khanti]

09:25 PM on 08/09/2010

'Living is uncertain. Death is certain.'

[PenguinLinux]

10:59 AM on 07/20/2010

"Death" is really a misnomer, as is "birth". both of these are not points at which something ends or begins, but merely transition from one state of being into another. We cannot lose life, as we do not HAVE life, because we ARE life....and life goes on. Life is energy, and energy merely changes form. There is nothing to fear. I've had some experiences which cannot be conveyed in words, yet I understand this truth.

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

08:24 PM on 08/09/2010

Thank you for sharing. We do not own anything, even ourselves. If we have any doubts still, we only need to spend some time in the hospice ward to realize that truth . . .

[Chauncey Zalkin]

07:02 PM on 07/15/2010

as huffington posts way too many fluff pieces these days, this is a good human interest / service piece. good job. very thoughtful and feels personal to you (the writer).

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

08:15 PM on 08/09/2010

Thank you, Chauncey! Authenticity is one of greatest gift we can offer as a writer.

[Puffin16]

01:58 PM on 07/14/2010

Although my mother died 23 years ago, what I remember most is the kindness of the hospice staff. They helped us through her transition, and I'm always be grateful to them. That memory, and this article, have inspired me to volunteer at my local hospice.

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

08:14 PM on 08/09/2010

Oh! I am so glad. Love makes all the difference, doesn't it? With it, even the most trying experience can be a source of deep healing.

May you find fulfillment in your new path as a hospice volunteer!

[Nancy Cronk]

01:25 PM on 07/13/2010

Thank you for these beautiful reminders. I learned a great deal this past month sitting with my father in hospice. I hope you will also look at my post. Again, thank you! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-cronk/my-fathers-final-journey_b_638917.html

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

04:31 PM on 07/13/2010

Such a beautiful eulogy you wrote Nancy! I was very moved. Your father would approve :)

May you continue to heal, with the support from your family, and all your friends.

Peace.

[Ljilja]

09:18 AM on 07/13/2010

Thank you for your article. The tips you give are profoundly important and essential for every human being to internalize and understand. Most of our lives we try to pretend that death will not happens to us, to run away from what we know awaits us. Only once we face our deepest fears, can we lead a free and fearless life.

My mother's death was a seminal time in my life. My sister and I spent two weeks in the hospice with her, non-stop, while she was dying. We mostly held her hands and sang to her quietly. It was a deeply emotional and difficult time in our lives. But it has enriched us beyond measure. Neither of us seems to have a fear of death any more. Our mother has given us the most valuable gift of all.

http://graciouslivingdaybyday.com/

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

04:33 PM on 07/13/2010

Yes. So much of our fears about death are imagined. I am glad you got to be with your mother till the end. Such a gift to her, and to yourself!

[Damiano Iocovozzi MSN NP]

08:49 AM on 07/12/2010

Thank you for demystifying this truly enriching experience, Ms. Rao. The best new resource for those who have exhausted every medical option and who may have less than six months to live is Sooner or Later: Restoring Sanity to Your End of Life Care (Transformation Media Books) which explains and extolls hospice care in a friendly and comfortable way. All the questions are provided to ask specialists and social workers during the opinion phase with room to write the responses. Abundant examples and ethical models help the reader process those turbulent emotions and help the reader see himself on the continuum of life with a beginning and end. For those families who demand the "everything" of medical futility, the "everything" is described: the violent and unnecessary code blue and the nightmare of the ICU where a person loses control over the dying process. The stigma of death and dying is alive and well in the USA which is so costly and futile: $10,000 per day per patient in ICU for no reason versus the $100-$450 per day for hospice care at home where a person stays in control, comfortable and is reflective of meaning and peace. Please visit the web page at soonerorlaterbook.com to listen to the author and several prominent physician radio personalities discuss hospice and end of life care options to gain the kind of experience you describe.

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

04:44 PM on 07/13/2010

Thank you for sharing. Seems like a great resource!

And, yes, the economics of hospice vs. prolonged hospital end of life, are obvious, not just in terms of financial but also emotional costs. The more discussions like these, the more opportunities for the public to get educated.

[Savage Saint Roger]

06:46 AM on 07/12/2010

It's true! Become a hospice worker or volunteer today if you want to experience the ultimate experience. You will learn the true bottom line there!
This type of work is extremely rewarding. You learn humility, peace, what true priorities are, and what it's like when the ethers open up and bring us back!
With all the angels hanging around the dying one wonders how they get any other angel work done. It truly is easier to die than to be born!

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

04:47 PM on 07/13/2010

Absolutely. Being with the dying is a gift, not something to be dreaded.