One New Years Eve, my cousin and I went to our favorite spot, Tiffany's, a rather "happening" club in 1980s Washington, D.C. where we'd always met our share of interesting men and had numerous nights of fun. Our hair was styled perfectly, and in an attempt to snag our future husbands (Oh, God, please!), we had blown our paychecks on designer fashions. We were, in essence, two fine, irresistible women.
I will forever recall that night as one of the worst club experiences I've ever sat through. No one approached us the entire evening. Between the two of us, we had not one dance, not one complimentary drink, not one anything. Did I mention that in spite of how fine I thought I looked, I also had a fever of 100+ and felt like dog poo, or that my cousin, who's very fair-skinned, looked like she was turning green around the gills and was coughing every five minutes? We gave it our best shot for a good two hours, then we slunk home, defeated.
The age old adage, you're as beautiful [irresistible, wonderful, whatever] as you think you are, certainly applies here. I looked great on the outside, but felt crummy on the inside. Every fiber of my being was screaming I'm sick as a dog and need to be in bed. In conjunction, my cousin with her coughing fits and runny eyes was manifesting her own deleterious vibes. We received exactly what we put out. We were as irresistible as two dead cats. Since that cringe-inducing experience long ago, I've gone through eight well-earned lessons that are applicable to any woman seeking to be an irresistible supernova.
Believe it or not, being irresistible has nothing whatsoever to do with looks. Yes, beauty makes men sit up and notice, but being irresistible is so much more than appearance. It starts with knowing your worth as a woman and literally being comfortable with who you are. And women who are comfortable within, project that comfort without. They smile, showing an openness and accessibility, which makes men feel it's OK to approach them. And, I'll let you in on a little secret -- a lot of men don't approach women because they think they'll be turned down. A smiling woman, at peace with herself, is something men find irresistible.
Men find confident women alluring. Women who give off a certain "I really don't need you, but I'd like to get to know you" air are seductive to men who see these women as challenging. Being overly needy and cloying puts you in dangerous territory. In the back of their minds, men view needy women as potential stalkers, and high maintenance.
A woman with a great sense of humor and a great laugh is not only irresistible to men but women as well. Women with humor have a tendency to put everyone at ease in their presence.
OK, I lied, looks really do have something to do with irresistibility, but not in the way you're thinking. Rock an appearance that's uniquely you, not Kim Kardashian, Lupita Nyong'o or Katy Perry. Sure you can copy a celebrity's style every now and then, but why not develop your own? Why not have everyone follow your fashion sense? Play up your strengths, and learn to get over your flaws. If you've got great big eyes, accentuate them and study how to use them to flirt. If your lips are seductive, wear a color or gloss that highlights them and shows them to their best advantage. It's how you wear it -- not what you're wearing -- that determines whether you pull off a style or not.
While we tend to view men as the stronger sex, He-men of the universe... in reality, men are sometimes like puppies (for the most part). They spend half their time questioning their prowess. The average Joe is not Tom Brady, Matthew McConaughey or Denzel Washington, and they're well aware of it. Complimenting men on any thing is a sure fire way for guys to find you irresistible. Who doesn't want to be appreciated?
6. Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact while speaking with a guy and having your eyes twinkle is another way to magnetize guys. This tells a man first of all that he's got your attention and he's worth your time. Take it one step further and bat your eyelashes once or twice and touch his arm or hand while speaking and nine times out of 10, he's hooked. But don't get phony and go all femme fatale on him.
There is nothing irresistible about slovenly hygiene. Cleanliness carries an attraction all its own, from freshly washed hair to brushed teeth, to clean, spotless clothes. Just as you'd write off a guy with food stains all over his clothing and matted, unkempt hair, when you show up with spinach clinging to your teeth and smelly breath, you're being written off as well.
8. Mysterious You
Last, but not least -- hold out. Don't tell your life story right away or go into all your past relationships or why you sued your second husband. Have some mystery about yourself. Hold back on all the details that make you, decidedly you. Tell just enough to have him want to know more about the intriguing, irresistible you.
Follow Mari Lyles on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Coachmari1