Few events can put more stress on a mother-daughter relationship than planning a wedding. Even though you love and respect your mom, your visions for the Big Day will not match up perfectly -- and Mom is an easy scapegoat when the stress of wedding planning takes a toll.
With Mother's Day around the corner, here are a few tips to help you respect your mom's perspective without allowing her to take over your wedding vision.
Mom's Been Daydreaming, Too
Just as you daydreamed about your dress, the flowers and Prince Charming when you were a little girl, your mom has probably imagined you walking down the aisle since the first time you played dress-up. Flatter her by asking early in the process about her ideas. Take her on a walk down memory lane by looking through the photos from her wedding; it will make your mom feel special and might even give you an idea for your "something borrowed."
She's Not A Wedding Planner
Your mom will want to help you plan your day, but don't automatically assign her the daunting task of coordinating your wedding unless she happens to be a wedding planner. If you need help, companies like 1-800-Registry offer complimentary access to wedding planners that can help you find reputable wedding vendors, book appointments and narrow down your options -- without the emotional baggage or resentment that might result from assigning your mom to these tasks.
Share Your Vision
Let your mom know that you and your fiancé have a vision for the wedding; give her visual cues that will get her inspired to contribute ideas that work with your theme or color scheme. Invite her to join Pinterest so she can look at your wedding boards or create a few of her own. Once she understands your vision, she might reign in some of her more interesting ideas and contribute a few that are just right for your occasion.
Say Yes to the Dress
While Mom may be holding the purse strings, that doesn't mean you have to like her purse. If you and your mom have differing opinions on fashion and style, set your expectations early by having a frank conversation with her about respecting your wedding style choices. But remember, respect begets respect, so bite your tongue when her Mother of the Bride dress is not exactly what you had envisioned.
Show Her That You're An Adult
If you want Mom to treat you like an adult, act like one! Set a budget for your day and work within that budget. Take advantage of free tools from online wedding planning sites, including budget trackers, calendars and guest list managers that make it easy for you to show her that you're organized and able to stay on task. After all, it's not Mom's job anymore.
Bring Her Back to the Future
Don't let your mom convince you that you need stemware for 12 or two sets of flatware. Instead, fill her in on the trend toward non-traditional honeymoon registries, where couples receive experiential gifts to form memories that last a lifetime. Any financially savvy mother can appreciate registering for gifts that will help you afford a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon.
Take some time out from the stress of wedding planning and make a date with Mom, for Mom. Sure, it's not her wedding, but she's still an important part of your day. You both want her to look her best in front of the camera and with family and friends she hasn't seen in years. With Mother's Day around the corner, schedule a special mother-daughter day to shop for her dress, indulge in a facial or set-up a makeup consultation. It's a fun way to accomplish all of her wedding makeover preparations and remind her how much she means to you.
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