This has not been a good month for men or women: The head of the International Monetary Fund stands accused of sexually assaulting a maid, which has brought to light other similar allegations against him. There's Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY), whose name alone became a running joke after he tweeted explicit messages and photos to total (female) strangers (including, apparently, a teenager). Finally, we have John Edwards, former presidential candidate, indicted for possible misuse of campaign funds when he tried to hide his mistress and their baby.
But, women, do not despair. Along with these tales of sexual abuse and impropriety has come a very powerful blowback: intolerance of these abuses, and the conversation we are all now having about sex and power.
Let's talk first of France's Dominique Strauss-Kahn and the French reaction to his arrest. The French have been historically accepting of DSK's bad behavior at the IMF and beyond. Word was, when America had its sex scandals, Europeans would shake their heads and wonder why we were hyperventilating about a little horseplay. After all, even former French President Francois Mitterrand had both of his families at his funeral. But instead French women have been coming out of the sexual harassment closet, saying they should not have kept their mouths shut. Like the teenager who said that for seven years she feared the "notoriety of her well-known doctor in Nice" but now was willing to file a complaint against him. This is a sea change, and a much needed one if women are to be accepted into leadership alongside men.
Then there are our home-grown scandals. First, Anthony Weiner. His wife -- the widely respected State Department deputy, Huma Abedin -- hasn't left him, but she also didn't stand beside at that painful news conference. This is definitely a step forward for the spouse of disgraced politicians. John Edwards, who had an affair with (and impregnated) a campaign staffer, had the good will of his daughter by his side as he left court last week, nothing more. His career and reputation are destroyed, and I would guess that even his late wife would score better polling numbers.
Yes, we are disgusted. Still, with so much of the mess of sex in our faces, I'm hoping for a silver lining for women's leadership. Traditionally, one of the reasons women have not made it to the top of corporations and boards of directors is the discomfort of the men they'd have to work with. Sometimes, the men admit it. Only a week ago, I spoke with a group of women leaders, many of whom serve on boards that are actively seeking more women. One talked of a male board chair who admitted that, while he liked the female names that were submitted for consideration, he was reluctant to elevate women he didn't know, and therefore, just "wasn't comfortable with."
After all, comfort demands familiarity, knowledge and contact. We know what that means, don't we? The most recent study by the Center for Work-Life Policy, The SponsorEffect, shows that "most senior men (64 percent) avoid sponsoring junior women for fear of speculation of an affair." And 50% of junior women are hesitant to have contact with senior men for the same reason. Policies around office romance are often not clear, not known and/or not enforced. This denies junior women the support that's critical to advancement in their companies and to positions on the boards that look to the C-suite for recruits.
But I say, let's just talk about it. Let's get the discomfort on the table and let's expose its seamy underbelly of sex. Let's discuss this ambivalence and discomfort and replace it with respect and sponsorship, with healthy relationships between senior partners and the women they're bringing along in the corporation.
French Finance Minister Christine Lagarde will probably succeed Strauss-Kahn to become the first woman to head the IMF; this will undoubtedly change the serious hanky panky in the fund's offices that has terrorized women there for a very long time. Norway's successful legislation guaranteed that 40% of the seats at publicly traded companies would go to women; countries throughout Europe and beyond are following suit. You can't convince me these gutsy moves won't change how the work gets done.
So, come on, people. This is a tipping point. It's time to stop tsk tsking about the behavior of these men and to start using it for an honest conversation that will move the ball (pun intended). Women are only 15% of corporate boards in America, and we are 51% of the population. I'm done with the notion of men not being "comfortable" with women. As gender minorities in the top ranks, women have lived with discomfort for decades. Really, guys. It's time to risk discomfort and sponsor worthy women in corporate leadership. Just leave your libido at home where it belongs and let them do their jobs.
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Bessma Momani: Is the IMF a Sexist Organization?
Let's stop looking at superficial symptoms of this age old "battle of the sexes" and get down to discussing what real partnership looks like with those unweildy twins of sexuality and power.
Sylvia Lafair author "GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change"
Unless you don't think women are people.