It's tempting to want to lash out after divorce, especially if you have been wronged, cheated or duped by your spouse. It hurts when someone betrays you. It hurts when trust is broken. It hurts when your life is turned upside down. This is not to say you can't hurt or take time to work through that hurt. But you can't go crazy just because you've been hurt.
It is of the utmost importance that you keep your composure and take the high road when you can. You have to be an example for your children. They need to know that one of their parents is remaining solid and reliable.
Here are 3 things you can do remain calm, cool and collected:
1. Meltdown in Private - Remember Fatal Attraction? Remember how crazy everyone thought the Glenn Close character was? Well, it's true: doing something drastic will make you look crazy! Think about your actions. Take a walk, call your best friend and tell her your crazy thoughts -- but do not act on them. Do you want your children to have a crazy parent? Do you want all your friends, your co-workers, your ex's friends and your neighbors to call you crazy? You really don't. In addition, behaving in that manner is not good for your mental or physical health.
2. Focus on the Bigger Picture - Sometimes you have to look at everything in the broader spectrum. Will this really matter 20 years from now? Will this really be important if this was the last day of my life? If you honestly think about it, you will decide that you have bigger fish to fry. You would hate to go all crazy and do things that you regret only to look back years from now and want to hit yourself over your head and say, "what was I thinking?" This is a good way to look at things as begin to heal. Use it as a guideline before you act. There is a wonderful quote from Gandhi: "The future depends on what you do today." You cannot change what has happened in the past. You can't go back and have a re-do. You can, however, choose how you handle things today.
3. Use Your Power for Good - You have pent up anger and nowhere to place it. Here's a great idea: use it for good. Help yourself. Get that rockin' body you have always wanted. Take the class you have always wanted to take. Go on that trip you have been dying to go on. Just do it! You have the time and you know you have the energy. So take a deep breath. Plan a workout. Meditate. Try yoga. Go for a run. Call up your best friend and let it all out. Cry if it feels right. You are strong and you can get through this. Instead of spending your energy trying to tear your ex down, take that same energy and build yourself back up.
Doing the above three things will help you avoid social disaster. It is not okay to wear crazy pants. You will live longer if you are cool, calm and collected.
Follow Marina Sbrochi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Divorcedwkids