Signs You are Making Your Divorce Bitter
We all know it takes two to tango. It also takes two to un-tango. Divorce would definitely be considered an un-tango. As you can imagine, the un-tangoing is always the worst part.
The majority of the time, both parties are equally upset about the ending of their marriage. How you deal with divorcing when you have children can affect the lives of your children in ways you might not imagine. If you find yourself in the midst of a bitter divorce, you may want to ask yourself if you could be part of the problem.
If you find yourself guilty of any of the below behaviors, I dub you guilty of making your divorce bitter.
Constantly Bitching About the Ex -- If you have nothing better to do than bitch about your ex, YOU are the problem. How can you possibly move forward in a productive and positive manner if you are living in the past? Do you enjoy living in the incredibly annoying and bitching past? You must if you constantly keep talking about it. If you think your friends want to hear your incessant complaints about the ex, you are sorely mistaken.
The Fix: May I suggest doing 20 squats every time you feel the urge to complain about the ex. One of two things will happen; You'll either learn to stop bitching or you'll have the tightest ass on your block.
Your Attitude Stinks -- Smile? You don't know what a smile is anymore. Everything your ex does irritates you. Your kids irritate you. Your job irritates you. You think life is unfair and your crappy attitude reeks for miles. Nobody wants to be around an unhappy person. If you bring this bad attitude to every negotiation in divorce, you will forever be pulling teeth.
The Fix: Hello friend? If you are in there, things are positively lovely out here if you would just see the glass as half full. You are what you think. Turn that frown upside down and find something to happy about. You're breathing right? That's something to cheer about! See, it's easy. Find 10 things to be thankful about today. Do this every day and before you know it, your attitude will be amazing!
You Keep Tabs on Everything -- Do you keep score? (Note: You are not a referee) Do you remember and remind your ex about every time you spent a dollar more than he did? Do you have the hours spent with your children down to the millisecond? Do you ask your ex to give you the rundown of everything she did when she was with the kids? No one likes a nit-pick. Life isn't about keeping score, it's about kindness and love to one another.
The Fix: Drop your tally board. We are all on the same team. Team kids! Just remember that your kids don't want to hear you call out every little thing you do for them. They don't want to feel like obligations and figures for tax write-offs. They want to be your kids. They want your love. Stop counting and start loving.
You are Not Cool -- Do you have the inability to be flexible? Do you hear the phrase, "Lighten up Frances" more times than you can count? Would the Fonze give you two thumbs down? Dump that uncool drip you've become.
The Fix: Lighten up and be cool. It's a proven fact that things go more smoothly when you are cool. People like cool people. People get along with cool people. Cool people don't get bent about every-little-single-thing that happens to them. It's easy to be cool. Just stop being a uncool.
May I recommend meditation? It's a great place to start if you want to be cool. Check out www.presidemeditation.com. Artie Wu has some of the best guided meditation around. You will feel yourself being cooler immediately.
I hope you aren't guilty of any of the above offenses. If you are, it's okay, you have the fixes. All you have to do it fix it. Redemption for all. As a nice bonus, you will find that your communication with your ex will improve and your overall well being will feel exponentially lighter. I'm not quite sure what bitter weighs, but I'm told it's quite heavy. Pat yourself on the back, you are improving the world one cool, calm person at a time.
Follow Marina Sbrochi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Divorcedwkids