With Valentine's Day 2014 approaching, not everyone will be bubbling over with joy, receiving a red velvet covered heart box with chocolate and two dozen red velvet roses. Some of us may be feeling a bit sad and nostalgic over what was or could have been after a break up. Some of us may be mending our broken hearts. We may be bombarded with celebrity breakups, like Kris and Bruce Jenner, or Demi and Ashton, but these are just surface splits. True love and connection have a deeper experience not glorified in the tabloids.
Do you remember that book, Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He Will Change, by Robin Norwood? Being in love at any age is blissful, magical and filled with new and exciting experiences. Discovering a mirror into your own heart is something we all need, want and desire. When it runs its course, (and you were expecting it to last forever) it can catapult you into a downward spiral. You find out all the little wounds that have not been healed and are running you. If you can access your authentic feelings and surrender to the process, you will begin to find meaning in all the aspects. Since I have experienced the most profound breakup of my life, at the cusp of 60, I have been awakening to a deeper part of myself. I am finding ways to deal with the loss, through trial and error. I hope some of these tips can help you, too.
1. Let the tears flow. In the beginning there is the whole Elizabeth Kubler Ross thing: The Five Stages of Grief, which seems to follow her model on death and loss that definitely shows up. Don't hold back, don't stop the release, heal those wounds that have been buried deep within since childhood. It's amazing how much stuff shows up from our unhealed wounds from the past. This type of loss can trigger things that were buried so deep, you thought you were over it. Somehow they show up again to heal even more.
2. Start with a lifeline. Not just one, as many as possible, so you don't overload anyone. Do it when you absolutely have to, while you practice shifting your focus moment by moment. Don't let your monkey mind and obsessive thoughts drive you into a downward spiral. Let yourself vent for a limited amount of time each day and then move forward. Move into neutral and then up into positive. Sometimes I meditate, or chant or do whatever is possible to release the negative. I chant while in the car, especially en route to work or yoga, it seems to work best.
3. Get grounded in nature. Immerse yourself in beauty for the soul. Walk, go barefoot on the grass, do yoga and/or meditation. Do it often so you can experience a breakthrough and get deeper into yourself. Discover you spirit. Release the past and discover your true self through your soul. Find or create a sacred space and visit it daily. Learn to just be, immersed in the absolute miracle of it all.
4. Get connected to the higher power within. Seek G-d, the highest source or whatever you believe in, but do it with all of your heart. This is an opportunity to really find yourself and have a deeper connection to the divine.
5. Do something outrageous. If someone asks you to go to something you probably would not do, (like I did) such as going to a women's empowerment group at a Wolf Sanctuary on sacred land, and hang out with tamed wolves. Go dancing around the house in your birthday suit. Be spontaneous, impulsive and outrageous. Just go and do it!
6. Start a new life that you've always wanted to do. Now is the time to reinvent yourself. Even at your age! Start that new project, write the first pages of that book, go to an art class, spinning or study quantum physics. Create a dream board and place all kinds of imagery of your new life as a visual meditation.
7. Find gratitude/appreciation every day for every little thing. I just got an invitation to go on a press trip to St. Lucia the end of the month. We are staying at Jade Mountain Resort, a hotel that I have seen in magazines and in my dreams. I was hoping to go with the X but now I am going alone. It's a wellness retreat, something I absolutely love.
8. Take care of your body. It is necessary to heal the body/mind/spirit in unison. Synchronicity played a big role in discovering a new source of healing. I saw a sign in a window about this Hypnutritionist and how to connect with your subconscious to become more healthy. I discovered this hidden gem, Laura Lewis, http://lauralewis.com, fitness expert, hypnotherapist, nutritionist with firecraker energy. The first time I met her, I thought, YES! This is a reflection of the new me inside. This champagne bubbly, ever changing beauty-blond-to-redhead and back, energetic, zany, uplifting spirit is a godsend to anyone who needs to get a shot of positive. She is the embodiment of aliveness. She is a great mirror and another role model of how to ride the wave of life's uncertainty with beauty, balance and strength.
Her infectious smile, contagious energy, keen intellect and passion for facilitating positive change in people's lives illustrates the fact that Laura is a memorable "media-genic" force to be reckoned with in the realm of life enhancement categories"- See more at: http://lauralewis.com/about-laura/#sthash.1EAWVL3g.dpuf
Change isn't easy, more often it's wrenching and difficult, but maybe that's a good thing, because it's change that makes us strong, keeps us resilient, and teaches us to evolve.-Jake, Touch
Some 70 percent of men and 59 percent of women age 55+ are willing to date people of other faiths, according to the survey by the online dating site OurTime.com. It's much more important to the younger men: Just 56 percent of those 18 to 34 would date someone of a different religion. Religion was much more important to folks in the West and South than the Northeast.
Some 46 percent of adults 55+ are open to dating someone of a different race, compared to two-thirds or adults ages 18 to 34. Overall, 65 percent of men are willing to date someone of a different race, compared with 51 percent of women.
Some 60 percent of adults age 55+ say they're open to dating outside party lines, compared to 66 percent of those 18 to 34. Politics are a bigger deal in the South than Northeast: two-thirds of the latter were open to crossing political lines, compared with 59 percent of adults in the South.
When you suspect your date of bad behavior, spying is a bad idea. About three-quarters of people age 55+ said it's bad form to snoop through a significant other's text messages, voicemails and email to try to confirm suspicious behavior. That compares to just 63 percent of people 18 to 34 and 60 percent of people 35 to 44.
Cheaters get a second chance with older men -- not so much with women. Some 53 percent of women and 35 percent of men are unwilling to working things out with someone who was sexually unfaithful, no matter the circumstance. That compares to 42 percent of adults overall.
Follow Marjorie Hope Rothstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/the5starlife