Let me begin by reassuring you that you read the title of this article correctly-I am advocating that everyone going through a divorce should heed the example of media giant Howard Stern--at least in certain respects. Let me additionally disclose that I have never met Mr. Stern or his former or present wives, so my conclusions are based only upon what I have heard during Mr. Stern's radio broadcasts, his various television appearances and his enlightening recent interview as the cover story on the Rolling Stone.
I have always respected Stern's willingness to push the limit of the envelope and his fervent passion for the First Amendment, even when he would be mocking one of my clients. He has earned a reputation for his outlandish exploits on the air that have included insights into matters that would be considered extremely personal to most of us -- including the miscarriage of his former wife's pregnancy. But he does intelligently self impose certain significant limits on his freedom of speech, which all of us should follow.
Let me explain: For years, Stern had always spoken lovingly about his former wife and his children while he shocked the morning drive time of our nation. Then seemingly, out of the blue, he was separated. And then he was divorced. I do not know what the reasons were behind the divorce, and to my knowledge Stern has never revealed what those reasons are. He has only expressed the pain the divorce caused him and his family. But to my knowledge, he has never once spoken publicly about the details of his divorce or maligned his former wife. I have never read anything any that Stern's former wife has stated about her ex-husband or the divorce. When Stern remarried, there was no public rancor regarding his decision. Not from the husband, not from the ex-wife, not from the present wife and not from any of the lawyers. The children of the family were never mentioned. Everyone handled what was no doubt a very stressful experience with respect and dignity.
I am sure that some cynics will state that Stern probably is restricted by his settlement agreement from making any comments about the divorce. You are probably correct and that shows the good judgment of their parties and their attorneys by including such a provision. But I candidly think it is more than that. I am sure that the Stern's wanted to keep such a highly personal matter as confidential as possible. Too many people don't realize the long-term harm of a short-term decision to verbally attack or disclose information pertaining to a spouse, especially when children are involved.
Another example--Alec Baldwin was very wrong when he lost his temper with his daughter. But he did so after having endured what must have been an insufferable divorce experience. He apologized, was obviously devastated by his words and has hopefully mended his relationship. Nonetheless, the conduct that was even more outrageous than his words was the release of the voice mail message by someone that had to be extremely close to the family, if not part of it. Hurting Baldwin was done at the expense of an innocent child, and that is shameful.
I believe that matters of marriage and the reasons for separation and divorce are inherently private, and should be kept that way. So whoever might think that Howard Stern does not set a good example is simply wrong. Like Stern, understand and appreciate what is appropriate to disclose and what is not. Fight the urge to hurt your former or soon to be former spouse with words and actions that can never be undone. Your children and your conscience will ultimately thank you.
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Howard's a stand-up guy. People forget, he's a neurotic Long Island Jew. Cut off his hair and shave a foot off his height and he's Larry David's cousin.
He is not depraved--his guests often are. It's because he is the complete opposite of them, and finds them fascinating.
I take Howard at his word when he says he's never cheated in his life. He's an obsessive compulsive, neurotic person, and that's why I believe his wife divorced him. They were getting older and she realized he wasn't going to grow up. She wasn't going to have her dream of growing old with a man and traveling and becoming worldly with him. He was going to be obsessed with his work for years and years to come.
The way Howard tells it, his wife told him, they were in tears for an entire weekend, the kids took it really hard, and they were separated. There was no dirty laundry, no leaked photos, nothing like that, simply because he always left the fame at the door.
He's a flawed guy with issues who goes to therapy. He's also a really good husband and father who gets furious over mistreatment of animals.
You know what they say, about judging and books and covers and all that stuff.
interviewers ever heard on radio. The purpose of the article was to offer my admiration of how two former spouses/parents embraced privacy and good judgment in the context of their divorce for their own benefit and for that of their children. My hope was that all readers going through a divorce would follow the Stern's example. What if Mr. Stern had acted like Charlie Sheen presently acts towards Denise Richards? Now that would be something to "bash" about. Perhaps his antics should be the subject of my next blog....
Just started listening a couple of months ago and I'm astounded at what a different person he is. He's actually genuinely happy and somehow has become wise and mature.
BTW... I think these are pretty innocuous comments, but the moderators here refuse to post nearly 90% of what I write. Why? I never get an explanation about what I have said that's objectionable.
That's right, Robin. I invented family values and accoustic music.
Tell em', Fred.
hoo hoo..'
Also,he's no role model.The fact is that he's embroiled in a lawsuit right now and he needs good PR.
His team and his guests are some of the best in the business. When he interviews a star-quality guest, his questioning style is disarming, entertaining and probing. He rarely lets a big story get away. Some of his in house guests are friends and fans that we, as media consumers, are big fans of. In recent months, his guests included David Arquette (a huge media buzz), Chris Rock (who is always saying how much he loves the show while his wife hates it and Howard), Jeff Propst, Jimmy Kimmel and Jerry O'Connell (all three of which consider themselves superfans) and an interview with Billy Joel that, IMHO, was the best interview I've ever heard about and from the artist.
About a month ago, he actually transformed Twitter in a way that all others are trying to imitate. He gave us his view of his movie WHILE we were all watching it live. The King of All Media lives.
BaBaBooey to all.