04/22/2013 06:28 pm ET Updated Jun 22, 2013

Gimme Shelter, NBA

In an unprecedented move, every male college basketball player in the United States has declared himself eligible for the NBA draft. The news has sent shockwaves around the nation and has put all A.D.s in a frenzy in an attempt to floor competitive teams for the next season. Many of those A.D.s have now begun recruiting high school athletes and, in some cases, have gone into junior high and grade schools in an attempt to find talent. According to one AD from a major conference, "It's become increasingly important for us to recruit student-athletes as early as we can. We have not ruled out pre-school." Sales of Fisher-Price's "Grow to Pro" Basketball goals soared at the news. The NBA has been relatively silent on the issue, but one spokesman who did not want to be named said, "What's good for the NBA is good for the country." When asked what country to which he was referring, he declined to answer. Of course, not all those athletes will make the NBA and when asked where those athletes might should they not get drafted he responded. "Back to school." Of course, that conundrum caused NCAA officials to scamper to their rules books to see if that sort of thing were even possible. One NCAA official, who too did not want to be identified, said the NCAA would have to "Revisit just what constitutes being a student-athlete." Barring preschoolers, one intrepid reporter suggested that perhaps the NCAA should drop the "student" part of the moniker and add "entrepreneur" since it was all about the money anyway. The official declined to comment on the suggestion and the reporter was escorted out of the press conference.

Reaction from the fans at the collegiate level have been mixed running the gamut from wishing the athletes well who are leaving college to join the NBA to "Kill the NBA bastards for destroying college basketball!" There was some talk among certain NBA officials that because of the overwhelming number of athletes coming out of college new franchises would have to be sold in order to accommodate the sheer numbers. Just how that might affect the quality of the play was never addressed. Just where those franchises might be located was not clarified though NBA team nicknames were bandied about such as: The Greed, The Gluttons as well as one of the more popular monikers, The Gimmies. However, of those cities that have shown an interest in possible franchises, including, but not limited to, Pittsburgh, Providence, St. Louis, Toronto, Ft. Wayne, Rochester, Tri-City, Syracuse and Cincinnati, none have been enamored of the NBA nicknames; however, an NBA insider said that regardless of who owns the franchise, those monikers could very well be employed as a stipulation for owning such a franchise.

According to Forbes, "The average NBA team is worth $509 million, a 30 percent increase over last year. The increase is due to higher revenue from television, new and renovated arenas, and the NBA's new collective-bargaining agreement, which reduced player costs from 57 percent of revenues to roughly 50 percent. The labor deal also increased the amount of money high-revenue teams provide low-revenue teams." The addition of scores of new franchises to accommodate the plethora of athletes entering the draft will certainly push the average NBA team's worth by another 30 percent or more eclipsing the $960 million average cost for an NFL team and put the NBA in a league by itself. To that end, the NBA couldn't be happier. When one newly hired NBA official was asked what he thought John Wooden would say about students not remaining for four years in college since that's why they were there in the first place, the official replied, "Who's John Wooden."