10 Pressing Questions from the Golden Globes

I just finished watching the Golden Globes, and they left me with ten pressing questions. Let me know if you've got answers...

(1) Did Drew Barrymore ride over with the top down? What else could explain this hair?

Possible answer: She has thrown herself so completely into her role as "Little Edie" in the upcoming HBO movie based on Grey Gardens that she's decided she needs to look frenzied at all times.

(2) How is it possible that aside from a SAG Award and a BAFTA for Sense and Sensibility (in 1996!!), Kate Winslet has never won a major acting award until tonight?

Possible answer: Like Julianne Moore, Winslet has always been in the "she'll get one eventually" category, allowing folks like Hilary Swank, Jennifer Connelly, and Mira Sorvino to ride whatever freak wind was blowing that year.

But you know what? This year, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association clearly realized that my girl Kate has never given a bad performance. Ever. And that her stellar work in both Revolutionary Road and The Reader is all the more impressive because it maintains the ridiculous standard she has already created for herself.

And good for them. If somebody's gonna win two acting Globes in a single night, it damn well should be Kate Winslet. Sure, her speeches were crazily emotional---to the point where I was like, "I love you, girl, but can you act like Super Glue and get a grip?"---but if I'd lost all those previous awards, Lord knows I would freak out if I finally won.

(3) If the guy who was begging for change on the A train around 2:30 this afternoon can make ingratiating comments about the woman with the big hat, then why can't professional actors deliver even ten seconds of interesting banter before opening a damn envelope?

Possible answer: Honestly, I don't have one. When Jennifer Lopez came out to present the first award and was all, "Mama's talking!" to the chatty celebs, I had high hopes. But then came dead-eyed pauses, bad jokes, and mangled announcements from Martin Scorcese, Blake Lively and Rainn Wilson, and just about everyone else. It was so uncomfortable... like averting your eyes at Thanksgiving after your great uncle makes a casually racist remark.

Top prize goes to Sacha Baron Cohen, who managed to cynically plug his new movie, make the world's billionth joke about Charlie Sheen and hookers, and dis Madonna's failed marriage so cruelly that even the drunken Globers didn't laugh.

And by the way, being drunk is not an excuse for bad stage patter. If Sammy Davis, Jr. can hold his liquor, so can these people.

(4) If Tina Fey wins a Nobel Prize in Physics, will that make people start watching 30 Rock?

Possible answer: Maybe? It just won another armful of Golden Globes, after snagging 65 Emmys, a Tony, and two AVN Awards, but it's still not a hit. How many statues will it take for the best comedy on television to get better ratings than Dancing With the Stars 14: Jazzercise?

(5) During the Spielberg montage, what was that sound in midtown Manhattan?

Possible answer: Oh, that? That was my mind getting blown. Sorry about the carpet. It's just... see... I knew Steven Spielberg had made and/or produced a lot of iconic films and TV shows, but when I saw them all strung together like that, I reeled. Love 'em or hate 'em, his properties are pretty much the bedrock of filmed entertainment since 1975.

(6) Are the Jonas Brothers what's passing for cute these days?

Possible answer: Sadly, yes. Call me a snob, but Danny, Donnie, Jordan, Jon, and Joe were much more adorable.

(7) Is it strange how almost every winner in every acting category gave a performance that actually seemed worthy of an award?

Possible answer: Yes. Usually, you get some doozies, but this year's crop felt absolutely appropriate. Along with the double win for Kate WINS-let (and you'd better believe the entertainment press will wring the life out of that one), there were also delicious victories for Sally Hawkins, Laura Dern, Tom Wilkinson, Gabriel Byrne, and Mickey Rourke. How nice!

(8) Was Tracy Morgan's acceptance speech for 30 Rock funny or irritating?

Possible answer: Um... both? The "Obama won, so I get to speak" crack was funny, but then the "maybe I'm drunk" shenanigans were borderline nutjob. Thoughts?

(9) Why didn't Lost get any nominations?

Possible answer: Ask Amelie Gillette at The Onion. I'm stealing this question from her, but it's worth asking.

(10) Is Demi Moore the real-life version of Benjamin Button?

Possible answer: Looks that way. Because homegirl looked older in Striptease than she did tonight. Put her next to Robert Downey, Jr. and consider that they both were in the Brat Pack: He looks like he's aged past the clique, and she looks like she just joined up.

Comments

[SColbert]

30 rock better not be the next Arrested Development.

[leftai]

the reason 30rock isn't a hit is it just isn't that good a show. it's a show the critics love because it's all insider jokes. those of us that actually like things that are funny watch something else.
sorry, Ms. Fey, you're very gifted, but this show just doesn't do it for me.

[R3dhead]

I was sick in bed and watching GG with half as much enthusiasm as I thought I would have but I launched out of bed and went Yeehaaa when they announced my girl Kate as the winner for best actress. Long time coming, indeed, and I was also sentimentally glad that Leo was there for her.

[Genius]

I thought Demi Moore looked absolutely gorgeous! Very sophisticated and sure of her her self, which she richly deserves. She is a very talented woman that has endured a lot of criticism for marrying Ashton. I say, more power to her, and kudos to Ashton for being "Such a Man".
I think the criticism is unwarranted.
I am a 53 year old/young woman that got carded at the grocery store (for buying lighters) the week before I turned 51. I will grant you that I thought I looked like crap that day, but I think my attitude ruled that day. I looked at the clerk ,and then at the customers behind me and said "She's gotta be kidding, right?". So I can relate to the fact that she doesn't look her age, but the important thing is that she doesn't act her age.
You go girl!!!

[Bloodwart]

Love Kate Winslet and everything she's done. But someone please tell me what was "supporting" about her role in "The Reader"? There was no other prominent female role. If she wasn't the lead, who was? Lena Olin was on screen about five or six minutes. Just wondering.

[EngineerBill]

This post confirmed my judgement to watch Jack Bauer torture somebody rather than torture myself by watching another award show.

[Xenussister]

Sally Hawkins was so adorable. Her movie is too.

"...delicious victories for Sally Hawkins, Laura Dern, Tom Wilkinson, Gabriel Byrne, and Mickey Rourke. How nice"

Mustn't forget Colin Farrell. He was wonderful in the film "In Bruge," a sadly overlooked (by the general public) gem of a black comedy. That win was also 100% deserved, and I was so happy for him, and the film. It needs the attention.

In fact, when people snark that they don't see the point/value of awards shows, that's it right there. They bring attention to the smaller films that probably didn't play too many places outside of big cities, so that people will seek them out on DVD, or gives films incentive to expand, such as Slumdog Millionaire, which will now get shown in even more theaters in the lead up to the Oscars. Slumdog could have just been an "art" film seen by few, if the awards attention hadn't picked up.

[BlueZoo]

Tracy Morgan made me extremely ill at ease and wasn't funny. Mickey Rourke was the star of the night and what a comeback he's made! If we're the country of redemption, his story really does bear it out. I was thrilled for his wacky self and I was delighted to see he hasn't changed in that regard.

[NickJones]

Everyone talks as if "The Wrestler" were his comeback performance. I say it was his role as Marv in "Sin City".

[Bontempo]

Robert Downey Jr is still the best looking man in Hollywood, because he is the total package. Brains, angst, looks, talent and heart. I'd take him hands down over any of the other men nominated. Well, except maybe David Duchovny..­.........n­ot your typical heart throb, but after watching him on Californication, who could argue that he is not the sexiest man alive?

Can't argue that Demi still looks fabulous, but I'm sure it takes hard work.

30 Rock rocks. And Alec Baldwin isn't too shabby for a fifty-something man. Elegant, articulate, talented.

[Dukedraven]

Downey in the Brat Pack? Ouch! Funny, I was just commenting on how "mature" Demi was looking in the movie "Bobby." Look, I'm a middle-age guy and I think older women are sexy, but let's be honest, nature is running its course with Demi. I've always marveled at the Aston/Demi hook-up, and I hope it continues. If these celebrities are reading this comment, I'm very sorry.

[mytwosense]

Possble pressing question #11: If the Golden Globes promised us REAL Hollywood entertainment, why'd the award statues get a marble facelift.
Possible answer: That's showbiz.

[Skye1er]

Thought Drew Barrymore looked the greatest of anyone there. Loved the dress and hair style. I am not a big fan of Kate Winslet but she looked more attractive than usual especially her hair and makeup. Also, thought Demi Moore looked great but Rumer must do something about her hair. Stars do not use a tanning bed which is dangerous to your health. They use spray on tanner. What is going on with Angelina Jolie and these last two baggy dresses? Is she pregnant? Has she lost more weight? And what about this pale makeup? Is she playing a role of haggard, frumpy housewife? I liked her look at the 2007 Globes. Much more glamorous.

[FloridaSun]

#6 I agree! The three of them look to me like one huge unibrow.

[joanVA]

I started watching 30 Rock late last fall after seeing Fey's impersonations of Palin on the internet. At first, I was not sure what to think but kept watching. Now, I'm hooked and like all the characters. I think it's like Seinfeld--you have to watch a few before you get hooked. Those quirky people grow on you--even Alec Baldwin!

[DharmaDudette]

Love Alec Baldwin. The show never would have become such a hit without him.

[llisa]

#8 Can't stand Tracy Morgan which is why # 4 I don't watch 30 Rock.