It's that time again. Summer is upon us and with it comes reruns of your favorite television shows and crappy summer series that will be canceled mid-way into June. Networks scramble to find programming that will keep people inside and in front of their televisions instead of outside getting (God forbid) some much needed exercise. Here are eight fool-proof reality television show concepts that are sure to save your summer-TV blues:
Battle of the Network Stars: First Lady Edition
Hosted by Michelle Obama, this competition series focuses on former First Ladies (as well as second lady's) battling it out in the White House. The prize: a room in the most famous house in the United States named after the winner. Tempers flare when Tipper Gore and Kitty Dukakis (I know she was never technically a First Lady, but let's face it, she's ratings gold) are forced to team up against Laura and Barbara Bush in a competition to see who can decorate a guest room with the most floral patterns. Hide the cough syrup ladies! Other competitions include an all night hula-hooping contest and competition to see who can decorate the tallest floral arrangement without having it fall over. Projected winner: Hillary Clinton.
Bethenny... Getting Divorced?
She made us watch her get married and she made us watch her have a baby. The least she can do is let us watch her get divorced.
The Biggest Loser: Pregnancy Edition
This popular brand could use a facelift and adding celebrities such as Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson into the mix could do just that. Gaining weight when you are pregnant looks like a ton of fun -- just look at Kim Kardashian, she's eating every thing in sight and having the time of her life -- but what happens when the baby comes and it's time to shed those excess pounds? And you're a celebrity? And musical guest Wilson Phillips pops in occasionally? Brilliance -- that's what.
The Real Housewives of Baltimore
Don't think anything fun goes on in Charm City? Well, think again. Because this emotionally charged reality show spun off from the popular Housewives franchise on Bravo features five women from Baltimore who enjoy the finer things in life such as, crabs, walks along the Chesapeake Bay and whatever the hell else people in Baltimore do. The Real Housewives of Baltimore will prove so popular and exciting that people will finally stop calling the city: "the syphilis capital of the United States."
If there was one thing that Bravo taught us this past spring it was that servers and bartenders lives are so interesting and exciting that they deserve their own television show. Thanks for Vanderpump Rules, by the way -- epic television (*crickets*). Surely that formula would translate well to Jill Zarin's fabric company. Interesting things must go on behind the scenes there and let's face it, The Real Housewives of New York hasn't been the same since La Zarin got the axe.
Not to be confused with The Hills, this new reality TV show focuses on interns on DC's Capitol Hill. Much like The Hills, however, it is a behind-the-scenes look at a bunch of people who think they're important, but who no one really cares about at all.
What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
Oh...wait...someone made that bad idea a reality already.
This fledgling franchise could use a facelift. I propose following a group of homeless people around the island, forcing them to compete in competitions (they could eat rats, just like on Survivor), vote each other out and have homeless people romances that all lead up to an epic two-hour finale hosted by none other than Jeff Probst. Lord knows it would certainly be more entertaining than his ill-fated talk show.
There you have it, eight fool-proof reality television shows that are sure to keep audiences glued to their televisions.
Follow Mark Brennan Rosenberg on Twitter: www.twitter.com/markbrosenberg