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Mark C. Miller
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Mark Miller is a comedy writer who has written on staff for TV sitcoms, as well as having created original comedy material for Roseanne Barr, Rodney Dangerfield, Joan Rivers, Jimmie Walker, Gallagher, Jay Leno, Garry Shandling, Jim Carrey, and Dana Carvey. He has appeared on several TV talk shows as a stand-up comedian and been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate. But he says he'd trade all his success away in a minute for immortality and limitless wealth. Mark sincerely hopes both for world peace and for Scarlett Johansson to respect his restraining order. Follow and contact him on his website: http://www.markmillerhumorist.com/

Blog Entries by Mark C. Miller

Want to Hear a Good Story?

(1) Comments | Posted May 2, 2013 | 5:53 PM

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Lauri Fraser, creator and co-host of I Love a Good Story
Photo: Lauri Fraser
Courtesy of: Lauri Fraser

Surrender, Los Angeles! The storytelling/spoken word movement has invaded and taken over the city, much as stand-up comedy clubs proliferated during the...

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A Sexy New Novel About a Woman of a Certain Age

(1) Comments | Posted April 8, 2013 | 5:42 PM

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Photo: ©Arlene Schindler


A notorious study conducted in the mid 1980s determined that a woman over the age of 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married. Though that study was later found to be...

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An Open Letter to Art Garfunkel From His Ex-Girlfriend, Cecilia

(4) Comments | Posted February 11, 2013 | 6:31 PM

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Did Simon turn Garfunkel against Cecilia?
Photo: Getty Images/Frazer Harrison
Courtesy of: Frazer Harrison

Note: My friend Cecilia asked me to post this on her behalf.

Dear Arthur,

I always called you Arthur. Remember? We dated for 11 wonderful months (at least I thought...

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I've Had 750 Coffee Dates -- Kill Me Now

(44) Comments | Posted February 1, 2013 | 10:30 AM

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Smiling on the outside; hoping for a quick death on the inside.
Photo: Getty Images/Cultura/Frank and Helena
Courtesy of: Cultura/Frank and Helena


Dear readers, I come to you with a confession and a request. My confession: I have experienced approximately 750...

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A Letter to My Future Soul Mate

(4) Comments | Posted January 15, 2013 | 5:24 PM

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Photo: Getty Images/Phil Ashley
Courtesy of: Phil Ashley

Dear Future Soul Mate,

Forgive me for not using your actual name. You see, we haven't met yet. Tell you what -- how 'bout I just refer to you as Julie? I've always liked that...

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Being Denied Sex Until We've Established That 'Foundation of Friendship'

(9) Comments | Posted November 21, 2012 | 3:01 PM

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"Not 'til we've established a foundation of friendship!"
Photo: Getty Images/David Ryle
Courtesy of: David Ryle


It would not be much fun for God to watch American Idol or The Voice every week. What with Him being all-knowing, the surprise factor would...

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Exposed: Concert Audience Abuse!

(2) Comments | Posted November 6, 2012 | 5:27 PM

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Pretending to enjoy forced crowd participation.
Photo: Getty Images/Daly and Newton
Courtesy of: Daly and Newton

War, hunger, and disease are all terrible, tragic occurrences that should rightfully get us upset and motivate all caring people to do what they can to bring...

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'Ripe' -- A Juicy One Woman Show by Wendy Hammers

(4) Comments | Posted October 24, 2012 | 10:20 AM

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The life-affirming, "juicy," Wendy Hammers
Photo: Wendy Hammers' website/Wendy Hammers
Courtesy of: Wendy Hammers

Wendy Hammers dances throughout her impressive, brave, honest, touching, funny, intimately revealing one-woman show about the most recent 10 years of her life, from age 40-50. In fact,...

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Need a Philosophy of Life? This Could Be Your Lucky Day

(0) Comments | Posted September 24, 2012 | 5:43 PM

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Thinking about a philosophy of life -- or Scarlett Johansson's panties
Photo: Getty Images/Harald Sund
Courtesy of: Harald Sund

The other day, someone asked me if I had a philosophy of life. I pondered this very seriously for several moments before answering,...

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Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Religion

(1) Comments | Posted September 6, 2012 | 12:03 PM

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Photo: Getty Images/ Dimitri Vervitsiotis
Courtesy of: Dimitri Vervitsiotis

What is it that distinguishes man from all other creatures on earth? Okay, yes, he is the only being who markets both chia pets and the Hooked On Phonics program. He is the...

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Top 5 Secrets U.S. Government Doesn't Want You to Know

(4) Comments | Posted August 22, 2012 | 3:06 PM

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Future U.S. President being created.
Photo: Getty Images/Colin Anderson
Courtesy of: Colin Anderson


Washington, D.C. -- Courtesy of a highly classified internal document provided by a White House insider who understandably prefers to remain anonymous -- here are the top five secrets...

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Discussing Funny: The Book: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Comedy

(3) Comments | Posted August 3, 2012 | 7:13 PM

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Photo: Book's website/David Misch
Courtesy of: David Misch


Imagine a world in which you could pick up a 174-page paperback book that would contain everything you always wanted to know about comedy, written by an Emmy Award nominee who'd been a stand-up...

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Expert Recommends: If At First You Don't Succeed -- Quit!

(0) Comments | Posted July 25, 2012 | 2:40 PM

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Photo: Getty Images/Seth Joel
Courtesy of: Seth Joel


HINDMAN, Ky. -- Growing up, Victor Breitling would sometimes fail at things and his mother would tell him, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." And he would make every effort to...

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Possessed Pepper Shaker Terrorizes Family

(0) Comments | Posted July 17, 2012 | 4:17 PM

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Even the salt shaker bows down before it.
Photo: Getty Images/John Foxx
Courtesy of: John Foxx

FLATWOODS, W. Va. -- It has long been known that people with high blood pressure should avoid salt. But one family that does not have those...

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Lawyer Offers World's First Divorce Gift Certificates

(1) Comments | Posted July 12, 2012 | 2:37 PM

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Photo: Getty Images/Jeffrey Hamilton
Courtesy of: Jeffrey Hamilton


SNELLVILLE, Ga. -- Lonnie Dorfus has always enjoyed giving presents. "I'll never forget the look of joy on my mother's face when I gave her that lopsided clay mug I made for her birthday...

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Bizarre Physical Oddity: Man's Eyes Are Larger Than His Stomach

(0) Comments | Posted July 3, 2012 | 6:12 PM

FAYETTEVILLE, W. Va. -- Dennis Rowan prides himself on working for one of the few remaining candy companies in the country where every piece of candy is hand-made. "Sure they cost a little more," admitted Rowan, "but they look better, taste better, and they're made with love." Rowan is Sweet...

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Vatican Asking Cardinals To Reach Out To Hip-Hoppers

(0) Comments | Posted June 11, 2012 | 4:24 PM

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The Vatican's new target demographic
Photo: Getty Images/ PhotoStock-Israel
Courtesy of: PhotoStock-Israel

Vatican City -- In a continuation of the work begun by the late Pope John Paul II, the Vatican, representing the wishes of Pope Benedict XVI, is asking Cardinals throughout...

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Baker Makes Fortune Recreating Recipe for Manna from Heaven

(0) Comments | Posted June 4, 2012 | 11:09 AM

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The Gathering of the Manna
Painting: Getty Images/The Bridgeman Art Library
Courtesy of: The Bridgeman Art Library

PONAGANSET, R.I. -- Manna is the name of the sweet, bread-like substance which miraculously fell from the sky and became the main article of diet for...

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How You Pick Your Nose Determines Your Personality

(0) Comments | Posted May 29, 2012 | 5:37 PM

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Photo: Getty Images/Andrew Rich
Courtesy of: Andrew Rich
The latest determinant of personality.

New research has determined that the universally practiced custom of picking one's nose holds the key to determining one's personality.

Writing in the Journal of Psychiatric Development, Dr. Victor...

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Jesus' Will Found

(2) Comments | Posted May 7, 2012 | 11:17 AM

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"Take my possessions -- please!"
Photo: Getty Images/David Freund
Courtesy of: David Freund

An archaeologist has scored the discovery of a lifetime, unearthing a tattered, faded parchment that experts have certified as the last will and testament of Jesus Christ.

"It's absolutely genuine,"...

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