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10 Best Topical Jokes of the Week

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A new poll has found that women in their 40s are more likely to have sex on their first date than women in their 20s. The poll was sponsored by Kathy Griffith.

A new study shows that listening to thrilling musical numbers can produce the same pleasure response in the brain as eating and sex does. That explains all the moaning in the audience last time I saw "West Side Story."

Owners of border collies in Washington state looking for ways to keep their dogs occupied can now rent flocks of sheep for their dogs to herd. Which answers the question, "How can you tell when your dog is high-maintenance?"

Andy Dick was removed from the Adult Video Awards ceremony in Las Vegas last weekend after he drunken harassed a porn star. What's this world coming to when you can't count on Andy Dick to behave at a porno award ceremony?

The biggest media sensation in Germany now is Heidi, a 2 and ½ year-old cross-eyed opossum. Wow, who would've expected that from the country that worships David Hasselhoff?

A new diet is being marketed called the "Paleo Diet," which encourages people eat like cavemen did, meaning no grains, no dairy and no sugar. It's primarily fresh fruits, vegetables, and Brontosaurus.

A new survey shows that one in five Americans have either had an experience with bedbugs or know someone who has. In a related survey, one in five bedbugs admitted having had an experience with Americans or know a bedbug who has.

According to a new study, people who take multiple short breaks from sitting during the day were about two pants sizes smaller than those who took the fewest breaks. And those who took dozens of breaks had no pants at all.

A woman in Minnesota gave birth to a baby girl at exactly 1:11AM on 1/11/11. Coincidentally, her hospital bill was one million one hundred thousand and eleven dollars and eleven cents.

A man in India, who was arrested for necrophilia, said that he had been seeing the woman for a few months and didn't realize she was dead until he noticed she wasn't breathing during sex. That and she wasn't doing as much vacuuming as usual.