BETHESDA, Maryland -- Women, often considered "the Mysterious Sex," will now be a bit less mysterious thanks to the recently leaked document, "5 Biggest Secrets About Women They Don't Want Men to Know!" They eye-opening document was leaked by an insider at the all-female National Women's Research Institute, in Bethesda, Maryland. "When we find out which of our employees leaked those survey results," states NWRI spokeswoman Melanie Aroyan, "she'll be fired -- and sued. And if it was up to me, she'd also be horse-whipped."
The document consists of the survey answers of over 10,000 women of all ages and ethnic groups to the question, "As a woman, what is it about you that you would never want men to know?" The survey results were never meant to be revealed to men, as they represent the deepest secrets women have about their gender.
Here, from the survey's summation page, are the 5 Biggest Secrets About Women They Don't Want Men to Know:
1. Women's Public Bathrooms Are Lush Havens Beyond Men's Wildest Dreams. If a man mistakenly enters a woman's public bathroom, he'll see what appears to be an ordinary restroom. Only women, however, know the location of the secret sliding panel in each women's restroom that opens to reveal the hidden, deluxe section. This section features wild, tropical plants; hunky, naked male models offering sensual massages; the live music of a classical quartet; a jacuzzi and sauna; luscious gourmet foods and wines; attendants offering manicures, pedicures, and bikini waxes; an upscale clothing boutique; and current movies on large-screen TVs.
2. Women Are Just Pretending to Have Periods. There's no such thing as menstrual cycles and periods. It's something women simply made up to give themselves a one-week reprieve from men's non-stop groping and pawing in bed. And, yes, the tampon companies are all run by women and are in on the scam. Women get a refund check from the tampon companies at the end of each year for a percentage of their tampon purchases.
3. Women Crave Sex Even More Than Men Do. If men knew that, though, it would throw off the whole balance of sexual power that is now clearly in women's favor. For this reason, women must maintain the illusion that what's between their legs is gold and to be rationed judiciously.
4. Every Woman is Bisexual. Women just pretend to be upset when a relationship with a man comes to an end. In reality, that's their perfect opportunity to immediately begin or resume a passionate relationship with one of their many hot female friends.
5. Women Will Take Over the Planet in the Year 2025. Since it has already been proven that women are smarter, more resourceful, emotionally stronger, more attractive, and live longer than men -- it only makes sense that they, and not men, should run the world. They have been planning to take over the planet for the past 150 years. They hope to do so in a non-violent fashion, but are nonetheless prepared to do so by any means necessary.
Follow Mark C. Miller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarkMiller123
Please go without make up unless you really are good at painting a mask.
I know it is Halloween but that is just one night and at night stop scaring people in the day light.
Nothing says empowerment like GOP elected officials trying to take over your uterus.
Nothing says empowerment like going through a gauntlet or risking being the victim of a Planned Parenthood bombing.
Nothing says empowerment like having GOP senators argue in favor of contractors being able to compel arbitration as a condition of employment after being ganged raped and held prisoner in a shipping crate.
And those are just things that happen in America. Dobn't get me started on what women in other countries have to deal with.
I think you must be using some alternative definition of "taken over."
If a woman had known about what really happened to JFK, I am sure she would have told all to a major newspaper for a million bucks. Instead we had to have a woman spread all this gossip about women, and we all know its a lie. LOL