Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Mark C. Miller Headshot

Amazon Rain Forest Tribe Worships Jay Leno's Chin!

Posted: Updated:
Print Article

2010-03-03-caricaturejayleno.jpg

The world's largest remaining tropical rain forest, in South America, is host to the Yanomami tribe, whose people have one trait that makes them unique among all other tribes - they worship Jay Leno's chin!

2010-03-03-Amazon20Tribe.jpg

"'Yanomami' means "Big Chin," explains tribal leader Ninam Sanuma. "Our food staple is the plantain, which is shaped like a big chin...

2010-03-03-plantain.jpg

...we build chin-shaped thatched huts; form our food into chin-shaped patties; and our men who have the biggest chins become our leaders. When we first saw Jay Leno, with his massive chin, we knew we had at last found God."

2010-03-03-images.jpg

The tribe owns one large-screen TV set and one satellite dish, both donated by a visiting explorer whose son's life was saved by the Yanomami.

"So that's how we got to see the Lord, Jay Leno. We watch 'The Tonight Show' every night, though many of us are also partial to "The Simpsons" and "Two and a Half Men."

2010-03-03-the_simpsons_photo1.jpg

2010-03-03-two20screenshotthumb460x307.jpg

Every morning, the Yanomami men leave their village to hunt, fish, and trade stories about how Jay Leno's chin has changed their lives.

2010-03-03-cannibalism8.jpg

"I was depressed and going nowhere," confides tribesman Tagat Borupu. "My cousin Nubu invited me to worship with him at the new Holy Church of Jay Leno's Chin. It transformed me. Now I know that however bad things get, Jay Leno's chin will show me the light and lead me out of the darkness."

2010-03-03-jayleno460_1369494c.jpg

The women, meanwhile, stay home, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, and sharing their feelings about how Jay Leno's chin has made their lives special.

2010-03-03-43232273_NMountainTribeswomen83.jpg

"My husband barely spoke to me before," admits Fwani Kualel. "It was always 'I hunted all day and just want to be left alone.' Now, Reezal can't wait to come home and share with me the stories he's heard about Jay Leno's chin. Jay Leno's chin is Lord."

The Yanomami people's traditions are shaped by the belief that the natural and spiritual worlds are a unified force; nature creates everything, and is sacred. "We believe that nature created Jay Leno's chin, which is therefore sacred." At the Holy Church of Jay Leno's Chin, worshippers sit before a giant photo of Jay, featuring his mammoth chin. The church organist plays the theme from "The Tonight Show," and an episode of the show is presented, with the monologue being translated into Yanomami to huge laughs.

2010-03-03-tonight_show_jay_leno_hdtv5634.jpg

2010-03-03-1853860.jpg

Even the tribe's cats find the show amusing.

2010-03-03-LaughingKitten512X384127.jpg

After the show, the village priest delivers a sermon about how belief in Jay Leno's chin can transform one's life. Then, anyone who wishes to may get up and share their personal feelings and thoughts about Jay Leno's chin's effect on their life. There is much laughter and tears. Afterwards, there is socializing and refreshments - cookies in the shape of Jay Leno's chin, and punch served in clay mugs shaped like Jay Leno's chin.

The Yanomami vocabulary has also been effected by Jay Leno's chin. If a hunter has killed a huge animal, he describes it as "Leno chin-sized." If a tribeswoman is really hungry, she says, "I'm so hungry, I could eat something the size of Jay Leno's chin!" And if a young tribal female gets the sense that a young tribal male is excited by her presence, she'll typically say, "Is that Jay Leno's chin in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

2010-03-03-DSC_0507.jpg

FUN FACT: Another Indian Rainforest tribe, the Zaparo, worships Halle Berry's toes.