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France Makes Adultery Mandatory

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Paris, France -- The French will now be notorious for one more thing besides stinky cheese, not bathing, and idolizing Jerry Lewis - they've just made adultery mandatory! Both France's Senate and National Assembly passed the bill unanimously and it becomes effective immediately. Prime Minister Francois Fillon explains, "Ninety-three percent of all married French couples are already involved in adulterous relationships, so it was a simple matter of bringing the remaining seven percent up to speed."

The French see adultery as having many benefits, including: keeping the marriage fresh, keeping the couple as sexually active as possible, freedom to do what one wants and with whom, passing along one's genes to as many places as possible, more gifts for the kids around holiday time, lucrative for the hotel and restaurant industries, and always having a willing partner when one's husband or wife has a headache, is sick, is travelling, or is simply not in the mood.

According to the terms of the just-enacted National Adultery Act, any husband or wife found not engaged in adultery will be subject to a jail sentence of one to three years and a fine of up to seventy thousand euros. There is also a seven thousand euro reward for turning in any husband or wife not having sex outside their marriage.

Not every Frenchman, however, is overjoyed with this new law. Cabdriver Maurice Duvalier complains, "Putting the old 'Trouser Baguette' to my neighbor's wife was much more fun when I had to sneak around. Now it's just one more requirement of French citizenship!"

Photo by Christiane Michels