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Man Locates Right Tree to Bark Up

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PUTNEY, Vt. -- When Ben Meckler moved into his huge old house, he never gave a second thought to the big old tree in his backyard. "It just seemed like any old apple tree to me," recalled Meckler. That was before Meckler tried one of the apples. "It didn't taste like any apple I'd ever had. In fact, it didn't taste like any apple at all. This is going to sound crazy, but it tasted like a mixture of all the best foods I've ever eaten -- lobster with drawn butter, caviar, roast chicken, fudge. And that wasn't even the best part of it."

The best part of it, Meckler soon found out, came as a result of eating the fruit. "I discovered that the more I ate, the more my life changed for the better in almost every way. I got smarter, healthier, better-looking, more attractive to women, started earning more money, and felt a deeper sense of inner peace. I had no idea how the fruit was doing this, but who cares? It worked.

You've heard the expression 'barking up the wrong tree'? It means looking for something in the wrong place. Even though I hadn't been looking for anything, I sure found it. Apparently, I'd found the right tree!"

According to University of Vermont botanist Carl Michaels, "It's very nice that this man is finding his life improving in all these ways, but my feeling is that the improvements are simply happening as a result of his own efforts. There's just no way any tree could produce a fruit able to transform your life that way, much less taste like all your favorite foods. I would be very interested in running a series of laboratory tests on the fruit. In the meantime, however, I would strongly suggest that Mr. Meckler either stop using hallucinogens, check himself in someplace for psychiatric evaluation, and/or stop telling tall tales."

Meckler responded, "I'm not expecting anyone to take my word for it. So I would simply ask you to look at me now compared to these photos of me from years past. Compare the income on my tax forms to last year's. Compare my cholesterol levels now to those just last year. Meet my supermodel girlfriend. Then taste one of these fruits and you tell me whether or not I'm barking up the wrong tree!"

Photo Credit: Alexa Miller/Getty Images