Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Mark C. Miller Headshot

McDonald's to Introduce Sad Meals

Posted: Updated:

2010-04-06-7622.jpg

As an alternative to McDonald's popular Happy Meals for children, the fast-food giant is introducing a new line of Sad Meals, for adults whose lives are not quite working out to their satisfaction, who feel they are not worthy of the regular menu, or who simply wish for menu items that will not conflict with their depressed state.

2010-04-06-01.jpg
The perfect customer for one of McDonald's new Sad Meals

According to a McDonald's insider, sample Sad Meals menu items will include the following:

2010-04-06-roadkillcatwallart.jpg
Roadkill McBurger

2010-04-06-mcnuggets.jpg
Squirrel McNuggets

2010-04-06-McDonaldsMarlboroFrenchFries53959.jpg
Cancer Fries

2010-04-06-prozac10c.jpg
Chewable McSad Pills

2010-04-06-481489561_c3b7719d71.jpg
Hearty Bowl of McSnails

2010-04-06-horsepissbeer.jpg
A unique new beer

Each meal will include a complimentary credit report, cancer screening test, book of poems by poets who've committed suicide, and a box of Ronald McDonald Suppositories.

The Sad Meals are the first of many specialty menu items McDonald's plans on introducing in the near future. Others include:

2010-04-06-hellohappymeal.jpg
Gay and Lesbian Meals

2010-04-06-englisherhaystacksupper.jpg
Amish delicacies: "Wouldst thou care to try the Jebediah Salad Special?"

2010-04-07-matzo_ball_soup_side580.jpg
Jewish menu items: McMatzoh Ball Soup

2010-04-07-6a00d8341d1ea853ef01156fb0a728970c450wi.jpg
Redneck Meals

2010-04-07-mcdonalds_man_on_the_moon.jpg
Astronaut Meals

DISCLAIMER: "In case McDonald's takes offense at any of this and decides to sue," states humorist Mark C. Miller, "I'd just like to make it clear that this is strictly a comedy piece, fully protected under U.S. satire laws. Hey, come on, it appears in The Huffington Post's Comedy section; you can't take any of this seriously. Furthermore, none of this is true and I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for the McDonald's Corporation, despite the fact that I don't eat meat. But if you send me some coupons, I'll give them out to my carnivorous friends."