Learning From Loughner: How to Calm an Angry Person

As we discover more and more details about Jared Loughner's life, we try to piece together what may have pushed him to commit the shootings that killed six and wounded 13.

I remember Peter Finch's role in the movie Network, and how he screamed out at the world, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" In that movie, however, rather than being shunned and ostracized for his ranting, he was embraced and started a movement that the other characters in the movie and the audience embraced -- the latter so much that Finch posthumously won a Best Actor Oscar for his performance.

From what we are learning about Jared Loughner's life and his mind, it appears that he, too, was mad as hell and not going to take this anymore.

Understanding what he was "mad as hell" about may offer not only keys to figuring out Loughner and the actions he took on that fateful day, but also may present steps to intervening in the lives of the other Jared Loughners of the world who haven't yet reached the point of "not going to take this anymore."

In Loughner's case, it was possible that after experiencing so much rejection, he descended from "anybody" to "nobody" to "shunned (fueled more by fear he triggered in others) nobody." Over time, when you're a nobody and don't know how to make it back into the world (much less get ahead in it), you feel increasingly powerless. Eventually, you reach the point of feeling impotent.

It's a slippery slope from feelings of impotence to rageful actions, especially when a mental illness is present. At that point, taking any action is empowering. The possibility of terrifying people feels more empowering still.

Seven Steps to Defusing a Human Ticking Time Bomb:

Hearing the rant. Note when a person is verbally ranting or communicating by e-mail, on YouTube, on Facebook, etc.

Engaging the ranter. After you have heard or seen or read a rant, say or write to the ranter, "What you're saying is much too important for me to not understand exactly what you're trying to communicate, so could you please tell me what exactly happened to lead you to what you're saying right now?" Implying that something about this ranter is important often strikes at the core of the ranter's rage and immediately lessens it.

The ranter slows down and repeats what he or she is saying. Now that the ranter has your full, undivided and respectful attention, there is less reason to be so angry. The ranter is no longer as impotent as he or she had felt before. Granted, this is not so simple when a serious mental disorder is present. But even in those cases, calling what the ranter is saying important (versus getting into a debate then and there) can have a significant calming effect.

"Tell me more." When the ranter pauses after providing an explanation of his or her rage, the ranter is anticipating that you will either say that he or she is wrong, be dismissive, take issue with him or her, look at him or her like he or she is crazy or have some other negative response. The last thing the ranter expects and what the ranter needs most is for you to continue to be interested in what he or she is saying. Saying "Tell me more" communicates "I'm still listening," "I'm not offended," and "You're making sense." This further calms them down.

"Give me a specific example." After the ranter has finished what he or she has to say, asking them to give you a specific example will cause them to re-experience underlying feelings -- deep frustration, hurt and fear that, when left unabated, may have led to the rage at the surface.

"Do you feel frustrated, angry, at your wit's end or disgusted?" According to UCLA researcher Matthew Lieberman, when you offer a ranter "feeling words" and have them say the words themselves, you significantly lower amgydala activation. The amygdala is in our middle brain. When it becomes overly activated, it produces what is referred to as an "amygdala hijack". This pulls us away from engaging our prefrontal cortex and away from using or listening to reason.

"That is why we really need to either fix this. You can't take this much longer, can you?" At this stage, much of the agitation will have dissipated and the ranter may feel connected enough to you to engage in a collaborative conversation. The ranter may give you one outlandish solution after another, and you can say empathically, "You know, if I were you, I would feel exactly the same way, and maybe tempted to do exactly what you're saying. But honestly, I don't think it will have a good result. Let's keep thinking of other things we can try that might work better."

In essence, the seven steps transform the conversation from the ranter talking at or over you to talking to you and, finally, talking with you.

If the above speaks to you and you want to learn more, please check out my book "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone."

 

 

 

Follow Mark Goulston, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/markgoulston

Comments

[dkinton49]

09:24 PM on 01/27/2011

I think that the parents could have done something to prevent this as they were around him daily and were bound to notice changes in his behavior. I would have noticed had this been my child. Also, the community college should have made a bigger "to-do" about his shenanigans. I know the school reported it, perhaps the authorities dropped the ball. When they kicked him out of the CC, he should have gone on someone's list and assigned for follow-up. Maybe the sheriff was negligent since he was known to the department!

[Jan Shepherd]

05:39 PM on 01/27/2011

I think both comments missed the point of the Dr's article. I think he was talking about ways of defusing this type of a person way before he becomes this type of a person so that he doesn't become this type of a person. Jan Shepherd

[Mark Goulston, M.D.]

01:14 AM on 01/28/2011

Thank you Jan. That's exactly what I meant.

[bjwtaylor]

12:30 AM on 01/27/2011

Nice theory, doc, particularly if you are working with rational people of, at least originally, good will who have just gotten too mad to take it any more.

Not worth two cents for the mentally ill, even the functionally mentally ill walking among us in every work place and social, educational, religious, political, financial, and other type of institution in the country.

Not worth two cents for domineering people who enjoy center stage and upsetting people and refuse any introspection..

Not worth two cents for people who choose intimidation as a strategy.

Not worth two cents for people who lack empathy and are so full of prejudice, resentment, paranoia, and anger that they can't see straight.

Not worth two cents for an alienated, mentally ill gunman who has no qualms about murdering innocent men, women, and children and who has come to carry out a long-planned assassination and mass executions. I don't have to be a doctor to know that if Rep Giffords' staff had told Laughner they would listen and that his point was important, the response would have been the same bullet to the head, chest, or back the others got.

Obviously, you didn't mean that Laughner could be calmed at the scene, but the Tucson shootings page is not the place for this article. It's a completely different thing, and placing it here, rather than in Health or even Business (there's a lot of rage loose in corporations) seems to trivialize what happened.

[Bluelynx]

11:58 AM on 01/26/2011

Nothing Loughner has said thus far makes a dime's worth of sense. Besides if someone is coming at you with a Glock, he might not want to reason with you.