Why Britney, Not Bush?

03/22/2007 08:47 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

If only it had been George Bush rather than Britney Spears to enter rehab and go running down the halls screaming "I'm the Antichrist!" and "I'm a fake!" Such long-awaited forthrightness would have been refreshing. Instead, the naive pop star was the one to crack, while the hardened politician continues to speak confidently into the cameras.

In 2003, a gum-smacking Britney was asked by CNN, "Do you trust this president?" She answered, "Yes, I do." When asked about Iraq, she answered, "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens."

It is hard to grow up and realize that the men you've trusted have turned out to be liars and cheats. Not just the man you married, but the president who seemed so solid in those "Mission Accomplished" days.

Bush should have cracked, tormented by a guilty conscience for causing so much suffering. But sociopaths hold up under stress better than superstars because they are strangely unable to feel remorse for harming others. Instead they look forward to still greater mayhem, such as sodomizing their enemies.

When Ariel Sharon asked George W. Bush what he would do if he caught Osama bin Laden, the president replied, "Screw him in the ass." The anecdote is included in the recently published biography Ariel Sharon: An Intimate Portrait by Uri Dan. But I digress.

Bush, unlike our warm-blooded pop diva, can maintain his cool because he possesses the moral sensibility of a frozen side of beef. I hope, however, he's brought to justice, and will eventually appear in prison stripes, sporting a shaved head.