Top 10 Status Updates on the New Social Networking Site for Former Bush Staffers

09/10/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Tony Fratto, a former deputy press secretary under Bush, is spearheading an effort to create an online social network for former Bush administration staffers. - Politico

  • Karl Rove Deep fried bacon butter salami cubes like mom used to make num num num. Shunned by all female humans again whatever bitches two words: book dealz! And Fox Newz! Dana P you're forever my girl. Weird rash is subsiding, promise. Quit hanging up it's me, Turd Blossom!

  • Dick Cheney is loaded shotgun, vat of Hendricks's gin, Lockheed portfolio, stepping on flowers with boot heel. Damn kids still scream as I walk by. Punk weasel ninny twits. Ticker still ticking like a bomb, sorry Rahm. Life good, except hateful. Lesbians!

  • Dana Perino is all like, who's got the Xanax and a vibrator and a bottle of cold sav blanc, am I right, Michele Bachman? Sick of lonely nights alone and lonely but hopeful. Whoze up 4 hot tub and Us Weekly gigglefest latr? Call me k? Mwah!

  • Donald Rumsfeld U R all dead to me. Reject my friend requests, oh yeah? I'll kill you all in your sleep. Kidding. OK, so not kidding

  • John Ashcroft is soaring with eagles in the fine Jesus tradition. Oily feet and singsong daybreak and secret memoirs written in squiggly boundless tears of hope and apocalypse. Borders $1.99 bargain bin, Johnny's comin! Hallelujah

  • Condi Rice Oh right like HRC makes it look so goddamn easy. Good luck in Pakistan, you dithering wannabe. I think I might hate you forever. GW are you finally ready? Tell LB to move over; I'm coming home

  • Alberto Gonzales Even coffee shop girl looks at me like I just swallowed her Chihuahua. Wait, did I? So difficult to remember. Haunted haunted haunted haunted haunted. Anyone there? Hello? Buy my book!

  • Anita McBride Another day, another nasty rejection letter from Good Housekeeping. Must they use such language? Off to pitch book idea "I Am Not Furniture: Laura Bush's Guide to Being Stiff & Sexless in the Age of Yucky Things." HarperCollins?

  • Ari Fleischer Fucking neighbors keep pounding on wall at 3 am asking me to keep it down. But I'm sobbing myself to sleep as quietly as I can. TMI?

  • Colin Powell Whoever keeps tagging me in those grainy Iraq invasion meeting pix with the tequila shots and the riding crop at Crawford ranch, please knock it the hell off. Who the eff brought a spy camera anyway? Rummy!

    Mark Morford's website and Facebook page await your kind attention. Or...