THE BLOG

Why Our Need for Closure Makes Us Selfish

07/09/2014 04:26 pm 16:26:08 | Updated Sep 08, 2014
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How many times has something ended and you felt as if something was left unfinished because you did not get the closure you wanted?

If you are like me, you have experienced this on a few different occasions and it never gets easier to cope with. How do we begin to move on without closure and why should we move on even if we never get closure?

The answer is simple yet difficult to practice: you have to move on because lingering in the past will prevent you from living in the now and embracing the future prospects for love. You must begin to understand that closure is a selfish desire and not something you actually need in order to begin your healing process. We must remember to separate our needs from our wants; we can live without our wants but our life requires that are most basic needs are met at all times.

Three Reasons Your Need for Closure Is Selfish

1. You are the one who wants closure and it does nothing for the other person.Most likely they have already moved on. Especially if they were the one to decide that things needed to end between the two of you. Although they knew things needed to end, your "need" for a proper ending is preventing them from making a clean break.

2. You demand that someone does something they don't want to do.
The other person is not obligated to give you closure. The closure is for you, you must take the first step in moving on, and closure will surely follow.

3. You are trying to reclaim power you never lost.
Every time you fiercely hold onto your want for closure for the sake of regaining the power you feel you loss, remember that you never lost your power. You gave someone else power over you and in that process you stopped using your own power. There's no need to reclaim your power, you just need to tap into it again. You can reconnect with your power by letting go of the fantasy of the closure you imagined and accept the reality of the situation: the relationship is over.

The ending of any kind of relationship can be difficult but I am a firm believer that every season ends so that something more beautiful can bloom. View every ending as an opportunity to start over, renewed, with a clean slate.

The next time you let your want for closure prevent you from doing what's best for you, remember that you are the only one left to suffer. Continue to be vulnerable. Move on and if the other person decides to give you closure, please know that the other person is being selfless -- but you should never expect that everyone would be as selfless as them.