In her first year, my friend's dog, Sadie, has eaten four feather pillows, two rugs, one couch cushion, two remote controls, a pair of yoga pants, various pieces of mail, a few dozen magazines, and, as my friend describes it, "had an unfortunate run-in with a fishing lure that ended with her at the vet emergency room to remove it from her lip and tongue." Ouch.
I mention all that so you can understand why my friend occasionally makes one of those 'dog shaming' videos. You know, you see the dog, in this case, Sadie, a golden-haired, medium-sized mutt, sitting in the very corner of the couch, while you hear my friend asking her about the shredded mail the video shows all over the living room floor.
"Did you do this, Sadie??," my friend asks.
Pan back to Sadie, eyes squeezing shut and, amazingly, tail wagging away - or at least the little bit of tail you can see under her butt.
Sure signs of guilt. Even Sadie knows she's busted.
I want to point one of those cameras at House Speaker John Boehner, Governor Sarah Palin and President Obama.
Boehner says he's going to sue the President.
Palin wants to impeach the President.
And the President seems so busy poking a stick in their cages, you almost can't blame them. Almost.
Watching the three of them is like watching a pack of puppies destroy the couch. You come home, find the cushion filling everywhere, the couch cover shredded, and the puppies looking up at you incredulously. "What, you're mad? We were just having some fun. Doing what puppies do."
I understand that Republicans and Democrats disagree. Loudly. Ferociously. Sometimes unreasonably and even irresponsibly. I've been in the middle of a few big political pillow fights over the years.
This is America. You're entitled to your opinion. It's why I don't just make chocolate cake, I make coconut cake, and spice cake, and lemon cake and carrot cake, and more. Though I truly can't understand why anyone would want anything other than chocolate, I believe people should have a choice.
You want to disagree with the President. Disagree. You want to fight over legislation? Principle? Priorities? Go at it. Now maybe it's because I'm from New York, but I'm just about always ready for an argument. But sue the President? Impeach the President?
I know I'm not the only one disappointed in President Obama - I'm not even the only democrat. But I really don't think we ought to sue him, impeach him, or waste time talking about it. Or gin up angry crowds with cheap taunts about it.
Which brings me to President Obama. In Austin, Texas last week, after nearly 30 minutes of chest-thumping about what he's trying to do to get the economy going, he was ginning up his own partisans over the Speaker's lawsuit.
"Really? You're going to sue me for doing my job while you don't do your job?" the President asked the Republicans, via his rowdy Texas crowd.
No surprise that about the same time, Boehner was hollering, "When is he going to take responsibility for something?"
Meanwhile, not much was getting done, while thousands of children were crossing the border illegally, the Middle East was erupting, and deadly summer storms were taking lives and homes, echoing back that something's not right with the world.
So that's why I want the camera. Maybe if these guys see the video they'll stop all this ridiculous stuff and get to work together on what really matters. Maybe if they see themselves chewing up the couch and all the wasted time, energy, motion, and damage, they'll stop.
Sadie, after all, is still snacking on the corners of every wooden piece of furniture in my friend's house. Sadie, this recipe for Peanut Butter cookies is for you - because I haven't met a dog yet who doesn't like couch pillows or Peanut Butter. Enjoy the recipe.
Old Fashioned Peanut Butter Cookies
8 oz Peanut Butter (Smooth)
8 oz Unsalted Butter
8 oz Dark Brown Sugar
2 Large Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla
10 oz AP Flour
1 ½ tsp Baking Soda
½ tsp Salt
In bowl of electric mixer, cream peanut butter, butter, and both sugars.
Add eggs and vanilla to butter mixture, mix well.
Add dry ingredients, mix until blended.
(Could chill first before baking)
Scoop dough using teaspoon; roll into ball
Flatten each ball with fork dipped in granulated sugar.
Bake 375 degrees about eight minutes, turn half way.
Cookies will puff then flatten.
Cool on rack