Could there be simple answers to a very complicated question? There is one. Will people listen...that's up to you.
Bullying...why are we so shocked that kids are doing this today, isn't it really an emotional problem of the child being bullied? The principal of one of the schools where a young person recently committed suicide would like you to think so.
Anderson Cooper is doing special reports, Oprah spent days specifically looking into this issue, Good Morning America and many of the talk shows are drilling into the why's and the how's of can it be stopped.
Let's start with the first question -- why? One answer could be -- remember what we've all been taught -- that your children do what you DO, not what you tell them. They do what they See.
Turn on the news and the radio, what do you see and hear? It's not only the cable stations, even in our hallowed halls of Congress -- there is name-calling and people who don't treat each other with respect. Daily barrages of insults have now become common fare.
This bullying is so widespread we don't know how to take issue with it -- and it's on TV for the world... and our kids to see.
Let's take it up a notch and turn on the television shows or listen to the radio programs where they are now "reporting" every move a celebrity or a momentarily recognized individual makes - by mocking them.
Bullying has been around forever but is it growing? Are these the consequences of a behavior that is so prevalent as to be thought acceptable, being shown to us with the most disastrous results? And we wonder why it's happening???
A young girl was brought to me a year ago whose mother was concerned with her behavior in school. Katie was very angry, and it was showing up in her grades, in her reticence to befriend others and in her sullen attitude that was affecting everything in her life. Katie had good reason to be mad, her Dad had recently died from cancer, leaving her without her best friend and she didn't feel the world had given her a fair shake.
I taught her a method of connecting to the source of her power, where she could access better answers, Stillness. When she opened her eyes after the brief session, the first thing she said, was, "Oh... I know how I can use this."
Katie told me that often kids laughed at things that weren't nice, and she didn't want to join them, but it was hard. She said that she knew now, that she could begin to breathe into the Stillness and it would help her not to join in the laughter.
I didn't realize at the time that she was speaking about the bullying that was happening at her school. I gave her a Stillness Session™ CD so she could continue to practice reaching that core of strength and love that exists at her core and wished her well.
Six months later I got a call from her mom, there had been an incident at Katie's school of bullying and Katie had not only befriended the student being bullied, she also stood by her side, declaring it had to stop. SEE VIDEO to hear what happened in Katie's own words
This time, everyone listened. The boy was suspended and the school called a special meeting with all the parents to discuss this issue. Katie's mom told me that the parents of the bully were also shocked. They were not at all aware that their son could or would perpetrate such an atrocity. There were as concerned as all the other parents.
What does this tell us? Maybe it's not the fault of the parent who isn't raising their child with the best values... Maybe the blame lies more in a society that accepts behavior which such a pronounced lack of integrity -- which is so prevalent on our television screens and airwaves.
Someone is watching those programs that defile another human beings behavior or the ratings would plummet and they would go off the air. Someone is voting for the people who mock their peers in Congress, or they wouldn't represent your state. We need to take responsibility for what we see, and let them know it's not OK, we don't' want our kids to model this kind of behavior. If we wouldn't allow it at home, why do we support it elsewhere?
When we connect to the core essence of our true nature, we find it impossible to defame another; we discover greater compassion and a silent strength that we have to stand up for those who haven't learned to do it for themselves.
Katie tells me that she searches out the kids who are being bullied or are quietly hiding their pain of not fitting in now, and she tries to help them discover their own strengths and value. She does the practice of Stillness, and going within, several times a week, even at school just though breathing through the tough situations until she feels reconnected to her own guidance and knowing.
Yes, it's simple and yes it worked for one person who then made a big difference in the lives of many. Can it work for others? Why don't we let the kids tell us, teach them this simple method, and let them teach us how truly simple it is -- to value and respect each other.
Follow Marlise Karlin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/marlisekarlin
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Bullying - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It's My Life . Friends . Bullies | PBS Kids GO!
Stop Bullying Now! » Home Page
Empathy is now dead.
Society has entered its final stage of cultural degradation.
Welcome to the fall of Rome.
You are absolutely right, we collectively accept behavior that lacks integrity and we need to take responsibility and begin to self govern our own social networks, regardless of whether we have children or not.
Thanks for a great article.
Peace and much love
Lara Jane
Founder of the Ultimate Lifestyle Project
http://ultimatelifestyleproject.com/spiritual-quotient
This is one area of life where I feel we do our children a terrible disservice when we say things "dont worry about what people say" and "let it go". This kind of response causes additional problems and resolves nothing. Address the problem with solid action and you'll increase the kids confidence in the long term.”
This is where i found what Stillness offered Katie to be life-altering. It gave her strength she didn't have before. And what is so beautiful, it is so simple a child can benefit in ways that shifts the trajectory of their entire lives... to where they become a catalyst for transforming others lives through their actions.
You might enjoy listening to the Stillness Session CD that Katie & her mom do as a weekly practice: http://www.marlisekarlin.com/index.php/imagine Sending you blessings, m
I also agree that we adults have to take action to stop the mockery in the public discourse. (You might want to read my column, posted during the presidential campaign, entitled Mockery in the Public Discourse at www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-gerloff/mockery-in-the-public-dis_b_125363.html).
There are some schools that have reduced bullying by creating climates of care, respect, and empathy. PassageWorks Institute offers some really wonderful programs that end up having this effect. (See www.passageworks.org.)
I'm starting to develop another theory as well, though, about why there is sooooo much bullying and cruelty among children now. It's not just TV and the larger culture. It has to do with all this early pre-school... I may write about that soon.
Pamela Gerloff is co-author, with Robert W. Fuller, of Dignity for All: How to Create a World without Rankism, and co-author, with Susan Magestro, of Empowering the Victim: A New Approach to Stopping and Preventing Bullying.
And Passageworks seems to have created a wonderful way to open the door to greater understanding. I believe that adding the element of Stillness that is offered through The Simplicity of Stillness will accelerate students ability to evolve and appreciate others.
Once you tap into the core of this infinite knowing, it's literally impossible to be disrespectful to another... you can listen to Katie and other young people tell of their experience here - http://www.marlisekarlin.com/index.php/teens . So lovely to join hands with everyone in this important issue. xxx, m
I have begun the process of teaching my girls that after a few converstaions, writing a letter to the teacher to remind her of previous conversations regaring issues involving bullying is justified if such behavior is not ended. Teachers and administrators do not like to see second graders laying paper trails in a clean and clear format of -To:, From: Re Bullying-"on so and so date, I brought to your attention that so and so has continued to touch me, yell at me, harrass me, and so forth.
Teachers and Administrators need to be put on notice, do your jobs, remove bullies, protect my child, or will go after their jobs and positons. It is as simply as that.
I have scene on too many principal in my life behave in the untouchable, all mighty way while failing to understand that as a state employee they are subject to over sight and review by school boards and so forth. Petitions, letters, and so forth can be used to bring such a situation to an end and if that means the removal of a princiiple, teacher, or students, so it goes.
And as mentioned, parents and their pbehaviors come out through their children. I see it again and again. Bitchy, gossipy moms have bitchy gossipy kids.
I grew up in the military, attended 15 schools by my Jr. year of h.s. and dealt with it my entire life. Being a male and attending public school in the 70s and early 80s, on a certian level made it easier. After being beat unconcious in upstate NY in the early 70s, I was given license by my father to go on the offensive and did. With male bullies, it is much easier to deal with unless a male does not have the capacity to split a nose or crack a knee.
Teachers and admistratiors have not and do not do their jobs. More kids need to be removed from school, expelled, put the burden on their parents. I see it again and again esp. with younger teachers who do not have the spine to set kids straight, lay down the law, and remove kids from class. If they do not, they need to be removed from their postions as teachers and principals.
I believe that most bullies ... were bullied themselves... its that unconscious behavior that keeps being repeated. that's why the answers to shifting this can not be just about putting a few people in jail.. that won't solve the depth of the problem...
xxx,m
bullies are often defending or working on their social status and parents of bullies are often so relieved that their kid isn't getting picked on that they don't want to derail their "confidence" by calling them to account for their wrong actions.
we had a bullying issue in my daughter's 5th grade class early in the school year. after the kid took my kid's lunch i visited the principal and made it clear that i will never leave my kid will somewhere she doesn't feel safe for ten minutes and i'm not afraid to homeschool (k12.com has a great program) so if she wanted that butt in one of her classrooms she had better act immediately. she did, to my enormous gratitude and my daughter came to have one more friend out of it.
as parents, we have more influence on our kids' behavior than some would give us credit for. and it's our JOB to influence them to their best selves.
Forget that "principal" who wants to blame the victim. He's a principal without principles. I'm biting my tongue right now, big-time, over his sheer ignorance.
Most bullies are children of bullies.
And principals are scared of such parents and try to avoid confrontations. They'll do it by blaming the victim or even disciplining a teacher who tries to either help the victim or discipline the bully.
The rich bullies are the worst. Even if a principal suspends a rich bully, the bully's parents have their lawyer in the superintendent's office the next morning reversing the suspension and ordering the principal to readmit the bully to school.
When bullies suffer no negative consequences for their actions, they learn they can get away with it. Bullying escalates. And they often bully friends into joining them in their harassment thinking if they're part of a group, then the behavior is acceptable and they can also avoid punishment if caught.
You can't teach your children to ignore bullies, especially if they are the target of a bully. You can try contacting the other child's parents or the teacher or the principal or the superintendent or the school board. But know sometimes you just have to take control of the situation. Move your child to another school or even home school.
As a kid, my parents did originally say to ignore bullies. That didn't work, but when they suggested I practice martial arts, I declined at the time - the bullies would try to blame me as the instigator of anything despite their long history. So I lumped it and got on with "life" as best I could.
I wish my parents had honored my request to move to another school district (mid-80s). They said that the problems would just follow. Whether that was out of cynicism or other issues, I don't know.
Lastly, money shouldn't be an issue. Rich parents have no special rights. If their kid is a bully, they can send their kid to boot camp and pay for it. Though your assessment is spot-on, they will bend the system to their whims. Which is partly why our country is in such pathetic shape to begin with. The rich getting special treatment. (Ironic; many of the wealthy do look at everyone else and bleat how devolved it is. They don't realize their own contributions, which in some cases could be even more extensive than all the other factors combined.)
Sorry to insult animals, by the way. A number of them are more civilized. They're usually the cats and puppies that bullies drop-kick like footballs.
Enough is enough. Bullies have no right to do what they do. And it's high time they are put to justice and a civilized society be restored.
One only needs to visit a lawyer or enter a court of "law" to bear witness to the socially corrupting adversarially abusive nature of our legal system.
It is most clearly seen in the predjudiced degrading Family Law arena.
The harm these self-serving malicious lawyers and the judiciary do is criminal to the common good.....they arrogantly refuse to accept any degree of accountability as to their pernicious handiwork.
The Greatest Hazard to the American People is the Disfunctionally Corrupt US Legal System