I'm not a movie reviewer, but I strongly recommend that you take your child by the hand this weekend -- or several children -- to see the new documentary film, Bully. The only problem is, you might not be able to find the film at your neighborhood cineplex. That's because the Motion Picture Association of America has stamped the film "Unrated," after a long and noisy battle over its original R-rating. So now it is up to the individual theatre owners to decide whether or not they will exhibit Bully. I urge them to do so.
But make no mistake, even if you have to drive your kids across state lines to see the film, your kids need to be in the audience -- because, whether you know it or not, they may be among the 13 million American children affected by bullying every year. For them, this is more than just a movie. It is real life.
And in this real life, parents have been all but invisible -- invisible in the school cafeteria, invisible on the playground, invisible on the school bus and online -- unwittingly abandoning their children to face this torment alone. The film makes this painfully clear, whether it's the dad who confidently recites that timeworn rationalization about bullying -- "Kids will be kids" -- or the school administrator who blindly insists to a worried parent that her students are "good as gold on that school bus" -- intercut with a clip of a small boy being choked on that very bus. We come away from Bully feeling defeated and enraged.
Interestingly, the MPAA's controversial decision about the film's rating -- based on its use of profanity and other violent language -- could end up working in the children's favor. Research indicates that bullied kids are not comfortable revealing their dangerous predicaments to their parents. But now that the rating has forced kids to see the film with an adult, the movie can do the revealing for them. And children will at last feel their parents there, by their side, seeing and understanding what it's like to leave their house and wander unprotected into a scary world.
Adults may be horrified by what they see in Bully, but the kids know this world all too well. Directed by Lee Hirsch, the film captures the wrenching drama of schoolyard bullying -- the hitting and harassing, the tormenting and tears, the grave suffering -- in unflinching detail, as it zooms in on the daily battles waged by five bullied children, two of whom ultimately commit suicide. But sitting through the film will be worth every harrowing minute, especially to the children, whose only hope against this ever deepening crisis is the visible and vocal support of the adults in their lives.
The MPAA's decision has incited a storm of protest. When Bully was first given an R-rating, a 17-year-old Michigan high-schooler, Katy Butler -- who has been bullied herself -- posted a petition on Change.org, demanding that the MPAA change the rating. When such high-profile and conscientious activists as Meryl Streep and Johnny Depp joined in the protest, the MPAA was effectively arm-twisted into changing the movie's rating to a still restrictive "Unrated."
But while all of this debate continues, the sad fact is: children are still dying at the hands of bullying.
This is why I am urging all adults -- parents, guardians, caregivers -- to take your kids to see Bully this weekend. I also encourage educators and school administrators to arrange school-wide field trips. Because if there's one thing we've learned since launching our anti-bullying campaign last year -- with the Ad Council, the Department of Education and funders like AOL, Facebook, the Waitt Family Foundation and the Free To Be Foundation (who have been major funders of the Bully Project) -- it's that, if we are ever to eradicate this deadly, modern-day scourge, we need to face the problem head-on -- and together.
You can watch the trailer to Bully below, and see the movie at local theatres, starting this Friday.
Follow Marlo Thomas on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarloThomas
At hockey practice I saw this boys mother and approached her outside. She was defensive and said her son does has no patience with players not as good. I said "NO - YOUR SON IS A BULLY AND YOU NEED TO ADDRESS THIS AND STOP IT. She was caught off guard and said the father did not spend time with any of his children except to go to games.. I told her VERY FIRMLY that her sons behavior was completely inappropriate and abusive and against the law, and that it is the parents problem to fix before it escalated.
My sister in law thanked me when she got back from holidays - her and my brother were friends with these parents.
They took their son to counseling and became more involved. The son now works side by side with his father and will take over the company when his dad retires.
My nephew told me recently, this boy he is a different person and a really good guy.
Everyone needs to step up to the plate.
Occupy Madison Avenue is a MUCH better way to change America. It takes some major clout to start the trend. I'm only one little voice. Hey, Huffington ... do you have any clout? I bet Marlow could help -- she's a wonderful person and her soul shined through in "That Girl".
Just realize that your attitude may be the worst of all in contributing to this pervasive problem. Think it through - where do you think ALL evil originates? And does allowing it to thrive make you complicit?
I hope you never have a child who is viciously bullied. Some kids get beaten severely. Others have emotional scars they can't shake. Still others are affected since they drop out of school.
Don't be so dismissive of other people's problems. I'm sure that when you have an issue, you want others to support you.
And this kind of childish behavior is NOT best solved by government intervention.
I just read an opinion piece in the disgustingly Murdoch-controlled Wall Street Journal actually criticizing the attention brought to bullying. Only a right-wing ideology could possibly justify the torment that young children, and sometimes not-so-young adults, face every hour of every day in our country.
Conservatives ask why we think they are hard-hearted, cruel, and mean. Well, doing things like defending bullying in the WSJ has something to do with it. And, it's not because we just think they are; from the things they write to things they want to pass into law, we actually know it for a fact. No amount of echo-chambering will hide what we see in their hearts -- or lack of them.
We adults of course need to work at creating positive environments and relationships in our own communities and our world. What would have happened if we had committed, with the same resources, to wage peace rather than war in Afghanistan and Iraq? What would happen if we simply saw healthcare as a right and found a way to make that investment in our people (as other first-world nations have) rather than spending nearly as much as on defense to maintain a bureaucracy to PREVENT people from having care? What if we saw education of our youth as an investment in the future of our nation? What if we saw the responsibility of caring for one another as the God-given charge it is (given that so many of our people claim to be Christians)? What if we cherished the potential of every human being?
Having moved a few times as a child, I have witnessed very different environments and can say with certainly that bullying is not a given. The environments in which children grow can be as healthy or as toxic as the grownups tending them encourage or allow. Thank you for your persistent tending to this important issue, Ms. Thomas.