(Warning: The following contains adult language. Sometimes it just can't be helped.)
My wife and I went to see Jackson Browne at the Beacon Theater last Friday in Manhattan.
As my wife said, "You'd think that, when they get to be our age, people would know how to be an audience member."
Apparently not. So I offer this open letter.
Dear Aging Baby Boomer,
Yes, I'm as excited as you are to go see (name of Legacy Act) when they play tonight. But if we can all observe a few rules of polite social behavior, I won't have to tell you what an a**hole you are in front of your equally annoying wife. Here we go:
We all love this artist or we wouldn't have spent the outrageously hefty ticket price to see the show (or the equally ridiculous "service" charges, which essentially mean: In addition to the admission price, we're going to charge you extra money for the privilege of actually buying this ticket).
We all have favorite songs that remind us of the stupid/amazing things we were doing at a much younger age when we first heard this music. Hopefully, the artist will play a number of them.
So don't start shouting the name of your favorite song. Let me modify that: Don't start drunkenly shouting the name of your favorite song.
Because he's not going to go, "Oh, Tim in the balcony wants to hear a song I haven't played in 20 years and haven't rehearsed with this band and probably can't remember the lyrics to? OK, let's dig it out."
And, probably, if he doesn't play it the first time you shout it, he won't play it the second time. Or the fifth.
So shut the f**k up.
This commentary continues on my website.