07/03/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Flee from Land of the Lost

OK, I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong.

I apologize to Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It's not the most witless, humor-challenged movie of the summer.

The winner and new champion: Land of the Lost. At least there's truth in advertising. See it and you lose your time, the money you spent on a ticket and, perhaps, the ability to walk upright without dragging your knuckles on the ground.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter.

With this film, Will Ferrell officially signals the end of his 15 minutes. Indeed, if it weren't for Matt Lauer, there'd be nary a laugh at all in this excruciatingly lazy and unnecessary film. I repeat: The biggest laughs belong to Matt Lauer.

Dinosaur urine and poop are the best they've got? Oh, wait -- I forgot the numerous times the monkey man groped Anna Friel's breasts. Apparently director Brad Silberling thought it got funnier every time. He was wrong.

Indeed, this comedy auteur -- whose scary resume includes Casper and that awful Lemony Snicket movie -- is seldom right, starting with the impulse to remake a thunderingly lame TV show from the 1970s as a Will Ferrell vehicle.

I propose that there should be criminal penalties for wasting $100 million on a movie this dreadful. Maybe someone can implement Hollywood's version of the hockey penalty box for actors and directors who knowingly make one. Sorry, Will, you've got to sit the next one out.

How could they not know? Probably they didn't notice because they were too busy standing around on the set, cracking each other up and congratulating themselves on what comic geniuses they are, while collecting massive paychecks.

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