Laura Bush Gets Okay for D-I-V-O-R-C-E-!!!

"Opinion polls confirmed today that France is not disturbed by the first divorce by a French ruler since that of Napoleon Bonaparte in 1809. A survey in Le Parisien found that 92 per cent of French had not changed their opinion of Mr. Sarkozy because of the divorce..." The Times (UK) - October 19, 2007

The Honorable Laura Bush
The White House
Washington
Dear Desperate Housewife,

Your nobility and courage are second to none.

You have selflessly given so much out of your desire to not harm your husband politically.

You know in your heart that he is a thoroughly mean-spirited dry drunk who masks his unreconstructed addiction with passive-aggressive behavior that has damaged the lives of millions - and contributed to the death or maiming of over 30,000 brave members of our military.

How you hate those little ticks and mannerisms that seemed so endearing when you first met him. That little "heh-heh" chuckle... the defiant jaw-thrust at the end of each sentence... the smirk after concluding each uttered phrase - so reminiscent of a toddler's smile of triumph after managing to force out a contribution to the potty.

And yet... And yet... You've grown accustomed to his face. And what's not to love there?! How could you resist such a charmer?

A lot of people have asked why you haven't fled for your very sanity. Life as the First Enabler hasn't been easy. But you have taken the high road. The last thing you want to do is damage your li'l "Bushie" politically by filing for divorce.

Now comes great news for you!

Remember that stuck-up French lady? The one that DIDN'T come to your fancy barbecue this summer with her arrogant short-house husband the President of France?

Well she has shown you the way!

This plucky woman is married to a President just like you. An equally arrogant man full of piss and vinegar.

Well she reached the same point that you have - but she has managed to escape WITHOUT DENTING HER HUSBAND'S POPULARITY!

Yes - she has announced that she is divorcing him - but her decision is NOT harming her man politically!

A survey today confirms that 92% of the French electorate have not changed their opinion of President Sarkozy because of his wife leaving him!

This is fabulous news for you! It means that - like 50% of Republican voters - you can leave your sorry excuse for a husband!

But you can do it WITHOUT hurting him politically.

Assuming that Americans are as enlightened as those French people (and how could they not be?!) then 92% of his current supporters will continue to love George.

Meaning that he will retain the love of a walloping 22% of all Americans! Almost as many as loved Richard Nixon at the end!

So you see - it IS safe to leave him and yet not hurt him politically.

You have done a phenomenal job on your one-on-one quest to bring literacy to America.

Now it's time to live a little for yourself.

And as you leave that li'l Bonaparte - don't forget to say Au Revoir!

You go girl!

Vive La Laura!

Martin

Comments

[BluMoonRising]

Nobody gets out alive!

[wanked]

As first bimbo, she gets to pretend that shes important. They're ment for each other.

May they rot in hell.

[gettysburg]

Laura Bush is the Right wing's dream for a First Lady, a robotic Stepford Wife who guzzles the Kool-Aid. Every time I see her with that smile on her face while looking at her husband, I can't but help think that she's on something. She seems very likeable, but after Hillary, I'm positive the Righties wanted a Presidential spouse who would just sit back and be quiet. The drawback is she has done nothing to make the world a better place, just like her better half.

[AlteredEgo]

Laura likes the side her bread is buttered on just fine.

To suggest she would wean herself off the Bush gravy train is absurd.

She loves the perks too much, along with the pricks that make them possible.

Like her mother-in-law Babs, a conscience is for people who can't afford to be criminals. Laura just isn't so loose-lipped about her elitism as the old bag.

And the little twin's "novel" about the plight of a poor teenage single mother is an obvious PR attempt to disguise the cold heart of the Bush clan. But Babs revealed it quite plain during Katrina, and no amount of highly publicised "philanthropy" by Poppy Bush or school girl crocadile tears over poor brown people will succeed as damage control.

[chinohillster]

Ah! And this will have a secondary effect in rejuvenating the pulp papers by fueling speculation as to a possible replacement (Condolezzza, perhaps?)

Now that WOULD be fascinating - Laura departs, Condi replaces her - how would the base deal with this????

[cassandra]

Rumor has it that Laura recently escaped the White House and spent a night alone at the Mayflower Hotel.She and the decider must have had a spat.
Divorce??? It could happen, especially if Condi doesn't stop calling the Pres.....her husb....
Whoops.Remember that faux pas?

[stlrfan]

Stepfords are not programed to divorce.

[peterg76]

If it won't stop the madness, then what would be the point?

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

...You have done a phenomenal job on your one-on-one quest to bring literacy to America...

I haven't heard it put that way before. Brilliant!

[Colmore]

What, exactly, has she done to make the world a better place? Not a hell of a lot as far as I can see. She shows up when HIS ratings fall, trying to boost his popularity. Fat chance. She comes off as over-medicated with that insipid smile. What she could have done is take her two useless daughters and actively volunteered with the wounded troops. They could have gone to bases, and helped boost morale of families whose loved ones were overseas. Jenna "served her country" by going to Latin America! What a joke. Getting high and drunk and being thrown out of Argentina does not reflect well on the US. The entire Bush family are devoid of any compassion. They think only of themselves, and it shows.

[jake106]

What, exactly, have YOU done to make the world a better place?

========MARTIN RESPONDS===========

Well...

1) I have not thus far in my life driven a car through a stop sign and caused the death of two of my friends.

2) I have not thus far in my life been an enabler and provided a personable public cover to an unreconstructed alcoholic who by his hubris and stupidity has been responsible for the death and maiming of over 30,000 brave American military - not to mention countless innocent Iraqi women and children.

How's that for starters?

===============================

[dadw5boys]

LAURA THE REPUBLICAN CONGRESS GAVE YOU $350,000,000.00 OF THE TAX PAYERS MONEY FOR SOME FOUNDATION.
WE KNOW YOUR TAKING MILLIONS IN A PAY CHECK TO RUN THE FOUNDATION JUST LIKE BARBRA BUSH AND LYNN CHENY ARE.
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN MILLIONS NOW YOU CAN LEAVE. (WELL YOU HAVE MILLION OF OUR TAX DOLLARS BUT WE CAN'T GET THEM BACK -- HELL WE CAN'T EVEN GET AN ACCOUNTING OF WHERE THE MONEY WENT.)

[Average]

I'm sure you have PROOF of this? I didn't think so. Just more lies.

[BluMoonRising]

Laundered through a war!

[mgloraine]

No Way! She doesn't get out of her current sentence (life with little George) without turning witness for the Prosecution!

[BillZBubb]

The only problem is that Laura shares "the Decider's" politics. She may be disgruntled by the political lifestyle, but she's still a right wing true believer.

[cynara]

Is she? (an honest question) I know very little about Laura's political beliefs, except that she is willing to toe the line for her husband. Can you point me in the direction of anything about a political issue (left or right leaning) that she has said?

I have suspected that Laura comes from the old school of women and politics, like my grandmother and some of my mothers generation, she believes that politics is a dirty messy sport, better left to men that can stand the filth. Besides that, she doesn't particularly want to think to hard about politics, since she's deep down, very doubtful, that she would arrive at the same conclusions at her husband, but she's somehow concluded that her husband knows best, since he's a leader, or at least, that is what she's willed herself to believe. Maybe I've over analyzed her, and maybe I'm completly off-base, but thats been my take on it.

[mosh]

Isn't it sad that we even have to think about Laura Bush? There is something extraordinarily creepy about her - can you imagine being married to George W. Bush? The shame, the deep, deep shame of it. She needs an exorcism, not a divorce.

[LightningJoe]

I don't know about Laura, but Lynne Cheney definitely sips the Kool-Aid.

You should have heard her on the Daine Reahms (sp?) show (NPR), when Diane asked her about her support for funding for PBS and NPR. She had been civil enough when talking about the task of sorting through memories for her biography (the main subject of the interview), but you could hear her voice stress rising as she noted that the last time she had been on Diane's show, she'd been insulted to discover that she herself was the "balanced" viewpoint (I think the other guest was Paul Krugman, yay!).

Lynne adamantly refused to consider ANY level of tax funding for either network, because of their liberal "bias." I guess when you are happily married to a fascist, anything left of Bill Kristol looks like the Viet Cong.

Imagine her shock: she was going on a show that was supposed to be balanced, but she was paired with a leftist radical LIBERAL! I guess her idea of balance would have been if she and Bill O'Rielly were both on together.

BTW, she refused to find problems with FOX's bias "because they aren't taxpayer-funded." She avoided admitting that they have any overt bias, but seemed to say she wasn't qualified to have an opinion on it because it was private money.

That's okay, Lynne; I have my own opinion on that score.

[bookish]

Oh yeah, Lynne's on board.

Laura? Who knows, really? Maybe not even herself. She's made herself a cipher. How else could she live with boy George and his enveloping ego?

The kids and the father share the same diminished level of maturity. "That's not even a practical question." Somehow just off the mark, like the old man, and clueless. They are a creepy bunch.