Meet The Real Joe-The-Plumber!

Logo of a REAL Joe-The-Plumber

So - like practically everything else John McCain has said over the past few years - since he sold his soul to the right-wing nut-base of the Republican Party in return for a grab at the brass ring of the White House - Joe-The-Plumber turns out to be a crock.

He's not a licensed plumber.

He not called Joe. He's Samuel. (With a middle name of Joseph)

His last tax return on file shows that he made a walloping $40,000 in 2006. A mere $210,000 shy of being in a tax bracket high enough to get a tax hike from an Obama presidency.

Judging by the Rush Limbaugh-style rant in his 15 frames-of-fame media op. in his front yard - he is a classic early 90s throwback - the "Angry White Man". He was discharged from the Air Force ("honorably" he claims) in 1995 and discharged from his marriage in 2006.

And he's got about as much chance of earning more than $250,000 a year as he has of growing any hair upon which he can apply copious amounts of Grecian 2000 - like his hero Ronald Reagan.

My advice to Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher? Cut your losses now. Trademark the name "Sam The Neanderthal Man" - and wait for Roger Ailes to give you your own show on Fox News.

So where does that leave all of those callow media types yearning for an everyman called Joe-The-Plumber?

As a service to lazy journalists everywhere - I offer them two REAL Joe-The-Plumbers.

First of all meet the man who got the iconic dot-com of "Joe The Plumber". Plumber Joe Francis of Amarillo, Texas - who registered his domain name a year ago in October 2007. This "Joe The Plumber" promotes himself with the distinctive side and rear visage that graces the top of this column.

Secondly - meet the bashful Plumber Jose "Joe" Villarreal - a plumber in Houston who first registered a "Joe The Plumber" domain name 5 years ago in March 2003 and then a second one a year later in March 2004. In each case he opted for lower profile domain levels - the dot-US and the dot-net domains. But I give this Joe big props for his cute logo (see below) - which offers an existential commentary on George W. Bush's presidency.

Logo of another real Joe-The-Plumber

But good luck to the frenzied press pack who may try to elicit the way that these two real Joe-The-Plumbers will vote.

Joe-The-Plumber of Amarillo - with stunning prescience - is on a previously-planned hunting trip and is not due to return home until Tuesday. His staff are trying to fend off the deluge of phone calls. Joe himself heard about the rise to prominence of his chosen name via a cell phone call.

And Joe-The-Plumber of Houston is simply too busy trying to deal with a massive draining problem.

Pretty much like the McCain campaign...

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Comments

[IfYouCanKeepIt]

11:04 PM on 10/18/2008

"Joe the Plumber" , Wharholed into his 15 billion nano seconds of fame, became political roadkill rundown by the swerving John McCain campaign, and served up as main course moose meat to his supporters­.

Sarah Palin's ex-brother­-in-law may have killed a moose illegally, but she shot from her Rovian helicopter at the heart of the American ethos. Her crowds, fed by the red meat of willful ignorance, have vomited up what America's Soul can no longer keep down.

At the last debate, Sen. McCain protested that there was parity here, claiming Sen. Obama's crowds have yielded up equally offensive outbursts. There is no moral equivalenc­e, Mr. McCain.

Many await an Old Testament God prophesied in a Second Amendment Coming. The peripheral but clarion curses stabbed into the public consciousn­ess at recent McCain-Pal­in rallies need to be stop-frame studied like the launch videos of the ill-fated Space Shuttle Columbia. Two pounds of wayward foam condemned that ship and her crew. The best and the brightest saw it happen, but they never saw what was coming. Look, America. Don't turn away.

Sen. Obama recently commented on small towns, guns, bitterness and God. These were pounced on by the politicall­y expedient pious. I believe his observatio­ns were not meant to be categorica­lly true, but recent events have left me with the chilling impression that they are true enough.

The people he was referring to are, in their extreme form, are a small minority. Two pounds...

[charon]

10:24 AM on 10/17/2008

"Joe The Plumber" (the media version) is either unemployed a couple months of the year or he is working under the table and under-repo­rting his income. Plumbers I know make at least $50 to $60 thousand per year. This means they make about as much as new full professors at many colleges, and more than almost any public school teacher. It's about as much as a full-time long haul truck driver makes if he owns his own rig and has a little business sense. $40,000 is pretty low for a plumber.

What I really don't like is the idea that this narrow-min­ded jerk somehow represents the working men or women of America. He does not. Why not address "the working people of America," which retains the idea of their diversity (from university professors to McDonald's burger cooks)? "Joe the plumber" does not represent me or most of the people I know, and the sooner he is off the screen, the better.

[Miravanguild]

09:30 AM on 10/17/2008

It maybe was a good idea to use poor "Joe" as a plant, but to mention him 21 times in the debate and he turns out to be fake... How many kinds of STUPID IS THAT?? The straight talking honor that McCain so prizes takes yet another blow....

[ChrisCann]

08:53 AM on 10/17/2008

i hope the MSM run with this and once again show mccain as a fake. i knew he was a plant right off the bat. i have friends who are plumbers and they don't make close to 250k.

[zanzig]

06:33 AM on 10/17/2008

On Australian TV news tonight we received the absolutely "fabulous" (in the true sense of fabled) news that Joe the Plumber (the Ohio one) will probably be groomed as Gov Palin's running mate in 2012. I can hardly stop laughing; American elections are such FUN!!!

[laksa]

06:23 AM on 10/17/2008

After hearing Joe the Plumber this morning with Diane Sawyer. I am convince he is a plant from the McCain camp.

[jollyelle]

06:05 AM on 10/17/2008

He's not even named Joe?!!!! and McCain mispronoun­ced his last name.... it is more than two syllables. That Republican move was as sleazy as it gets, but McCain executed it as planned, always conniving and setting the bar lower than could possibly be imagined. The you tube clip of Senator Obama taking more time than normal to answer Joe's question shows exactly how compassion­ate and intelligen­t he is. McCain rarely shows true understand­ing of the issues, though his ambition is blinding. He's spent all his time comparing himself to Obama, coming up short and trying to fight.....­.....that'­s all he knows. Joe the plumber was a Republican plant and basically so are McCain and Palin,

[boynebound]

11:12 AM on 10/17/2008

Jollyelle: Pay attention, his middle name is Joseph, and he goes by Joe. No biggie. So he works for a plumbing company and wants to buy it. No biggie. And just why is the media eviseratin­g this guy? Because he captured the true essence of the Obama campaign. Share the wealth. Have any of you calculated how much money a business owner has to pay out when he has employees? There is state tax, federal tax, workers compensati­on, insurance, equipment costs, payroll, mortgage, etc. God bless the small business owner who can make over $250,000 a year. And shame on Obama for the socialisti­c strategy of "It's not your money, it's my money." What should happen is this- government needs to stop the pork, stop voting themselves raises, pay healthcare like everyone else, (not the free for life system they now enjoy), and live within their means like you and I do. The federal government already takes in more than what is necessary- STOP THE PORK!!!!

[GregJL]

12:21 PM on 10/17/2008

Actually the essence is "Pay your fair share". Pay your damn fair share to keep the infrastruc­utre of our country going. Pay your fair share for government to perform its protective and empowering functions. Stop farming out government responsisb­ilties to private corporatio­ns whose only objective is making money for a few people at the top, corporatio­ns that don't give a damn about the "average Joe". Conservati­ves all want the benefits of being American without any of the responsibi­lity. Progressiv­es know better.