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Martin Lewis

Martin Lewis

Posted: January 5, 2007 11:59 AM

Rearranging The Deckchairs On Bush's Titanic...


titanic_sinking_atlantic.jpg

(Artist's Impression Of Bush's Iraq Policy - courtesy of www.solarnavigator.net)

As Bush struggles mightily to defy logic, common sense and the will of the people - he is getting close to his dream. An Iraq policy supported by just Laura and Barney. (No word yet on Miss Beazley's position on the surge idea.)

Incredible as it may seem - there are STILL a few diehard Bush defenders in the nation. I know this because I am still receiving occasional mass emailings from desperate believers who are blaming the entire "perception of troubles" in Iraq on the "liberal media"!

Clutching at straws that are somewhere between gossamer and non-existent - this morning someone sent out a "Good News About Iraq" email that is beyond delusional. It strives to list all the POSITIVE aspects of Iraqi life since the American occupation began - without any reference to the Civil War raging!

Samples:


Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in Iraq and phone use has gone up 158%?

Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened in June of 2004?

Well as Johnny Carson would say - I did not know that.

Perhaps the Iraqis are using their cell phones to make stock trades... I mean it's not as though they have a civil war to discuss or a need to talk about the number of civilians who are dying each day!

Disseminating this kind of delusional thinking is rather like berating the families of those who drowned on the Titanic that they are foolishly overlooking the magnificence of the ocean liner's beautiful staircase and fine linens!

Or to put this in Pythonic terms:

Palin: "He's not dead. He's resting. Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage!"

Cleese: "The plumage don't enter into it. He's stone dead...!"

As a service to HuffPo readers who may receive such emails - I have a suggestion for how to deal with them.

If you receive a mass email such as the "Did You Know?" email (reproduced below) - perhaps create your OWN email - and send it out to all the people who received the first one. (A suggested response email is also reproduced below.) It will help underscore how foolish the original is. It may make you feel better. And it may even end up being read by Laura and Barney....

TEXT OF THE BULLSHIT "DID YOU KNOW" EMAIL CURRENTLY BEING CIRCULATED

(The suggested retaliation email is appended below this)

Do you know this?? - I didn't know! How could we?

Did you know that 47 countries' have reestablished their embassies in Iraq?

Did you know that the Iraqi government currently employs 1.2 million Iraqi people?

Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated, 364 schools are under rehabilitation, 263 schools are now under construction and 38 new schools have been built in Iraq ?

Did you know that Iraq's higher educational structure consists of 20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges and 4 research centers, all currently operating?

Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the United States in January

2005 for the reestablished Fulbright program?

Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational? They have 5-100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and a naval infantry regiment.

Did you know that Iraq's Air Force consists of three operational squadrons, which includes 9 reconnaissance and 3 US C-130 transport aircraft (under Iraqi operational control) which operate day and night, and will soon add 16 UH-1 helicopters and 4 Bell Jet Rangers?

Did you know that Iraq has a counter-terrorist unit and a Commando Battalion?

Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over 55,000 fully trained and equipped police officers?

Did you know that there are 5 Police Academies in Iraq that produce over 3500 new officers each 8 weeks?

Did you know there are more than 1100 building projects going on in Iraq? They include 364 schools, 67 public clinics, 15 hospitals, 83 railroad stations, 22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69 electrical facilities.

Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age of 5 have received the first 2 series of polio vaccinations?

Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were enrolled in primary school by mid October?

Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in Iraq and phone use has gone up 158%?

Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that consists of 75 radio stations, 180 newspapers and 10 television stations?

Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened in June of 2004?

Did you know that 2 candidates in the Iraqi presidential election had a televised debate recently?

OF COURSE WE DIDN'T KNOW!
WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW?
OUR MEDIA WOULDN'T TELL US!

Instead of reflecting our love for our country, we get photos of flag burning incidents at Abu Ghraib and people throwing snowballs at the presidential motorcades.

Tragically, the lack of accentuating the positive in Iraq serves two purposes:

It is intended to undermine the world's perception of the United States thus minimizing consequent support, and it is intended to discourage American citizens.

Above facts are verifiable on the Department of Defense web site. Pass it on! Give it a Wide Dissemination!


TEXT OF A SUGGESTED RETALIATION EMAIL

Do you know this?? - I didn't know! How could we?

Did you know that the Titanic is the biggest ship ever built?

Did you know that she is 882 feet long and 92 feet at her beam?

Did you know that she has a Gross Tonnage of 46,328 tons and a height from the water line to the boat deck of 60 feet ?

Did you know she contains two reciprocating four-cylinder, triple-expansion, inverted steam engines and one low-pressure Parsons turbine? These power three propellers. There are 25 double-ended and 4 single-ended Scotch-type boilers fired by 159 coal burning furnaces that make possible a top speed of 23 knots.

Did you know that the Titanic can carry a total of 3,547 passengers and crew?

Did you know she is divided into 16 compartments by doors held up, i.e. in the open position, by electro-magnetic latches and which can be allowed to fall closed by means of a switch on the bridge?

Did you know that she offers an onboard swimming pool, a gymnasium, a Turkish bath, a library and a squash court?

Did you know that First-class common rooms are adorned with elaborate wood paneling, expensive furniture and other elegant decorations?

Did you know that the Café Parisienne offers superb cuisine for the first-class passengers with a delightful sunlit veranda fitted with trellis decorations?

Did you know that Second-class and Third-class accommodation and common rooms are considered to be as opulent as those in the first-class sections?

Did you know that the crown jewel of the ship's interior is undoubtedly her forward First-class grand staircase, between the forward and second funnels. Extending down to E-Deck and decorated with oak paneling and gilded balustrades, it is topped by an ornate wrought-iron and glass dome which brings in natural light. On the uppermost landing is a large panel containing a clock flanked by the allegorical figures of Honour and Glory crowning Time.

Did you know that a similar, but less ornate staircase, complete with matching dome, is located between the third and fourth funnels?

OF COURSE WE DIDN'T KNOW!
WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW?
OUR MEDIA WOULDN'T TELL US!

Instead of reflecting our love for the Titanic, we get so-called news reports about some little iceberg incident and claims that 1,522 people have drowned and people throwing snowballs at the Captain on the bridge!

Tragically, the lack of accentuating the positive about the Titanic serves two purposes:

It is intended to undermine the world's perception of the United States as a very desirable vacation destination thus minimizing consequent tourism, and it is intended to discourage American citizens from taking cruises.

Above facts are verifiable on the website of the Oceanic Steam Navigation Company, more commonly known as The White Star Line. Pass it on! Give it a Wide Dissemination! Or should that be a Wide Berth...?!

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