Return of the Born-Again, Drugged-Up, Gay-Hating Hypocrites! (Contest Winners)

At the beginning of November - I initiated a couple of contests. The results were due around November 7th. But with the excitement of the election results and its aftermath - we didn't get round to posting the finalists and winners. And then suddenly - it was nearly Christmas.

So in response to several requests - here belatedly are the exalted winners of those contests.

First of all the delicious affair of George W. Bush and his fellow homophobe - Ted Haggard.

You may recall that on the Friday before the election we discovered that the pastor who was a welcome weekly phone caller to George W. Bush - had a hidden side. After a hard week castigating the activities and morals of the gay community - he would nip down to the nearest male prostitute and have himself buggered senseless for a few hours. (I believe he saw God quite a bit during those sessions...)

I discovered that he had been a very welcome visitor at the White House and found a photo of him being greeted by the Current Occupant.

I invited readers to identify which one was the Born-Again, Drugged-Up, Gay-Hating Hypocrite. And to suggest punishments for these two naughty boys.

HuffPo readers rose to the challenge as usual!

Congratulations to all the entrants and especially to those who submitted the winning entries below.

First of all, here again is the photo of our two heroes. Followed by the five entries that we felt offered the most erudite responses - while keeping this blog just the right side of the Hayes Code.

#1

THIS IS EASY... One gets to deal with his wife and five kids... The other gets to deal with The Hague.
(submitted by MAX1)

#2

They should both have to have penetration sex with Kate ('ol 60 grit) O'Beirne. Kate wears a big strap on and plays videos of Rush Limbaugh eating barbecued ribs with his fingers.
(submitted by KevinKSF)

#3

"Spot the Born-Again, drugged-up, gay-hating hypocrite!"?
It's the guy in the powdered wig framed in the background, right?
It can't be that nice gay couple in the foreground.
(submitted by bobbyjoe)

#4

George W. Bush and Pastor Haggard have both been very naughty boys. As punishment, they should never be allowed to see each other, or that Jeff Gannon boy, ever again.
(submitted by JackNasty)

#5

Haggard: Hey George! What say after we finish this speech on the sanctity of marriage I get butt-up in the Oval Office and you get to work clearing some brush...
(submitted by psgoodguy)

And honorable mention for these Satanic Verses inspired by the lovin' couple.

Crook? High crime and misdemeanor
Took my time and missed Katrina
Fault not mine. So slowly; laggard
Stalled hot line, "Yo, Holy Haggard"

Gays scare to death, am yet a queen.
Praise prayer. Do methamphetamine
do harm or deaden crisper thought?
To pharmageddon, whisper naught.

Some fear God wrath, earn it he may
From here to fraternity pay
"True bliss, teach thee brother's wonderment,
You kiss, each thee other's, fundament."
(submitted by stevemarvin)